sex and the beach

Save Matheson Hammock

2012-01-25T09:28:00.011-05:00

Ten reasons why a behemoth dry dock boat storage facility should not be developed in Matheson Hammock Park.

More reasons here. Please sign the petition to save Miami-Dade's most pristine urban sanctuary from greedy exploitation. Email Coral Gables commissioners, too.

You Can't Blame the Guy For Trying

2012-01-21T15:19:00.006-05:00

I know I said I was going on hiatus and I still am sticking to my word. I'm up to my ass in alligators ... so busy making movies about Hialeah and organizing HeartCamp.

However, this story was too good to pass up.

I've experienced many strange and exciting things in South Beach, but getting this love note from a German tourist on my windshield -- instead of a parking citation from Miami Dade police -- well, this was simply priceless!

I guess this is a new stalker pick-up technique. Hey, it even involves social media.

When a Heart Break is a Good Thing

2011-12-29T20:41:00.017-05:00

Photo by Carlos Miller. Bad hair by mother nature.

This blog is six years old. I feel like an old hag in terms of blogging years. It's like Jurrasic Park around here, minus the velociraptors.

And it has paid off.

2011 was an incredible year.

Nature Girl found herself again. I frolicked with Madagascar lemurs, went fishing and interviewed a python hunter.

My co-hosted radio show with Tonya Scholz, Social Chats, turned over a year-old. We interviewed some of the coolest people in South Florida and beyond.

I hung out with pirates.

I started practicing yoga at a studio again and lost some weight.

I presented a story at Lip Service with WLRN Under the Sun in front of a live audience.

I interviewed Ron Jeremy. Ron fucking Jeremy. LOL!

Oh yeah, speaking of saucy material, I also hosted a burlesque show in Fort Lauderdale and created a special cocktail for the blog.

I conducted two blogging seminars hosted by @gopreemo, spoke at WordCamp and the Women's Success Summit, led a panel and solo presentation on blogging at SheCon, attended the National Association of Hispanic Journalists conference, moderated and organized a panel on South Florida healthcare and social media for a local ad agency ... the list goes on.

For someone who used to suffer from agoraphobia, all this is kind of a big deal.

Which is why, dear readers, I'm a bit burnt out, but in a good way. And I have some big news.

First of all, I won a car. Yes, a freakin' car. Thanks to Buick Quest for the Keys. (Rest assured, I will pimp you a photo.)

But that's not really the news.

The big whopper ... envelope please ...

I was chosen to be a partner on Project Open Voice with Comcast, which means I will be up to my ass in alligators making short video vignettes about Hialeah in the coming weeks. I actually won a grant for this and had to form an LLC.

Most of you don't know that I majored in motion pictures production in college, but this was back in the pre-digital era when you used Nagras on the field, actual 16 mm film and edited on flatbeds. My tech learning curve just went from zero to sixty. No more flip cams for me. I know the art. I'm learning the new tech. Boom mics, laveliers, shotguns? Oh yeah, that's like porn to me now.

But all this was in the cards in some form of beautiful serendipity. Remember my Ford Fiesta trips with Brad Schenck? And the coolest alligator wrestling video ever? I'm back to an art form that I love dearly. For me, film making, writing and editing are all the same. I'm so blessed to have this opportunity to follow my heart's passion. This change to get back to my creative roots literally fell on my lap within 48 hour's notice. Had I blinked an eye, I might have missed it.

And speaking of heart, I'm also following my dream of giving back to the community, organizing Heartcamp for February 4 in Fort Lauderdale. All matters of the heart will be discussed at this 'unconference' -- creative, spiritual, physical, sex, love, relationships and more. I encourage you to attend and be part of this unique South Florida event.

So readers, one woman can't wear all these hats and keep a blog running. I have been thrust into 2012 with much to do. It's not the 'end of the world' as those Mayan calendar people are saying. It's a new beginning.

I don't plan on keeping a regular editorial schedule here until further notice. Because of HeartCamp and my film production schedule, plus the possible regional Florida Tweetup (#floridatweetup on Twitter) mid-January, the blog is on hold for now.

Sex and the Beach is just taking a brief hiatus to stay sane. This is a good "heart" break, which I'm sure you all understand. If I pop in, great. If not, you know where to find me -- microblogging obnoxiously and relentlessly as @vicequeenmaria on Twitter or on Facebook at I Like Sex and the Beach. And of course, you know my Youtube and Flickr channels, right? Also, please keep up with @heartcamp ... I'd love to see all of you there!

Wishing all of you all the best in 2012! Stay real and listen to your heart ...

Silicone Bitch: South Florida Social Media Year 2011 Review

2011-12-29T10:37:00.030-05:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too

Silicone Bitch wishes the South Florida and tech scene a great, prosperous and productive 2012. Seen here, year's end old skool tweetup at Monty's in Miami Beach.

It was a pretty good year for the South Florida scene. Here are some random notes in no particular order, stream-of-consciousness style ... if we missed anything, feel free to leave a comment!

SheCon (@sheconexpo), a blogging conference and new media expo for women but not limited to women, got its start. Bloggers from all over the country gathered in Miami Beach.

Speaking of conferences, Women's Success Summit hosted two kick-ass events -- Michelle Villalobos (@mivi), Jessica Kizorek (@jessicakizorek) and others inspired people to do and be their best right here in our own backyard.

WordCamp (@wordcampmia) was chock full of great panels.

Startup Forum (@thestartupforum) breathed some fresh air into the community.

Refresh South Florida (@refreshmiami @brianbreslin) continued on its usual course, bringing great tech info to locals and awesome speakers, including tech heads like the founder of PHP.

Mark Laymon's (@marklaymon) New Tech Community gathered the geeks in Palm Beach County as well.

Social Media Club South Florida (@smcsf) brought great speakers to town, including Rohit Bhargava.

Social Media Club Palm Beach (@smcpbc) was pretty active too and the ladies at Association of Women in Communications in South Florida (@awcsf) weren't lagging behind, either.

Tedx Miami (@tedxmia) simply rocked. It doesn't get better than that.

Sketchy Miami (@sketchymiami) turned the simple idea of a portrait into a social phenomenon.

The 4th annual SxSe (@sxse) in Key West was the most fun you could have while tweeting and drinking.

Sea Tweetup (@seatweetup) sailed away on its virgin launch.

Miami Beach 411 (@miamibeach411) went to SXSW. (Silicone Bitch wishes they would also keep up with local social media and tech events.)

A startup bus from Florida went to SXSW. (It's too bad Miami Beach 411 and them didn't connect.)

Carlos Miller (@carlosmiller) got pissed off on Foursquare Day, which, by the way, was a huge success, in spite of the drink problem. (Silicone Bitch wishes that Mr. Miller would revive @socialmediaputo.)

Miami Beach 411 hosted several wonderful social gatherings with locals, Miami rookie residents and out-of-town visitors. No company in Miami has a better online and IRL community for locals and visitors, period. If you want to learn how to manage an online community, 411 is a great model.

We love brands that love us back! GM Southeast (@gmsoutheast) won a prize for doing just that.

And speaking of awesome brands, don't drink and drive, but Martin Miller's Gin (@martinmillergin) gave South Floridians some thirst-quenching social media love in 2011.

Worstpizza.com founder Craig Agranoff (@lapp) started writing for Huffington Post and became a Palm Beach tech TV star. Oh, he also published a book about social media and election campaigns, Socially Elected. He's so hawt, we dare not even look at him!

And speaking of books, Miami-Dade locals also published an internet security tome, Securing the Clicks. Additional kudos to Alex De Carvalho (@alexdc), Gary Bahadur (@garybahadur) and Jason Inasi (@jinasi).

Let's not forget Miami author girl Tedx Miami founder Gina Rudan (@ginarudan), who wants you to see the best in you via Practical Genius.

And because we all need sustenance, Christine Najac @sflfoodandwine published the Food Lover's Guide to Miami and Fort Lauderdale.

And speaking of foodies, if you're not following @wokstar, @4theloveoffood and @rjflamingo, you're missing out on some good social media nosh stuff.

Spearheaded by the very talented and dynamic @janiec, Miami Rat Pack emerged as a great group -- "drinkers with a social media problem," Silicone Bitch once remarked.

LATISM (Latinos in Social Media) got its own South Florida chapter, co-directed by @miamishines.

Some very cool hashtags sprang forth from the 305 with great success: #top10lies, #foodiechat and #biochat.

Social media darling Trish Forant (@dayngr) started working as Community Manager for social media monitoring company Radian6 (@radian6). Represent!

And speaking of groovy South Floridians who work in social media ...

Agustina Prigoshin (@agustinap) became the Social Media Publisher at Entertainment Benefits Group. Her online show, Meet South Florida (@meetsfla) also turned one year.

Emily Taffel (@emilyontheave) became the Social Media Coordinator for LXR Luxury Resorts. (Silicone Bitch particularly loves this appointment as it works with social media friendly @hyattpier66!)

Amanda Stewart (@amandastewart) founded a new cool lifestyle and clothing company called Water Zombie (@waterzombie) based out of Fort Lauderdale.

Sebastian Rusk (@sebrusk) was social media gone wild with his videos for Social Buzz TV.

Natascha Otero (@nataschaos) turned mofongo into a social object at Jimmy'z Wynwood.

James Echols and Annette Peikert of (@soulofmiami) continued to change the face of our community with their Life is Art events.

Who dares to say this isn't an innovative, vibrant community partaking of "social" for many interesting reasons? This list could go on forever! Silicone Bitch kindly requests that you leave a comment if we didn't mention you. What resonated with you this year in local social media and tech? What did you accomplish?

The 12 Step Become A Pirate Program

2011-12-22T13:56:00.071-05:00

Trail of the Pirates is a travel series exploring maritime history, culture and lore between Key West and St. Augustine on the east coast of Florida.

If you don't want to read this epic post, just watch this video.

A funny thing happens when you start investigating and writing a lot about a particular topic -- you get sucked in. And if that topic happens to be pirates, that's a good thing.

Nine years ago, Michelle Murillo was a reporter in Florida doing exactly what I did earlier this month. She was on assignment covering Pirates in Paradise in Key West and got hooked. Today, she's still a journalist but also a professional reenacter who goes by the pirate name of Diosa (Goddess), teaching folks about pirate history through plays, demonstrations and lectures at events around the country.

It has taken me a year to follow in her footsteps, traveling around Florida exploring pirate history and events. Since my first trip to Key West and my subsequent time in St. Augustine where I interviewed Murillo about her role as famous female pirate Mary Read, she has become a mentor of sorts.

I shadowed her during the Pirates in Paradise and Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion weekend and got an insider's view of the pirate community.

Don't mess with my mentor when she's in character as Mary Read!

