Monday, March 12, 2007

Planet Manola: Brazilophile

Random news, commentary and photographs. Updated at least once every menstrual cycle, if not more frequently.

bikini babe and blow-up doll sex and the beach
Model: You blow. Doll: Yeah, but at least my wanker is bigger than your thighs!


Do you remember the Chronicles of Crackass? Well wouldn't ya know: yet another door-knocking episode late Saturday night chez Manola! I repeat: my building is a respectable, clean, well-lighted place and yet this one apartment next door is surely some bermuda triangle vortex of weirdness.

The couple who lives next door have shown signs of marital strife for a few weeks now. First, there was a mysterious break-in, which I believe was an inside job and not the work of an errant burglar. After the break-in, which brought nearly a dozen policemen to the property on foot and even on a watercraft to reconnoiter the canal, she had a breakdown and started to scream her head off. Even though their fighting sounded muffled through the concrete wall, I could make out her words. "I can't stand it anymore," she yelled. The next day, she packed all her personal belongings in plastic bags, stuffed them into the trunk of a taxi and skedaddled to who knows where.

In a few days, she was back home and all was quiet for a while until one morning when she knocked on my door at 6 AM to ask me to open the gate, because she was desperate to leave and her husband had taken the remote. Then this weekend, she started agonizing at high volume again. I couldn't tell if he was beating her or she was hitting him even though he was speaking softly, trying to calm her down. Within minutes, after a door slam, she was knocking on my door! Holy domestic violence! I called 911 and the cops arrived immediately.

Her yelling is extremely disturbing. Honestly, I don't know if he's abusing her or if she's just psycho. Whatever: they need help and that apartment needs a cleansing!


On a much happier note, Verticus admits there's a big ass to his liking in Calle Ocho -- a hilarious take on the Garota de Ipanema. And further up north in the kingdom of Mighty Dyckerson, a Miracle Ass is born.

And speaking of ass and all things Brazilian, funny-as-hell Babygirl braves excruciating pain to sport a stubble-free patootie! Can you believe pubic hair removal via torturous waxing is illegal in Utah?


Who wants to teach me Portuguese? Unlike French, Portuguese is the sexiest language in the world. Such smooth vowels I would deep throat! Such dipthongs I would lick with fervor!

I know for a fact that Portuguese is sexier than French because I studied the latter for six years and even though I can speak rather fluently with a genuine but generic accent, the Gallic tongue never got me laid. Portuguese, on the other hand, makes me wet with linguistic delight!


A propos of all things delightful, I met Richard Butler this weekend!

Photograph courtesy of Pichichi's Flickr.

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Michelle said...

As a fellow Brazil nut, I support your efforts to learn Portuguese
:-) Beijos querida!

NicFitKid said...

Crackass the sequel? Wow, who's screening your fellow tenants? My decrepit, unrenovated, and throughly abandoned looking SoBe ghetto building (we're about two blocks from that stabbing story MNT profiled last week) has it's flaws, but no one has stopped by to bang on the door.

Not that the door would stay upright if they did.

Sinfonian said...

I just got a Portuguese phrase book for my upcoming trip to Brazil. As soon as I learn some choice phrases, I'll give you a call. ;)