Photo via Mark Hillary's Flickr. It seems he broadcasted his wedding on Twitter.
It's a leap year, which means folks have come up with all kinds of excuses to do whacky things on February 29, including women proposing marriage to men. This got me thinking, of course. The sad truth is that there's no one in this God forsaken dramaville we live in I'd want to marry. Or maybe they're all married. Or maybe I'm in the deep friend zone with most guys to want to marry them. Or maybe they're medicated. Or they're gay. Or maybe ... maybe, so many maybes.
This got me thinking more, of course. As we all know, no one person can fulfill all your needs, carnal or otherwise. What if I could build the perfect man from all my Twitter friends? So I'm giving myself 15 minutes to come up with a list, stream-of-consciousness style ... no editing!
1. I'd marry @sfdb because he can compile editorial in a regular, orderly fashion, likes cool cars and vacations in Colorado.
2. I'd marry @mikelamonica because if we had kids -- oh hell, they'd be stunners! -- but more importantly he could take nice pictures of them and write a sweet, heartfelt blog post.
3. I'd marry @ivanmladenovic because he could fix my computer. Oh and he has a super cool last name that is fun to pronounce with an Eastern European accent.
4. I'd marry @grantstern because he hates Walmart and makes shit happen in the the community.
5. I'd marry @ipanemic because he could photoshop my ass and make me look like a porn star.
6. I'd marry @freddystebbins because he makes me pee in my pants with laughter.
7. I'd marry @mklopez because he drives like a Jedi warrior and there isn't a damn thing he wouldn't do to help me.
8. I'd marry @bradaschenck because he once wrestled an alligator.
9. I'd marry @carlosmiller because he's a great storyteller and friend. I'd marry him in jail, of course.
10. I'd marry @alexdc because he could keep me on track with my diet.
11. I'd marry @brianbreslin just for the cute dimple. No, wait, he could he could also design an iPhone app for me.
12. I'd marry @sean_ohanlon because he loves algae and has the nicest goatee I've seen in Miami.
13. I'd marry all the brothers @beachedmiami after moving to a polygamous community, because they can write so well and are so damn cute you just want to pinch all their cheeks. And I'm not talking about their faces, either.
Ooops! 15 minutes are up! If you didn't make it to the list, don't worry. You are all a wonderful bunch. Thanks for being the guys in my life, even if we aren't married.
Now please retweet this post.
So ladies, what do you think of my frankenhusband? Feel free to leave a comment below on your favorite Twitter guys.