THE "AHA!" MOMENT

It all started when I was sailing aboard the schooner WOLF and Braze, a reenacter from Atlanta, let me pull the trigger on his blunderbuss. I had never fired a weapon of any kind before and here I was holding an antique gun with an authentic lock from 1724.

After the gun powder went BOOM! I yelled "Jesus! Oh God!"

And you know those things that you categorize as better than sex? Oh yeah. This was one of them.

Diosa, who had been singing sea shanties on the vessel, very calmly stated: "You've had your first gungasm. You are now just a few steps to becoming a true pirate."

"Is that like a 12 step program?" I replied.

Hmm ...

And so we thought about it and discussed the matter in earnest for the next two days. What are the 12 steps to becoming a pirate? Most 12 step programs are about losing an addiction. This is about gaining one unabashedly, with no regrets, apologies or adverse health effects!

One of the most bad ass moments of my life.

STEP 1 - SAILING

You have to hit the seas on a proper sailboat that is actually sailing (none of this outboard engine stuff). And if you're lucky like me, you get to do this on board the schooner WOLF, run by His Ugliness Finbar the Terrible, who is also the Admiral of the Conch Republic. And if you're really, really lucky you sail with pirates who sing sea shanties and fire guns and cannons.

The schooner WOLF as seen from Fort Zachary Taylor.

Fire in the hole!

STEP 2 - FIRING A GUNPOWDER WEAPON

Speaking of weapons, nothing says pirate like firing a weapon and doing it on a sailboat is definitely icing on the cake. Braze was kind enough to assist my first "gungasm" as he explained the structure of a gun (lock, stock and barrel) all of this while the boat was in full sail and wind blowing through my hair.

Firing a weapon is serious business. There's actually gunpowder school and to be a reenacter in battle you need in-depth experience and training. Crews need permits. At the Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion, there were early morning weapons checks among pirates who wanted to participate in battle.

Braze's blunderbuss. A thing of beauty!

Braze and the lovely Liberté Sparrow.

Commodore Swab, based in Key Largo, takes reproduction guns and makes them reliable. Some of the parts on the guns are original.

STEP 3 - DRINK APPLE PIE INSTEAD OF GROG

Apple Pie versus grog.

Did you know rum and grog sucked back in the Golden Age of Piracy? Yeah, the polished, refined spirit we know today was still in its infancy, relatively speaking. Grog was nothing more than a seafarer's beverage -- rum mixed with water, moscovado sugar or molasses and some citrus -- the universal concoction that would later become a refreshing daiquiri.

(As an aside, check out this awesome interview with rum ambassador Ian Burrel on the subject.)

For pirates, the rum helped sanitize the stagnant and putrid water on ships, the sugar added sweetness and a bit of nutrition and the citrus aided in the prevention of scurvy.

If you want authentic grog, here's the recipe: 1 part sour (citrus), 2 part sweet, 3 part strong (the most God awful cheap-ass rum you can find) and 4 parts weak (water).

But modern pirates prefer the so-called Apple Pie, which is a secret blend of herbs, spices, apple juice and ehem, a strong 'water' of your choice. If you know a moonshiner, place your order now, wink wink. Every pirate family has its own specific recipe and if I reveal too much, they'll have to kill me.

Scarlett Jai was responsible for my first sip of Apple Pie. And that's the surgeon standing right behind her.

STEP 4 - PURCHASE A WEAPON

One of the things that I love about the pirate community is that even if you are a rookie, they welcome you and treat you like family. I got to participate in pirate events after hours that aren't open to the public. One such event was the dead man's chest auction, the proceeds of which benefit Friends of Fort Taylor. A raucous event led by rambunctious Cannibal Chrispy, the auction is a great place for pirates new and old to bid on donated items.

It was here I won a bid on a groovy necklace -- a skull and crossbones cross outfitted with a small, hidden dagger.

My first baby pirate weapon.

STEP 5 - PURCHASE GARB

Oh, the pirate garb! This is no ordinary retail costume shop stuff. It's serious quality, down to the stitching and buttons, which I have already discussed in previous stories on Trail of the Pirates.

Well, my first humble foray into this sartorial world was a lovely blue flouncy chemise, which I also won at auction for a modest $5. I can wear this item under whatever future bodice or corset I decide to buy. Someday I will no longer be a made-in-china polyester pirate and will hopefully wear real fabrics with authentic design.

Absolutely every professional pirate I have ever met sports the most incredible garb. I wish I could post photos of all of them but I'm just going to feature Caribbean Pearl here, a performer who wows me every time I see here with her tailored outfits. She had several costumes for each day.

Caribbean Pearl playing a character from Pirates of the Caribbean.

STEP 6 - PUB SING

Singing at Fort Taylor was special. Trust me, without camera flash it was dark in there.

Captain Crudbeard of the Dark Rose crew explained to me that there were four kinds of pirates: musical, walk arounds (people who walk around the festivals performing), cutlery (sword fighters and such) and boom-boom (small arms and cannons).

But I gotta tell ya, all pirates love to sing. One of the most amazing experiences I've ever had was hanging out at the improvised tavern right after a pig roast dinner. In the cavernous cannon holds of the fort, sound bounces beautifully off the domed brick ceiling. With only candle light to illuminate the surroundings, we were transported back in time in communal singing of traditional sea shanties and pirate tunes. If you've ever participated in a yoga kirtan, this was similar, except our mantras were songs of yore.

I'm terrible with lyrics though. I only caught the refrains and learning the lyrics will be part of my continuing pirate education. The contagious melodies still linger in my ears.

STEP 7 - CORPORAL PUNISHMENT (STOCKS AND SHACKLES)

Getting shackled. I hear some non-pirate folks do this at fetish clubs in Davie.

Pirates were not particularly popular, especially where governments were concerned (unless they hired them as privateers, Sir Francis Drake being the most famous). During my time at the Pyrate Invasion, I had the good fortune of being rescued from the stocks, where I would have otherwise been humiliated by townsfolk had I remained in that most uncomfortable position for any lengthy amount of time. I also got shackled by an officer, who, being British, was rather polite.

STEP 8 - GET LACED INTO A BODICE

After some huffing and puffing and rigorous "inspection," the Viceroy approved of my first bodice or "stay" as this one would be technically called.

OK, this step really won't apply to guys, but this was probably the most challenging. Just Jeff, a leather artisan who works in an authentic 18th century style, bound me in leather stays while explaining the origin of "loose women" and other clothing-related terms from colonial America.

The stays were very tight and at first I had trouble breathing. It actually precipitated a bit of an anxiety reaction as I'm uncomfortable when I can't breathe freely. However, the leather conformed to my plump center rather quickly and within minutes I was fine. Suddenly I had a deeper waistline and an hourglass figure! It felt like a very snug orthopedic girdle and back in the day, that would have been my sole undergarment.

The whole bodice, corset, underbust and stay thing really confused me at first. Come on, I'm a miracle bra kinda girl.

On the previous day, I had spent almost an hour discussing bodices, corsets, underbusts and stays with a few female pirates. Bodices were more working class women who performed manual labor and needed back support. Corsets were for the fancier society ladies who could afford such finery and were concerned with their figure.

For the nether regions, you wore pantaloons and underskirts and if you had to use the bathroom there was either nothing covering the naughty bits or some flap of fabric you could open and close easily. What an incredible pain in the ass it must have been to dress up and dress down before modern brassieres and panties.

Of course, we had to ask the Viceroy, one of the most intriguing characters at the Pyrate Invasion, if he approved of my stays. I have never seen my girls jiggle so much. (See the salacious video here.)

STEP 9 - FIRE A CANNON

Notice there are three babes here.

I didn't get to do this, but my pirate friends promised me they'll help make it happen. There is a great deal of education, maneuvers and protocol for cannon firing. Safety is of the first order. But speaking of cannons, check out the Viceroy's hot one. He's a real cannon maker based in Key Largo. The work is simply stunning.

Ornate and gorgeous detail here.

Pirates love their cannons! And when you fire one for the first time, your cannon loss of virginity is celebrated by a rather interesting swabbing ritual.

STEP 10 - SWORD FIGHT

Swordfighting 101.

Thanks to Drake of the Fort Lauderdale based crew, I got a lesson in basic sword fighting. This is a truly addictive aspect for me as I used to dance and love movement. It also doesn't help that my brother is a sensei and expert in weapons. I have one of his samurai swords lying around the house.

If I really want to become a sword fighting pirate, I'm going to have to take some regular lessons instead of going to tweetups and social media events at night. See what I mean? Clothes. Weapons. Songs. It can start to consume your life.

STEP 11 - PILLAGE AND ATTACK A MEMBER OF ROYALTY

What's better than firing a blunderbuss? Flogging the Viceroy!

I am one lucky bastard. Over the weekend, I had a chance to steal the Viceroy's cane and the flog him in return. According to Diosa, this is a rare treat for any pirate. I was truly blessed.

STEP 12 - SLEEP WITH A PIRATE

Alas, this is yet another step I have yet to do, like Step 9, firing a cannon. Although I am sure there would have been many volunteers, all the pirates I met were true gentlemen, even when flirty.

Actually, it's surprising how many of these pirates are married or attached couples. I was warned, however, to not fall in love with any pirate captains.

MY PIRATE FUTURE

One great big pirate family.

So am I following in Diosa's footsteps? I think it's obvious I might I have crossed over to the dark side! In fact, I've been invited to be a participant at the Fort Taylor invasion next year in addition to my role as a journalist.

And so thus concludes the 12 Step Become A Pirate Program. I'll let you know when I've completed steps 9 and 12. Well, I might be demure about step 12. Good pirates don't kiss and tell.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Trail of the Pirates is an on-going documentary series on Sex and the Beach and has benefited from businesses and organizations that see value in this fun way to educate readers on Caribbean and Florida history.

This segment of Trail of the Pirates was generously supported by GM Southeast (Chevy), Pat Croce and staff from The St. Augustine Pirate and Treasure Museum, Admiral Finbar of the schooner WOLF as well as the fine folks who run Pirates in Paradise and The Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion. Special props go to Michelle Murillo, my friend and mentor in all things pirates. She reenacts the the trial of Mary Read -- the subject of an interview from last year.

Trail of the Pirates: Pirates Invade Key West

2011-12-20T17:15:00.033-05:00

Trail of the Pirates is a travel series exploring maritime history, culture and lore between Key West and St. Augustine on the east coast of Florida.

Skeleton and Caribbean Pearl strike a pose for Trail of the Pirates.

Trail of the Pirates came full circle this month when I covered the Pirates in Paradise Festival and the Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion on the first weekend of December. I couldn’t attend last year as the Key West event runs back to back to the St. Augustine Pirate Gathering and I had already been on the road for days interviewing, researching and learning as much as I could about pirate and maritime history on the east coast of Florida.

PIRATES HIT BONE ISLAND AKA "CAYO HUESO"

It doesn't get better than this. Sailing in Key West with pirates singing sea shanties and firing weapons with gun powder!

Pirates in Paradise is a week-long festival with costume contests, storytelling competitions, musical performances, pirate sailing trips, walk-the-plank competitions, a pirate pub, pirate tours of Key West and more. The main festival grounds are at the Truman Waterfont Annex.

Next door at Fort Zachary Taylor you’ll find the Pyrate Invasion, which features a more traditional encampment recreating the Golden Age of Piracy (1675-1825). Over three days, the fortress becomes an English stronghold where British Red Coats battle against pirates with real cannons and gun powder. Living history demonstrations allow visitors to meet well-established captains and crews.

When you arrive at the encampment, you'll see reenacters, sword fighters, antique weapons experts, musicians, a blacksmith and even a surgeon living in authentic tents. These performers take their roles very seriously for your edification on maritime history and lore. And they look stunning!

Guests can watch this battle from high above in the fort, which is surrounded by a moat. That's Lily Alexander duking it out with the guys.

The encampment as seen from the second story of the fort.

These pirates didn't shop at IKEA. No electricity or Coleman lanterns here. Everything is authentic looking.

Commodore Cutter from the gulf coast has articles of piracy for little ones to sign. Both events are kid-friendly.

You can also observe the battle from ground level, but heed park ranger warnings about where it's safe to sit.

You never know who's going to win. British or pirates? Miss Felicity of the Dark Rose crew with Spike Pierce from Key West.

Captain Budd is also a fishing guide and has been sailing all his life. He was demonstrating rope and knot works. That morning, he told me, he had caught grunts from shore for an authentic Key West grits and grunts breakfast.

Left to right: Pirates of the Treasure Coast, Cannibal Chrispy, Skeleton and Pirate Louie participated in the Key West Holiday Parade.

You've seen this incredible artist's work before if you like Captain Morgan rum. Don Maitz was painting watercolors and oils on site.

The Viceroy, a member of royalty, is also a real cannon maker based out of Key Largo. I can't remember the last time I saw such an impressive "gun" from a man.

Red Beard caused quite a stir with his furry pets.

Cascabel preparing for "fire in the hole" aboard the schooner WOLF.

Hot dogs and burgers cooked over wood, pirate style. If you nosh here, order the delicious, tangy coleslaw on the side.

Captain Crudbeard of the Dark Rose crew with a beautiful African raven that says "arrrrrgh" like a pirate.

This pirate chose to swan dive off the plank.

Michelle Murillo and her performing partner Joe Catalano taught the audience what it was like to live on a pirate ship in an interactive presentation just before the battle.

More photos on Flickr

Trail of the Pirates doesn’t really end here. I made many new pirate friends and will be exploring the gulf coast of Florida next year and hopefully the east coast of the United States north of Florida – the Beaufort invasion in North Carolina beckons!

IF YOU GO

Pirates in Paradise and the Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion typically take place the first weekend of December. Reserve your hotel early.

As if I needed to give you yet another reason to visit the beautiful Florida Keys, I can’t think of a better time to explore Key West than when the pirates are in town. You can enjoy all the wanton and lazy pleasures of this southernmost city and learn a thing or two about pirates.

Make a day of it. Explore both festivals. Sail on the flagship schooner WOLF with Admiral Finbar of the Conch Republic and musical, gunpowder-firing pirates. Bring a picnic to enjoy after the battle at gorgeous Fort Zachary beach, a state park where you can swim in turquoise blue Caribbean waters.

Oh and did you know? The fort is said to be haunted by a ghost named Wendell. Learn more about preserving this precious heritage at Friends of Fort Taylor.

And don't forget to stop at the Rum Barrel on Front Street for some great pirate-y rum drinks.

Visit the updated Trail of the Pirates itinerary for a full list of experiences.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Trail of the Pirates is an on-going documentary series on Sex and the Beach and has benefited from businesses and organizations that see value in this fun way to educate readers on Caribbean and Florida history.

This segment of Trail of the Pirates was generously supported by GM Southeast (Chevy), Pat Croce and staff from The St. Augustine Pirate and Treasure Museum, Admiral Finbar of the schooner WOLF as well as the fine folks who run Pirates in Paradise and The Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion. Special props go to Michelle Murillo, my friend and mentor in all things pirates. She reenacts the the trial of Mary Read -- the subject of an interview from last year.

Pythons Invade North Key Largo

2011-12-11T16:13:00.048-05:00

If you thought getting into a South Beach club was difficult, try being a Burmese python with Ron Rozar around to check you at the door. It just aint gonna happen.

One of my favorite places to stop on my way down to the Keys is Alabama Jack's on Card Sound Road, where conch chowder, fritters and beer can be savored among the mangroves. Card Sound is at a fork in the road to the Florida Keys -- veer east from the Last Chance Saloon and you skip the U.S. 1 18-mile stretch between Florida City and Key Largo to drive through a crocodile refuge.

The American crocodile is welcome here, but another reptile is not -- the Burmese python. Since 2007, 14 specimens of this invasive species have been found in Key Largo alone.

On a recent trip to Key West, I went off the beaten path once again, this time stopping to chat with Ron Rozar, biologist and herpetologist for the United States Geological Survey (USGS), which has set up office at the Crocodile Lake National Wildlife Refuge. The refuge is part of the United States Fish and Wildlife Service and protects one of the largest remaining tracts of hardwood hammock, a globally threatened habitat.

Rozar works on the Python Project, setting traps, doing research, training law enforcement responders and educating the public about non-native species.

If you're a Burmese python, you don't want to mess with Rozar. Ruggedly handsome yet soft spoken, he's a sophisticated Crocodile Dundee of our South Florida backyard, helping restore the Keys ecosystem to its natural state.

SNAKES R US

According to Rozar, the USGS is one of a few organizations in the world with snake management experience, with a case study in Guam that serves as a cautionary tale for Florida.

Sometime after World War II, the brown tree snake from Papua New Guinea made its way to the island where there were no indigenous snakes. It didn't take long for the invader to decimate native species. The USGS intervened in the late 80s.

"By then, all the birds had disappeared," said Rozar. "It ate every bird species, one-half of all lizard species and three bat species on Guam."

A similar invasion would be devastating to South Florida's environment.

Sorry tourists and locals, but the refuge is off limits and that's a good thing for the animals. There is, however, a lovely tiny butterfly garden on the premises that you can roam and humans are always welcome at Alabama Jack's, about 20 minutes away across the Monroe county line.

The first Burmese python on record in South Florida was discovered in 1979 in Everglades National Park, but the population didn't shoot up until the late 90s. "Founding populations are low," explained Rozar. "Then they hit a threshold point when males and females find one another and start breeding."

One infamous Everglades python made the news in 2005 with a shocking photograph of a gator piercing through its gut. (See the photo at National Geographic.)

With the 2007 appearance of a Burmese python in Key Largo, USGS sent Rozar down from Miami in 2008 to deal with the problem.

That 2007 python wasn't found randomly. Researchers conducting a telemetry study on endangered, native wood rats found two of the tagged furry critters dead inside a python's belly. There are only about 200 Key Largo wood rats in the world, indigenous to the north section alone -- a very small and specific biological niche.

This cute little critter might not stand a chance against pythons. Woodrats are not the only threatened species in the Keys -- the cotton mouse, marsh rabbit, key deer, to name a few -- are in peril for a variety of reasons. Photo by Clay DeGayner volunteer for U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service via FAVOR.

In the hierarchy of nature, alligators and crocodiles reign supreme in the Glades and the north Keys as apex predators. But the Burmese python is another master at ambush, lying in wait in the water with only nostrils and eyes visible, waiting for a meal to walk by -- a bird, another reptile or maybe even a bobcat or deer. A constrictor, the python is smart too, aiming to tighten the lungs of its victim, waiting for the heartbeat to stop before swallowing it whole.

And swallow they can. "A deer was found in the stomach of a python in Everglades National Park about a month ago," said Rozar.

Even more troubling was the discovery of a seven-foot Burmese in Marathon. That's too close for comfort to Big Pine Key, which endangered key deer and other species call home in the National Key Deer Refuge.

Burmese pythons can also travel.

"All snakes swim," Rozar explained. "They might not be happy in saltwater, but they can navigate from Florida City, where there is an established population, to Key Largo. And before U.S. 1 was fenced in, we found python road kill. Snakes are attracted to the heat of the asphalt."

"Part of the problem is that we don't always know where the snake came from," said Rozar. "Some may be from the Florida City population, but others may be escaped or released pets. The climate is favorable for them here and they can thrive out in the wild."

BE A RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER

"Port of Miami and Port Everglades are hubs for exotic animal imports, making it easier to buy these animals here," said Rozar. "The exotic pet trade has an incredibly powerful political lobby."

An illegal trade could bolster a black market, but the Florida Wildlife Commission doesn't want the average Joe to buy pythons anymore. On July 1, 2010, the Burmese python was listed as a conditional species and could no longer be purchased as a pet. Only properly licensed dealers, public exhibitors and researchers can possess a Burmese python.

Pet owners with pythons prior to that date were grandfathered in but must maintain a valid license. The commission doesn't turn a blind eye. Earlier this year, a West Palm Beach man was charged with illegal possession after his snake wound up in a parking lot near a multi-family home.

But still, other reptiles abound in pet stores and are available from breeders. The Argentine tegu, for example, is a non-native lizard and aggressive egg predator.

"It may be tempting to buy a reptile when it's small," cautioned Rozar. "But educate yourself. These animals require very specific care."

WHAT YOU CAN DO - RESOURCES

"Everyone is a Florida Wildlife Commissioner" -- wise words I recently heard at the Ladies, Let's Go Fishing seminar. Rozar agrees.

Visit the Florida Wildlife Commission for more tips on supporting the native flora and fauna of our state.

Support the work of FAVOR - Friends and Volunteers of Refuges and learn more about Key Largo Wood Rat conservation efforts.

Learn about invasive species and how to identify them. Not all snakes are aliens.

Report an exotic. If you're in the Keys, call 1-888-IVEGOTONE and a trained, rapid responder will be dispatched to your location. Report the finding even if it's not current -- all collected data helps researchers.

Have an unmanageable exotic? Don't release it into the wild. That's illegal. Give it up for adoption on Pet Amnesty Day organized by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.

Watch Operation Wild. The show follows Florida Wildlife Commission officers as they rescue animals and enforce laws. It's currently airing on local cable at Animal Planet.

Also watch Swamp Wars on Animal Planet, which follows Miami-Dade Fire Rescue's Venom One unit as they respond to snake bite reports and sightings of dangerous invaders.

Bird Whisperer

2011-11-30T00:16:00.005-05:00

It seems like bird rescue has been in the air lately. Rick from South Florida Daily Blog paid attention to a restless, pacing mother duck outside his home and realized her ducklings were caught in a sewer. Pembroke Pines Fire and Rescue scooped the ducklings up with a net, but Rick reunited them with their mother.

Last week, I was walking at Matheson Hammock Park when I spotted a royal tern standing solo in a puddle of muddy water. Unusual, I thought. It just stood there, not preening, not drinking, not fishing for minnows with its beak. And where was its flock?

I knew then something was wrong. I tried to shoo it away (a bird like that is easily spooked and will fly) when I noticed it couldn't go far on the ground with out plopping its breastbone down when trying to spread its wings.

It looked fine on the outside and the wings spread normally. Perhaps it had some internal injury or illness.

I knew then I had to cut my walk short and rush to the Pelican Harbor Seabird Station. My first reaction was to get a box from the Red Fish Grill to transport the tern, but the restaurant was closed on Monday. Then I looked around in the garbage pails and sure enough, there was a cardboard box, just the right size.

A small miracle.

It squealed at me when I tried to grab it, but I eventually held it gently, put it in the box, which I snuggled into the front passenger seat, covering it partially with an old car rag so the tern would feel secure.

The tern was quiet during the ride. I could hear it shuffling around but it never uttered a sound. Once I arrived at the station about 1 hour later -- it was rush hour -- the staff was gone, so I left it inside one of the carrying cases outside.

I called a couple of days later and the tern wasn't doing so well. I hope he made it.

I don't know why, but I am always finding injured birds. The tern's eyes were pitch black, so dark yet I could feel it speaking to me with its gaze. The innate intelligence of birds speaks far louder than words. I'll admit, I cried a little. I'm sure it was hanging on and in pain or maybe beyond pain, resigned to this surreal experience.

Animals should always bring compassion out in us. There was nothing I could do but try to help this poor creature. I delayed my evening plans. Everything else could wait.

If you find injured wildlife in the South Florida area, contact the fine folks at the Pelican Harbor Seabird Station, who are devoted to the rehabilitation release of sick, injured and orphaned wildlife in and around Miami's Biscayne Bay. They accept all injured wildlife, including mammals and reptiles, but no dogs or cats. Injured animals can be dropped off 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 305-751-9840 for more information.

Happiness is Light Tackle

2011-11-17T13:13:00.024-05:00

Part 3 of 3 of my Ladies, Let's Go Fishing stories. Part 1: Women Anglers Hook Fish and Fun in Islamorada and Part 2: Inshore Fishing with Captain Bob Jones.

On a recent fishing trip with Captain Bob Jones as part of the Ladies, Let's Go Fishing weekend, I had a lot of time to meditate on our way out to his fishing spot and back to port -- approximately one hour each way in the prevailing wind and sea conditions. I couldn't get over how ridiculously happy I was, my heart swelling with every passing wave on this incredibly empowering feeling that I had "arrived."

I hesitate to sound dramatic, but there's a reason why I'm into this whole fishing thing -- it's something close to my heart. Fishing out in these waters with good folk was a life-altering experience for me, or perhaps, more appropriately, a return to something I had known and loved but had neglected for way too long. This trumped everything before it and made me seriously question where I am focusing my energy in my life right now.

While the wind was buffeting my face, I didn't give a damn. My heart was open and fully present. The water, ironically, was grounding. It was only three years ago I was stuck at home overcoming agoraphobia and here I was out in the wide expanse of bay with not a shred of anxiety or fear in my body. My soul was soaring. I loved every second of it.

Remember, agoraphobia is fear of being outdoors. For a long while, I couldn't even be in a car, let alone drive one. A sea craft was out of the question. And here I was, happily, enthusiastically and eagerly embracing the outdoors.

Life flashed by in my mind, but in a good way.

I remembered the treble hook caught in my finger when fishing with a hand line under a bridge on Key Biscayne at the tender age of five. Years later, as an adult during my galley wench days, sailing on Biscayne Bay with friends. The countless fishing trips to the Glades. The first and only tarpon I ever caught in Flamingo one glorious morning at sunrise. Gliding a canoe over a 16 foot alligator in a mangrove tunnel. Fishing for sea bass in northern Spain with a blind date with whom I would never fall in love. Gratitude that my last boyfriend broke up with me, as he would have never understood and supported this lifestyle -- he religiously got manicures, can you imagine him handling a slimy fish?

And the heartbreak I felt when an old ex took another woman fishing -- of course it bothered me that he slept with her, but taking her fishing? That was the ultimate betrayal and a deal breaker for me.

And yet I am forever grateful to him. He introduced me to this world.

Our love may have not become a marriage after so many years, but the experience of a man and a woman fishing together time and time again is almost as intimate as sex and practically as sacred as tantra. You're out there, being patient with yourselves, with each other and the task at hand. You share spaces and golden silences. You don't need to talk because you both love what you're doing and you're doing it together. (The "no yelling" part of Ladies, Let's Go Fishing is so funny to me in this respect.)

Nothing out here but water and mangrove islands. Gets you thinking. It's liberating.

Maybe it's the kind of fishing I love to do -- inshore, which requires predatory stealth sometimes, an eagle eye and quiet focus. There's an inner warrior, meditative quality to this style of fishing, which I can relate to as a yogi. It's almost as if I'm on the mat, connecting my mind, body and soul in an activity that I love.

There's something about fishing in remote inshore waters that puts me in touch with a part of myself that gets easily distracted by life in urban Miami -- too much going on all the time. Not that there's anything wrong with everything that the city has to offer. But for me, fishing out in the back country brings me back to my core self, where things are simple and real. That's really what my heart desires: simple and real.

And yet there is always the mystery of what lies underwater, the primordial contact between human and beast, the wonder and excitement of what might bite, the gear, the technique and the strategy. Fishing is simple and yet never boring in that way.

Since I've experienced this great weekend with Ladies, Let's Go Fishing, some of my gal pals have asked me: "I don't get it. What the hell do you like about fishing? That's so weird to me. I'd rather be shoe shopping."

Well, I love me a pair of fancy shoes just like the next gal, but on most days, honestly, I'd rather wear flip flops. Fishing is something you either love whole-heartedly with every fiber of your being, or you don't. You can't fake it. It's too much work and effort to fake it.

Actually, just like sex and intimacy, you shouldn't be faking anything at all. When I'm fishing, I feel I'm truly authentically myself. That's why I love it, because it reels in my true heart, it brings me in contact with nature, my nature, which can be wild yet calm and yearns for this kind of grounding. There is the inner wilderness we see with our hearts and the one we see with our eyes -- trees, birds, water and fish. When you fish, it call comes together. At least for me.

There is so much more to fishing than meets the eye. And that's why I title this post Happiness Is Light Tackle ... it's about following your passion, but catching it without too much baggage, not too much heavy line, weighty hooks and sinkers. Tossing out overboard whatever no longer serves you and being authentic. It's about seeing it ahead of you and casting for it and seizing whatever aligns your personal happiness with your purpose.

For me, fishing isn't just about the fish, but a completely spiritual and yet visceral exercise.

As I prepare for an event I'm organizing called HeartCamp, it doesn't surprise me at all that I had a major heart-opening over the weekend regarding my long lost love: fishing.

Fishing is a metaphor for life here. What are you doing in your life to cast forward? Are you catching your dreams? Are you following the currents of your heart? Have you checked in with the inner wilderness, far from the distractions of daily life?

Inshore Fishing with Captain Bob Jones

2011-11-17T12:10:00.023-05:00

Part 2 of 3 of my Ladies, Let's Go Fishing stories. Part 1: Women Anglers Hook Fish and Fun in Islamorada and Part 3: Happiness is Light Tackle.

The Spanish mackerel was released, but probably would have made a tasty smoked fish dip.

After a great day of seminar work at Ladies, Let's Go Fishing, I had the opportunity to go inshore fishing with Captain Bob Jones who operates out of Islamorada in the Florida Keys. A fellow lady angler was my fishing buddy on this outdoor excursion.

Our day started at 7:30 AM as we pulled out of Whale Harbour in his skiff, headed to the barrier banks where the Gulf of Mexico meets Florida Bay in Everglades National Park. No sooner did we anchor and put out a chum slick, that we were catching Spanish mackerel and lady fish on live shrimp.

Lady fish are like mini-tarpons. They jump and provided good practice for a future hook-up with Megalops atlanticus. It's important to keep the line slack when a fish jumps or you could lose the fish.

We navigated through some beautiful mangrove channels on our way out into the bay.

Since my fishing buddy and I had some experience, we were baiting the hooks and casting on our own, but not without some very important tips from Captain Bob Jones, which I appreciated. We also practiced using a dehooker, which allows you to release a fish without ever touching it. The less contact with a fish you're going to release, the better.

The day before, Captain Bob Jones had taught me how to cast a net for bait at one of the skills stations. I managed to do an OK job, with the net falling almost in a full circle. Had there been pilchards or pinfish under that net, I might have nabbed some.

There's definitely some very finessed skill involved. Practice, practice, practice is the only way to get it.

Captain Bob Jones is originally from Ohio and came from a corporate background when he decided to make a life here as a professional guide. He started fishing here in 1981 while on holiday and got hooked on the fish as well as the laid-back life and natural beauty of the Florida Keys.

I'll admit, some fishing guys can be quite scruffy and rough around the edges, which is wonderful in its own way, but Captain Bob Jones was elegant in his demeanor. With a sweet voice and relaxed attitude, it was a pleasure to fish with him on the barrier banks.

My fishing buddy actually helped maneuver the skiff while Captain Bob tried to net pilchards. She's an experienced boater and angler.

The affable Captain Bob with yours truly.

The day was a little rough, with wind blowing upwards of 20 MPH, but we still had pretty good sea legs and no seasickness on this vessel. Captain Bob Jones did a great job of keeping me relatively dry with the boat maneuvering the surface chop.

Around 2 PM, we were back at Whale Harbour and enjoyed some refreshment after a long day. I had a chance to talk to Captain Bob Jones on video.

GO FISHING!

Captain Bob specializes in bonefish, permit and tarpon in season and is available for other charters as well. Although we were spin casting, he can also do fly. Learn more at Captain Bob Jones.

Women Anglers Hook Fish and Fun in Islamorada

2011-11-16T09:41:00.040-05:00

Part 1 of 3 of my Ladies, Let's Go Fishing stories. Part 2: Inshore Fishing With Captain Bob Jones and Part 3: Happiness is Light Tackle.

A good day on the water indeed! That's Captain Skip Bradeen's Blue Chip Too in the background, docked at Whale Harbour.

Ladies, Lets Go Fishing exceeded my expectations this past weekend in Islamorada in the Florida Keys -- a sport fishing mecca for recreational and professional anglers.

Over the course of the weekend, we made new friends, networked and oh yeah, all the good fishing stuff – lectures from local captains, skill stations where we learned how to tie knots (the fishing kind, not marital ones), rig ballyhoo, cast a net for bait, gaff a fish, fly cast, how to position the body for landing large fish, plus conservation, rules and regulations from the Florida Wildlife Commission and so much more.

Our immersion culminated in a day of fishing on Sunday, where despite wind and chop on the water and a few unfortunate cases of seasickness, the offshore excursion ladies nailed bag limits of mahi. I chose to fish inshore, but more about that in another dispatch.

FISHING 101

Move over guys, this woman knows her fishing. Lee Lavery is a licensed captain but she doesn't currently guide boats. However, she does support, promote and practice the art and science of fishing here in South Florida.

Captain Lee Lavery, who heads a South Florida chapter of Ladies, Let’s Go Fishing in Fort Lauderdale, started our beginner’s track with a basic demonstration of rod, reels, tackle and gear. She taught us about circle hooks being more fish-friendly than J hooks (you want to avoid gut hooking a fish) and how to properly handle a fish you intend to release (wet hands and always sideways). Fishing Basics also covered the differences between braided line and monofilament, what is reel drag and many additional technical details.

She also made recommendations on bait. “If all else fails, if you learn one thing today” Captain Lavery explained, “use squid.” She then also pointed out how you can be creative – one fellow angler once caught a sizable grouper on a piece of fried chicken.

The more experienced anglers followed an intermediate track in a different room, but all of us had a chance to work with all of the captains at the different skill stations.

Captain Rick Rodriguez of Sea Horse Charters sported a serious tattoo. The local air force veteran lectured on bottom fishing.

Each of us received a hardbound notebook chock full of information, including a section from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.

Conservation was a constant thread in our lectures and conversations – every good angler is also a steward of the environment. It's one of the things I love about this outdoor sport; it brings me closer to nature and the Everglades, a unique Florida ecosystem that is dear to my heart.

It may seem ironic to put conservation and fishing together in the same sentence, since we are, after all putting undue stress on the fish. But there are ways to fish that minimize damage to the animal and the old days of handling fish inhumanely and keeping every catch for bragging rights are long gone.

ABOUT THE LADIES

I finally invested in a microfiber shirt with zippered vents. The fabric dries quickly if you get wet out on the drink. Sylvia M is a familiar face in a small world. I met her during the St. Augustine Pirate Festival last year! Her husband is a fishing captain.

There were sixty women here ranging from ages 16 to 75 taking it all in and not all of them were local. Some hailed as far as Oregon, California and Quebec. One of two mother and daughter teams in attendance were originally from Michigan. They currently live in St. Petersburg. "I moved to Florida a couple of years ago," said the daughter. "I wanted to learn how to fish for real now that I'm a Floridian."

Another couple of gals came from Virginia. "We fish on the Potomac River and the beach for striped bass," one of them explained. "I thought I knew some things about fishing before, but I'm learning so much new information."

The educational value of LLGF was perfect for me, an inshore angler with some prior experience who needed a serious refresher course. But in addition to learning, I was moved by the incredible camaraderie of the group. Put a bunch of women in the same room with a desire for one thing – fishing – and you have beautiful empowering energy.

Many of the women showed up without there husbands, proving that you don't need a man to follow your passion for fishing. That being said, some husbands were present supporting their wives' love of the sport, including of course, Betty Bauman's other half, the inspiration behind it all.

Some single women were part of the scene as well. Lisa T from Pompano Beach confessed that it wasn't hard to meet guys, but definitely hard to meet one that is open to the idea of his woman fishing. "I miss fishing more than I miss my ex," she said. "I need a Plan B."

There was amazing mentorship from the more experienced anglers and just a general sense of mutual support. According to one angler, women fishing with women is definitely a cordial activity. "Women don't compete with each other like men do," she said. "We rally and support each other."

THE SKILL STATIONS

After lectures, we had lunch, saw a fashion show and moved on to the skill stations, where we received hands-on practice. My first skill station was passive -- simply sleeping under a fiberglass image of a tarpon mounted over my bed at Holiday Isle's Postcard Inn. Tarpon weren't available for us this time of year. Megalops atlanticus is a migratory fish and many have moved on to the Gulf of Mexico to winter while enjoying a few margaritas. They'll be back full-force in the spring though.

Talk about immersion, I even got to sleep with a tarpon at the beautifully remodeled Postcard Inn at Holiday Isle. I'll catch you again someday, you wily fish you.

Can a petite, slim woman catch a big fish while standing up? You betcha, especially if you balance your body correctly. Betty Bauman would later "attach" a human diver to her rod to demonstrate the technique in the pool. "Reel down, pull up," she kept repeating.

Pat K of Clearwater practicing a fly cast with world-record holder fly fisherman Captain Jim Anson, who can show you some secret Peacock Bass grounds in Miami. Pat had come a day early and landed a 35 pound cobia during an offshore fishing trip with Captain Skip Bradeen of Blue Chip Too Charters.

Elizabeth B from the gulf coast was filming a TV pilot show. Seen here practicing casting a net for bait with the "teeth" technique. Captain Bob Jones was leading this skill station.

Theresa M gaffs a grapefruit for practice. A gaff is a large hook attached to a pole used to bring a fish on board. It's not as easy as it looks. Theresa helps run an invitational fishing tournament called Fishing for Dreams in St. Augustine to help children with life threatening medical conditions.

Susan O from Miami has been fishing since she was a little girl. "I started fishing at a young age with a pole and bread," she said. "I've learned so much this weekend. No guys ever took the time to show me a better way to cast."

Tying knots is an essential skill for anglers. Seen here, the hands of Captain Bruce Pollock demonstrating a "uni" knot.

THE REWARD

On Sunday, most of us chose to go fishing either inshore or offshore. Everyone had a successful day out on the water.

These ladies went fishing out of Whale Harbour and caught their limits of dolphin (mahi). Other anglers caught tuna, yellowtail snapper, pompano, redfish, mangrove snapper and more.

The reward, besides the experience itself: a delicious meal among new friends.

WHO LIKES TO FISH?

Charlotte U from Sebring was an absolute beginner but also an absolute darling. This grandma was determined to catch a fish she could eat no matter what. And she did! I interviewed her during our Saturday night social hour at Pasta Pantaleo's art gallery in Islamorada. Pantaleo paints beautiful canvases of marine life and fishing scenes.

RESOURCES AND INFO

Ladies, Let’s Go Fishing, the "no yelling" school of fishing for women, holds similar workshops and experiences four times a year throughout Florida. The 2012 seminar schedule includes Southwest Florida/Naples: March 16-18, South Florida/Ft. Lauderdale: April 20-22, Treasure Coast/Stuart: May 18-20 and Keys/Islamorada: Nov. 9-11.

To learn more, check out a video a video interview of Betty Bauman I shot while fishing with this legendary lady angler about the inspiration behind the school. (In a nutshell, she got sick and tired of her husband yelling at her while fishing.)

Whether you are new to fishing or an experienced angler, these workshops are a great way to acquire much knowledge and practice skills in a fun, stress-free environment while networking with others who have similar interests. Keep in mind you can't learn everything about fishing in just one day though. Fishing is a lifestyle and lifetime passion with plenty of room for growth. Just like most else in life, practice is key. Workshops like this reinforce the practice.

I was also told that the paperback Baits, Rigs and Tackle by Florida Sportsman king Vic Dunaway contains everything you could ever possibly want to know about fishing in Florida.

And don't forget to understand and practice your conservation regulations. Learn fish identification and keep your fishing license current. More information at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.

MORE PHOTOS ON FLICKR

44 Going on Goofball

2011-11-08T22:51:00.002-05:00

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few," wrote Zen Buddhist Shunryu Suzuki.

That smile portended so much. I'm still a goofball, mischievous kid inside. Will I ever grow up? I hope not.

If I've learned one thing, it's that wisdom and joy are not mutually exclusive.

Happy birthday little girl. You've come a long way.

Fishing the Fort Lauderdale Intracoastal with Betty Bauman

2011-11-05T11:45:00.014-04:00

Yours truly finally got her hands on something long and hard yet flexible.

About two weeks ago, Betty Bauman, founder of Ladies Let's Go Fishing, gave me a call and asked me if I wanted to go fishing on her new boat. Well, of course, I said yes! The occasion? Videotaping for CBS Miami's Aquatic Adventures, a TV segment hosted by meteorologist and accomplished angler Jeff Berardelli.

We launched out of beautiful John U. Lloyd State Park in Dania, got live bait at the 15th Street Fisheries and then tooled around the intracoastal for half a day among the mangroves, barges and docked cruise ships of Port Everglades. Airplanes flew above us as they landed or departed from FLL. I'm very used to fishing in the Everglades back country far from civilization, so it was interesting to be out on such an urban body of water.

The Baumans usually fish out in the ocean, but it was quite choppy and that's why we chose to cast inshore.

One of our crew was a young woman who had taken a Ladies Let's Go Fishing seminar in the past. She hails from Ohio originally and she got our only catch, a small puffer fish.

Betty is becoming a great mentor for me. She works very hard to put these events together for lady anglers and I really admire her.

Jeff was fun to fish with ... he's from New York originally. All water babies will love his Aquatic Adventures.

Behind-the-scenes videotaping of Aquatic Adventures. We could see fish in the depth finder, but they weren't hungry apparently.

It was a windy day and nothing was biting. We tried lures, live pilchards and frozen shrimp.

Don't order these with your conch fritters.

Betty's husband grew up in Fort Lauderdale. The affable guy told me that catches were active here back in the day, so I hope our hard luck didn't speak to the deterioration of this marine environment. John U. Lloyd State Park is an anomaly here -- a beautiful barrier island with no beachfront condos, but chock full of native plants, enormous dunes and mangroves. In spite of this, we couldn't even spot a mangrove snapper, which you might expect to find here.

Anyway, it was a great occasion to practice my casting skills. In Jeff's video, he says it had been a long time since I had my hands on a pole, but that's not true Jeff, I took a few pole dancing classes last month. Now a rod, yes. It had been a long time for that!

NO YELLING

In a true tale of angling romance, Betty actually met her hubby at a fishing event. She started this "no yelling" school of fishing so that women could be empowered with fishing skills and the guys would stop complaining. When I asked Betty where I could find me a fisherman, she hinted I should move to the Florida Keys.

Now there's an idea I could bite.

As they always say, a bad day on the water is better than a good day in the office and truth be told, it wasn't a bad day at all. And I know I must have done ok, because there was no yelling from the menfolk in the boat.

I'll probably end up buying one of these tank tops though I like to wear long sleeves because of the sun.

Follow me on Twitter next week @vicequeenmaria, November 11-13, as I live tweet my fishing adventures in Islamorada from Ladies, Let's Go Fishing. I won't be tweeting if I have a rod in my hands ... must concentrate and focus on the potential strike.

There's still time to register for the event if you are interested in attending the seminars and fishing trips.

To see me and the rest of the anglers in Jeff's Aquatic Adventure TV segment, click over to CBS Miami.

Below is my interview with Betty. Sorry for my bra strap showing. I've lost some weight and my clothes are loose. I need a fishing wardrobe stylist.

Is fishing better than sex? Find out in the video.

If you'd like to hear a full interview with Betty on my co-hosted radio show Social Chats, visit our podcast page.

Listening to My Heart: Rethinking Celibacy

2011-11-01T22:08:00.020-04:00

I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

First of all, this whole Kim Kardashian divorce crap, which is an insult to humanity and a prime example of why you should never follow celebrity lives as a role model. Here I am potentially avoiding marriage and others are making a mockery of this institution.

And then, I have a very refreshing personal conversation with Laura Doyle, a best-selling author and relationship coach, whom I will be interviewing twice next week, once during my co-hosted radio show Social Chats and the other in person at the Women's Success Summit, where I will also be a panelist on the first day. Laura is the author of two books, Surrendered Wife and Surrendered Single; she also creates workshops for single women who find dating a challenge.

In her most recent Surrendered Single e-newsletter, Laura says that love is our birthright and that we really shouldn't put off or delay on dating. In general, she basically believes in good old fashion courtship, love, honor and respect. Women need to act like ladies and men need to act like, well, men.

I first learned of Laura's work when I was a tango aficionado many years ago, dancing several days a week in the local Miami milonga scene. A woman on a tango bulletin board introduced me to Laura's concepts in the book Surrendered Wife, the tips from which she was following meticulously in her marriage to a man who also happened to be her dance partner.

Tango is a beautiful metaphor for relationships.

It's all about give and take, energy exchange, understanding masculine and feminine and the dynamic involved between the two. For a woman, it's all about letting go, without being a doormat. It's about having power without having to wear the pants all the time. Opening yourself up to receive is very powerful on the dance floor, but also in life.

It intrigued me.

There is a part of me that wants to fly off the planet and scoff at Laura's advice -- the independent, happy part of me. My life is rich without a man or intimacy.

But there is that other part, the one that is missing some goodness that we all deserve. Love is part of life's bounty. Want to get to me? Make me listen to a cello score or talk to me about planning a beach wedding. I am the hardest cynic and yet still the softest romantic.

Walking alone at dusk in the rain today, with the easterly wind blasting my face and the herons flying by on Biscayne Bay, I really, truly seriously had to ask myself: "What the hell are you waiting for, you idiot? Why are you delaying love? You are about to turn 44! For Christ's sake, woman!"

Laura is absolutely right. Why the hell am I postponing love? Heartbeats are on borrowed time for all of us. We are only leasing our bodies. Days are getting shorter this time of year but life is slipping away even if I should have many years ahead of me.

Her advice also terrifies me, because honestly, in spite of the dozens of networking and social events I attend practically every day, I am not meeting *the* man.

Even though I go out and have no issue experiencing things or need a lover to enjoy them -- I seriously take childish wild grateful pleasure in every breath I inhale -- that man hasn't manifested himself.

Is it a Miami thing? A *me* thing? Every fucking interesting guy on the planet seems to be attached or has been attached and is wearing some sofa king size baggage; I just keep chalking it up to "well, this just means some better chap is wending his way to me."

But I also have to be honest with myself. What message am I sending out? I must be wearing some incredibly supersonic shield to be keeping so many would-be lovers away from this devoted affection I could offer. I guess if I don't publish a fucking ad on the proverbial Craiglist of life, no one is going to answer.

Obviously, if I say the shop is closed, no one is going to want my incredible mind-blowing services.

So maybe I need to rethink this whole celibacy thing. Maybe there's something inside of me that's afraid or resisting and I wouldn't be surprised. Previous relationships involved a person who had a serious mental condition and the other one had me subject to physical violation.

Laura made me think of a place I'm not comfortable visiting, even though I am a travel writer. There are continents, rifts, deep oceans and airy caverns in my heart that would require a passport and a major TSA x-ray. I simply shouldn't hesitate to visit me, be in me and live me all the time, right?

Why don't I go there?

Because it hurts.

And in my mid-40s, I'm fucking exhausted. Just tired of it all. Can't a guy just show up and be real?

And that's what it has been like for me this last week, contemplating all of this. I'm thinking Laura and the tropical deluge that kept me from my long walks outdoors were in 'angel' cahoots to provide me with some insight. And when I finally stepped outside, I could see things through a glass darkly.

I have to deal with that inside part of me that is easy to ignore when you practice yoga poses. This is controversial: can contentment lead to ignorance? Being happy in your body but ignoring your soul? Yoga is about connecting mind, body and spirit. Can you be too happy for your own good?

Sometimes you have to dig deeper, forget about having the tight ass and look at what you're doing emotionally. Sometimes this involves going to happy hour and drinking a couple of martinis instead of doing asana. You just have to say 'fuck it' -- my soul is calling me. Yes, even physical 'yoga' can be a distraction from your ultimate spiritual purpose, if it keeps you from connecting to that part of yourself that still needs nurturing, development and evolving. Bramacharya is perhaps holding me back. All that 'feel good' granola stuff might be sugar-coating ugly shit I need to face.

I need to take a good look in the mirror.

What does a woman have to do to make herself open to love without risking all her dignity and sanity?

I think this is a question I'm still asking ...

Oh, let me repeat the question:

What does a woman have to do to make herself open to love without risking all her dignity and sanity IN SOUTH FLORIDA?

And I know this isn't just a single woman thing. Divorcées out there know what I'm talking about, too.

Don't get me wrong. My life is rich in deeply spiritual, meaningful connections. My heart bursts with agape love all the time like it's baby lemurs playing in romper room for sheer joy. (And you know I've gone there.) But I'm longing for a deeper intimacy that doesn't come from such connections. I'm listening to my heart.

What else can I say? Even though I'm questioning my heart's current method and being perfectly honest with you here, I know I'm still following my heart. Dear readers, get in touch with that. It's the only thing you can truly hold on to, no matter what phase of life you happen to be experiencing. Be true to yourself, even if that truth is raw and uncomfortable.

We'll see what happens ...

Kim Kardashian Divorce: What Would You Do With $10 Million?

2011-10-31T13:27:00.017-04:00

Photo courtesy of Beacon Radio's Flickr on Creative Commons.

My twitter following twisted my arm to write about this, though I hesitated. Anyway, unless you are living under a rock, news of Kim Kardashian's divorce is sizzling all over the interwebz and it pisses me off.

Because I care about or know Kim personally? No.

It's because of the massive amount of money that was spent in this endeavor and because rumor has it that Kim actually profited from her marriage, even though she filed for divorce today, just 72 days after allegedly not much nuptial bliss.

This isn't really shocking news, actually. We're used to shallow entertainment making big bucks. And you have to hand it to Kim -- what an ace, pro business woman, bombshell, brand etc;

At the end of the day, to each his own. But look, British royalty is expected to spend a shit load on weddings, not American TV reality stars. Can you imagine what you could do with that cash?

You could fund non-profits. You could create endowment programs. You could create fucking jobs in America in the non-profit sector or whatever dirtbag Third World Country of your choice.

You could, and actually would, change the world.

The vanity and narcissism of this is appalling and justifies what some Europeans told me way back in 2001 when I was stuck in Spain after 9/11: "You Americans are just a bunch of uncultured yahoos who only eat hamburgers."

And what's worse? That the public takes it all in. If the Kardashians are famous, it's because we let them be. I'm guilty of that right now.

I actually think Kim is a smart girl but she needs to put her influence to good use. She needs to talk to Angelina Jolie. And who knows, maybe her husband turned out to be a real asshole.

I try to be compassionate when talking about people I don't know, but this is just so ridiculous. When you are a celebrity, you have a responsibility. Kim doesn't come across as a trouble maker and this is just a terrible example to all would-be brides of misplaced energy and resources.

Marriage is sacred and something to be taken seriously, I don't care if you are straight, gay, white, black, whatever. If you make a commitment, stick to it unless you find yourself in an abusive situation. Relationships require work and aren't perfect.

Don't tread lightly into that good night, so one poet said. I will add, don't tread lightly into that marital chamber.

People spend so much time focused on the wedding, they forget they have to work on a relationship. That's just messed up. A wedding is supposed to be a symbolic ceremony and gathering, not a sham party. Get over it!

This is one of the reasons why I'm not married, because if I ever do tie the knot, it will be one of the most serious decisions of my life.

And also, expect a humble wedding, even if I have cash to go shoe shopping in Dubai or fishing to any exotic saltwater destination in the world, I would be mortified and embarrassed to put together such an ostentatious shindig. Over the top weddings like this only flaunt vanity and have nothing to do with real love.

Am I saying people shouldn't have nice weddings? No. But just keep it real.

Am I saying I hate rich people? No. But I hate egregious waste when there are others suffering. Go ahead, have your nice wedding but give back as well.

I hope Kim finds a deeper path to pursue in her life. Being able to amass such money and following is one thing, now turn it around for good. In theory, she has potential.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Kim Kardashian's wedding to Kris Humphries cost a reported $10 million. What would you do with that amount of money to improve the world? Please leave a comment here or on my networks.

Silicone Bitch: GM Southeast Grassroots Awards

2011-10-29T13:29:00.027-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

Some South Florida social media and blogging royalty, left to right: @zipporahs, @dayngr, @johnnybond86, @miamishines, @vicequeenmaria, @thetinyjewelbox, @lapp,@midtownchica, @teachme2save. Visit each Twitter account for links to their respective websites. Missing here: @lizawalton.

In my last column, I bitched about the sometimes conflicting relationship between brands and bloggers, pointing out some of the confusing and negative aspects of those connections.

Well, this column is going to highlight a positive relationship and a brand that does it right.

Yesterday, a bunch of bloggers and social media influencers gathered at the South Florida Auto Show in the Miami Beach Convention Center for a GM Southeast "thank you" reception. For all of us who have worked with Chevy and other GM cars, it was a nice affair with food and drinks.

GM Southeast has been collaborating with bloggers and social media influencers on a hyperlocal, grassroots level for a while now, sponsoring fun events like pizza and croqueta crawls, among others.

They have supported my crazy travel and fishing trips as well the big tweetup SxSe, which I have been organizing in part with other co-conspirators for the last 4 years. GM also sponsored my participation at the National Association of Hispanic Journalist's conference this summer.

(Boy, FTC, hope you are happy now? I've disclosed so much, you can practically see my titties! Better get my pasties on.)

The women on the team, one who happens to be local blogger Midtown Chica, are a pleasure to work with, open to ideas for all kinds of creative projects that help content producers fulfill a vision or facilitate some event. They keep a fleet of cars for journalists and others just for this purpose, all managed by the very cute guys at Prestige, who deliver the car loans to your door.

GM events are always flawlessly organized, despite many logistical challenges. I know how hard it is to organize social media events, so I appreciate their work.

I was talking to a head PR honcho from GM yesterday about my relationship with Ford, which never really flowered after the Fiesta Movement; it was like a sudden divorce. Mind you, Ford was nothing short of spectacular during the Fiesta Movement. They were wonderful to work with during the project and I am extremely grateful to have been part of it; however, the follow-up was nil and I never heard back about some of my proposals to continue producing great adventure stories with Ford cars. I just assumed Ford had a similar fleet of cars like GM does for local bloggers, but I guess they don't or didn't.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? After seven months of being surgically attached to a Ford Fiesta, the umbilical chord was severed and the relationship fizzled quickly. Not good, right?

This is the big difference. I have said this before and will say it again. It's not about the car, it's about great things that happen with the car on an on-going basis.

It's all about community outreach and support -- yesterday, one guy who won an award actually went out of his way to take his Corvette loan to an under-served school in Liberty City so the kids could enjoy a ride.

I have worked with other car brands but GM and Chevy get my thumbs up for a regional department that gets it. It's no wonder the agency won the PR News Award for Best Digital PR Campaign of the Year in the $100K budget or under.

Our very own Jewel's Fab Life and Craig Agranoff won recognition that was well deserved; they are movers and shakers that make cool things happen. Unfortunately not pictured here, Heather Radi-Bermudez from FIU.

See brands? This is how it's done. Not once in all my work with GM was anything expected of me out of obligation, but out of mutual support and gratitude. They treat me like family. This is why I work with no other car brands and have stayed mainly loyal to GM.

Not that I wouldn't work with other car brands, but I have turned down projects because of this great relationship. I once passed on food crawl with Infiniti because I had just done a Chevy project. I told Midtown Chica: "I'm not a car ho. I'm not going to cheat on GM."

And by the way, GM is loaning me an Equinox for my last Trail of the Pirates investigation, which will be at Pirates in Paradise in Key West this December. This means I don't have to put miles on my old jalopy Toyota, which is a huge help for the long drive. Does that count as my FTC disclosure? (Insert eye roll.)

Silicone Bitch: Bloggers and Brands Make Strange Bedfellows

2011-10-26T21:07:00.038-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

Nothing is safe on the interwebz these days. Beware of what comes out of your yapping mouth. You might get in trouble!

We had a superb Social Media Club South Florida meeting yesterday at Florida International University North Campus. The subject? Social Media and the Law.

I would tell you who the presenters were but they actually told us that we might get in trouble for videotaping the session (that's unusual at Social Media Club) and so I'll leave it up to you to follow the link above, wink wink. But it was hilarious -- something tantamount to "please consult an attorney before considering this free advice from attorneys."

All kidding aside, the presenters were great and offered much valuable information on what is legal in any form of expression on the interwebz these days. It's actually so complex, it's a miracle anyone ever speaks at all through a tweet, a Facebook update or a blog post. Good grief, it's like every time you utter a word, you're walking on eggshells.

Applying for a job? Watch your ass. Own a blog? Feel free to moderate comments. It's yours and your not responsible for trolls engaging in defamation.

Or so they said. Please seek legal counsel because what I'm not liable for what I'm writing here.

Moving on ...

FOR YOUR BLOGGING EYES ONLY

I'm a huge proponent of self-publishing, so I want to focus on the topic discussed that would be of interest to bloggers -- the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) rulings on disclosure. It basically boils down to this: if you get free shit, you're supposed to tell your readers that the shit was free.

But here's the deal, in all my years as a travel journalist for "magazines" and "newspapers" -- remember those types of publications? -- I never had to disclose anything. Why are bloggers treated differently than journalists?

I'd go on press junkets, fam trips and write an article for Caribbean Travel and Life or other publications and I never had to say it was sponsored. Why now?

It's basically understood that writers who focus on lifestyle subjects such as travel, food, drink etc; generally get some perks, media passes, free stays at hotels, complimentary meals, gifts and so forth. A "journalist" doesn't have to disclose anything when he or she is given a media pass. Why should a blogger?

It begs the basic question: what is a blog? what is a blogger?

I have said this before and will say it over and over again. I am a professional writer who just happens to use the blogger format to self-publish my stories to share with the world. I am NOT a blogger.

IT'S ALL GOOD, BUT WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE?

Don't get me wrong. The FTC ruling is good; it basically prevents bloggers from being asshole shills who promote products. When celebrities make paid endorsements and they need to follow up on that in their social networks to keep it real and transparent. The bottom line here is to keep anyone from making misleading claims. The FTC law protects the consumer.

It comes down to type of content.

Check out this great post over at MomCrunch about Aveda and paid compensation for bloggers, which became a little scandal during the EVO conference this past summer. MomCrunch does a great job of explaining the BIG difference between editorial and sponsored content.

If you are writing advertorial and don't tell your readers, then you deserve a slap on the wrist.

However, do you think a beauty editor at Cosmo has to disclose she got a free sample of shampoo? Do you think a food critic at a newspaper has to tell you whether or not every meal was complimentary? No! This is standard practice, especially in the travel and lifestyle industries.

It's a tricky question for bloggers.

A savvy, reasonable and ethically responsible blogger isn't going to write misleading editorial.

I think it's bad blogging to do product reviews, I don't care how much you are getting paid, because that is sponsored content.

In that case you can say "my blog is endorsing this product," but then the issue is whether or not you have original content that is worth reading or your blog is suddenly "owned" by a brand and you are slaving over a hot stove for a few bucks.

Many brands are highly abusive of bloggers who just want a second in a spotlight. Seriously, would you have blogged so much and done a Youtube video for one freakin' bottle of shampoo from Aveda? I don't think so.

Bloggers, don't sell your soul for some corporate interest without making an equitable agreement that supports the quality of your work.

Ask yourself: is it worth it? In some cases, it is. That brand or business better be giving you something touched by Midas. Ideally, the partnership is so organic and germane to your topics of interest, that it makes sense to partner with a brand and get compensated for it whether in cash, goods or services. And you don't give up your voice at all; it flows seamlessly.

It's a true endorsement agreement that works for both the brand and your blog. And yes, that you definitely should disclose, but if you're good at it, you'll produce great sponsored editorial, not just content.

I hope that makes sense: sponsored content, editorial, advertorial and "sponsored" editorial.

THE SITUATION HERE AT SEX AND THE BEACH

In my case, I have worked with brands such as Ford and GM, as well as numerous travel entities, venues, businesses and events. For the most part, I try to tell my readers who is supporting what, but I'm not going to disclose every single stinking penny that I didn't spend. That's just ridiculous.

I have accepted "media" perks and passes in order to produce great content for my readers. I have never lost my voice or become an exclusive brand ambassador. I'm a lifestyle blogger. I get invited to stuff. So does the same editor or contributor at Miami New Times, Sun Sentinel and the Miami Herald. What's the difference?

Regarding the FTC ruling, I pride myself on being obnoxiously honest, but you all know that I tell it like it is. If I don't like something, the heavens roar. Or maybe I just won't write about it. PR loses. Rogue journalists like myself have to maintain a delicate balance with businesses and interests in their communities.

I don't see why or how I could possibly get in trouble with the FTC, but the question did cross my mind last night and I think it's a hugely important one for all bloggers to consider as they evolve. When should I disclose? Why am I working with this brand or business?

You will not believe the many requests I get to do straight on product reviews or offers of text links, which I always flat out refuse. Oh and as if I needed content, some companies offer me blog posts that they write in exchange for nothing. Are they nuts? Why would I put something unoriginal on this blog? Nobody parks their ass on Sex and the Beach just because. A blogger has to choose their partnerships carefully. Keep your integrity and dignity.

There are two kinds of bloggers in the world -- those who want to monetize with ads and are forced to kiss the ass of brands and those who can monetize indirectly, like myself. I will not have any brand take over my blog, not even Google Ads. I will not have my content controlled by businesses and for this reason I don't accept advertising of any kind. I used to have barter ads, but no longer. If I link to anything, it's because I genuinely believe in it and enjoy it. Or it's a business that's supporting a particular project so I can bring you great content.

Also, keep in mind that when you start engaging advertisers, you are no longer a writer or a blogger. You are now not only a publisher, writer and editor of your own content, but a god damn salesperson, marketing department and coffee maker plus janitor. It's exhausting. That will sap every living ounce of creative juice out of you and then what's the point? You started a blog because you loved creating unique content, right? Who can wear so many hats?

Read my friend Stephanie Quilao's post on why she decided to move on from blogging to mobile publishing for some additional insight from a highly experienced top blogger.

BRANDS MAKE STRANGE BEDFELLOWS

I started this blog because I am a writer who loves to share and I find self-publishing to be a an exhilarating exercise that opens many doors. But if I were to sleep with brands every day, the spark and inspiration would be gone. It would have to be some excellent collaboration, like the Ford Fiesta Movement, to make me have that affair for a spell. I partnered with Ford because I knew it would give me opportunities to provide fun reads. It was never about the car. It was about the experiences that the car afforded me. Remember, I went gator wrestling. You can't top that.

So I want to say it now: every time I go to a "media" event, you will notice that I tell you it was a media event, so you better assume it was free, just like it was for the "journalist" from Miami New Times or the Miami Herald or whatever. And when I plan a travel series like Trail of the Pirates, I tell you in a final paragraph what businesses and institutions supported my travel and vision, just like the credits at the end of a PBS documentary.

I only work with businesses and brands that I genuinely like, but I am not an "endorser" of anyone brand or business in particular. I love many and am attached to none -- call it promiscuous.

My favorite PR people? Those who offer something for nothing. That's RESPECT ... because then it's coming from me because I want to, not because I have to. Those PR people get it.

You know you are getting 100% original opinion from yours truly, with no bullshit. There is no way to be a lifestyle blogger and get around this. If you are going to write about life and be a travel, food, drink, adventure blogger or whatever, you are inevitably going to be out there in the world and have to deal with the reality of brands and businesses who court you. You are writing about your niche; opportunities are there to be seized. Nothing wrong with that.

But that's it. You can and should do it all with transparency and integrity.

And if you are a business or brand, don't even bother to send me a request for a text link or blog post inclusion. I don't give up my Google juice or SEO any more than I spread my legs for some jerk.

Every Day is Halloween in South Beach

2011-10-25T11:56:00.013-04:00

Who is that woman? Taken at the fabulously renovated Hotel Breakwater. The rooftop terrace lounge is great. You can't beat that view of the ocean and Lummus Park.

Remember when I took a random stroll in South Beach a few months ago and bumped into a guy with a lemur on his shoulder? (And no, this wasn't the same recent lemur experience at Jungle Island.)

Well, on Saturday I was part of the freak show. You see, I wear a pink wig every time I go to a fundraiser -- it's something I've been doing for about two years now -- so when we left the Miami Rat Pack party to go for late supper at the 11th Street Diner, I was practically accosted by people on the street with hollers of "Nicki Minaj" and even one "OMG Lady Gaga."

Seriously people? You see a honky big ass over-40 Cuban woman wearing a pink wig and you confuse her with a young slim African-American hip hop star? Well, that's ok. I had a couple of martinis in me too. It was all in good fun.

On the way back, a camera crew stopped me on the corner of 10th and Ocean Drive, where the street was buzzing with energy, music blasting from the Clevelander. Apparently some very young heart throb Portuguese singer -- he was about 12 years old in menopause years -- was working the sidewalk crowd for some video footage.

His name is Carroral, but I can't find a darn thing on him in Google. For some reason, he said "Shakira" when we asked him what his name was on tape -- not exactly a smart marketing move, buddy. Anyway, although I am far from playing cougar, he serenaded me right there on the spot. He did have a sweet voice.

Never a dull moment, I tell you. If you miss South Beach for Halloween, don't worry. The show is on 365, 24/7. You don't have to go to a club to be entertained. Check out Ocean Drive, Washington Avenue and Lincoln Road for the best people watching south of Manhattan.

Special thanks to my partner in crime @miamishines for capturing the video on my iPhone.

Grand Debut of Sex y La Playa Cocktail in Miami!

2011-10-22T12:23:00.034-04:00

Sex on the beach looks romantic, but just think of all the sand up your ass. However, if you *must* have sex on any beach, try this one.

Every time I google Sex and the Beach, the sex on the beach cocktail comes up inevitably in search engine results, which is tiresome, for several reasons.

That little preposition makes all the difference in the world.

Sex on the beach, which sounds terribly romantic, is actually a gritty affair, putting many a human orifice to the test. Sex and the beach is so much better than sex on it ... so make sure you always grab your plush towel, cozy lounge chair or bed whenever canoodling seaside.

The original drink itself is too girly, like the punchbowl beverage you'd drink at a sorority hazing involving nothing more dangerous than taffeta -- what? vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice and cranberry? I don't think so ...

Here at Sex and the Beach, we like our drinks with a serious kick and mucho character, which is why, after a grueling three hours of work, fabulous mixologist Robert V Burr, his sidekick Papa Lazo and I came up with the best gin drink ever -- think tiki style with the botanical pleasures of this classic herbal liquor. In honor of the fact the we live in Miami, this kick-ass taste sensation was baptized Sex Y La Playa.

For my gringos, that's Sex and the Beach in Spanish, y'all.

Our mise en place. That's just a fancy French way of saying "get your shit together" before attempting any defiant act of mixology.

I could not have done this without my friend Robert. We've talked about him before here at Sex and the Beach. Check out Rum Renaissance Festival.

Papa Lazo came up with one of the subtle ingredients -- rose water. Effin' brilliant!

It's not drinking on the job; it's research! This cocktail was created after grueling experimentation at the super secret Rum Wreck Bar in an undisclosed location of Miami-Dade. It's by invitation only and it's where some serious cocktail magic happens. We actually studied several recipes, including a traditional Daquiri-style 1930's "Miami Beach" cocktail that featured gin. That recipe was from the Florida Bar in Cuba, where Hemingway used to wile away the hours over drinks.

Who says cocktail making isn't academic? There are books involved. You can even see I was taking notes on a napkin.

A page from a bartender's bible. Sex and, on, in, over, under, whatever ... will never be the same after this cocktail!

Why did we do this? Oh, because it's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it, plus we're entering a cocktail competition for Martin Miller's Gin called Trading Up, thereby giving this old "Sex on the Beach" hag a new facelift and boy does she look, taste and smell better than ever. It's like Joan Rivers blossoming into an ethereal virgin, keeping her wit, wisdom and sassiness intact.

I'm not going to give up the recipe in print just yet, but you can see our brilliant interpretation and execution in the video embedded at the end of this post.

Made with the freshest possible ingredients, Sex Y La Playa is a truly cosmopolitan drink, with many flavor profiles from around the world, capturing the essence of gin, which consists of many distilled wonders from the plant kingdom such as juniper, coriander, liquorice, cinnamon, cassia, nutmeg, angelica and orris root as well as orange and lemon peel. Adding a bit of eccentricity true to Martin Miller himself, the water used to produce this gin comes from glacial Iceland. You might even imagine Bjork serenading you softly as you take a sip.

There she is, Sex Y La Playa in all her glory!

The team: Robert V Burr, Yours Truly and Papa Lazo.

On this taste and scent journey, we also used Barritt's Ginger Beer and "Burlesque" bitters from Bittermen's. While international in nature, Sex Y La Playa is also a sensual tropical delight, featuring refreshing, effervescent Bermudan ginger beer and hibiscus as well as long pepper in the bitters -- all perfect, naughty complements to the gin.

I dare say there may be some aphrodisiac properties to this concoction, but I'll leave that to your imagination. It definitely makes a great apperitif to enjoy before a meal, but don't let me stop you from making this a pre-coital drink as well.

To learn more about the competition, visit Martin Miller's Gin on Facebook. More photos on Flickr.

SIDE NOTE
We didn't plan it, but Robert is wearing a Blue Heaven tshirt and I'm wearing a Green Parrot Bar tank top -- two favorite places in Key West. It takes a village to create a good drink recipe: special thanks to the Burr family, Robert for his mad mixology skills, Papa Lazo for the ideas, my friend Gita for manning the iPhone video, Lakshmi for the company and of course, Martin Miller's Gin.

Miami Rat Pack Party on Ocean Drive

2011-10-19T12:45:00.003-04:00

My friends and I at the social group Miami Rat Pack are putting together this rogue fundraiser to benefit the New World Symphony's community programs. Come on by and have a drink with us in South Beach at the Hotel Breakwater! The event takes place this Saturday, October 22, starting at 7:00 PM. Details at the tweetvite: Miami Rat Pack Fundraiser.

What is the Miami Rat Pack?

We are a group of friends from diverse professions who like to socialize in real life and use social media to stay connected online. The name recalls the early days of the 60's when the musical "rat pack" of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. and other artists used to perform in Miami, Vegas and Hollywood.

Miami Goes to the Dogs

2011-10-17T13:33:00.004-04:00

I'm not really a dog person, but I did have a chance to see the Incredible Dogs show, which is still playing under a tent at Bicentennial Park until October 23rd. It's actually quite fun to see these dogs -- most of them rescued from shelters -- perform some amazing tricks.

This lady was one of the more elaborately dressed of the performers. You get to meet and greet the dogs and their trainers at the end, which is a special treat.

For more information, visit The Incredible Dogs.

A Maria Miami tip: if you go, save a little money by parking in the meters on the side streets across Biscayne Boulevard. Miss Yip is a nice place to go for Chinese food and cocktails before or after the show.

I Touched a Lemur and So Can You!

2011-10-16T12:25:00.029-04:00

Lemurs jumping on me! See why I write about stuff that's more interesting than sex?

Life is all about serendipity. After I saw the amazing Animal Planet documentary Madagascar, I found out through a friend that Jungle Island here in Miami has an interactive lemur experience. This was on my bucket list and I didn't even know it was in my own backyard.

The lemur experience is the most fun you can have with your clothes on! Seriously. Mind you, I interviewed Ron Jeremy a few weeks ago but these primates were more touchable and less hairy. (Sorry, Ron, you're still awesome in your own way.)

For the lemur experience, a small group of people enters a nursery where juvenile lemurs are taken care of and, I might add, spoiled rotten by a lovely care giver. You sit on the floor and the pro-simians -- they're primates but not technically monkeys -- are let out of their enormous cage for playtime. They jump and leap all over the place, including you; you're part of the props. They eat treats out of your hand and just generally frolic.

As a yogi, I found it very grounding and therapeutic to hang out with the lemurs. I got in touch with some primal part of myself that had nothing to do with my damn iPhone, Facebook or Twitter. A truly "social" event, with no words spoken and none of the encumbrances of being human. One of them even nibbled my finger without biting!

I will probably go back to do this again from time to time because it's not like you can handle lemurs just anywhere in the world. These primates are endangered and heck, that plane ticket to Madagascar costs quite a few clams. This was truly a very special experience.

While most people come to Miami for beaches and nightlife, no one ever thinks to touch a Madagascar lemur right here on the shores of Biscayne Bay.

Lemurs are fascinating to me because their sexual and social behavior is worth pondering. In the animated movie Madagascar -- wildly riotous and funny for kids of all ages -- there is a lemur character named King Julian. But here's the thing: lemurs run a matriarchal society, so there is no "king" to speak of, only a queen. Women rule! So I guess that's a right match for South Beach, right? It's full of queens.

I'm not sure if this was "Nibbler" or "Athena" ... in this particular group, there were four females and one male.

Female lemurs are only available to mate for a very short period of time -- we're talking 24-48 hours -- once a year. So the guys better be on the ball and get their mating on or no future lemur babies will happen. This is all timed to perfection, so that lemurs are born just around or after the monsoon season when there is plenty of food.

Lemurs are not particularly monogamous. It's a fair game mating sperm war, so oh boy, those 24-48 hours of mating must be quite a spectacle of sex.

Credit: Animal Planet/BBC

Lemurs are also interesting because of the way they move. Think of a slow motion elegant ninja combined with a capoeira dancer with perfect posture. The yogi in me very much admires the flexibility and jumping power of these creatures. I think I need to create a lemur pose.

The Jungle Island lemurs are bred in captivity at refuge in Tampa; in my recent encounter with them, this particular troupe was just a few months old.

Eventually, the lemurs return to that facility where they spend the rest of their lives in as close as possible an environment to native Madagascar. The Tampa spot is not a public attraction, but rather a conservation sanctuary.

I had a bit of a moral dilemma with this as there is always the big question of how sad it is to see animals in captivity. But let's face it, we humans are stewards of the planet and we do "capture" animals, in every sense of the word, as they do us.

The old Parrot Jungle (the attraction preceding Jungle Island in Pinecrest) is a place I went to as a child and where I first learned to appreciate the animal kingdom. I think experiences like this further cement and bolster our potential to preserve and respect nature. I felt like a kid again coming here and breathed a sigh of relief knowing that there was something so special in a destination otherwise known for shallow entertainment.

I interviewed Mel, one of the animal handlers, after our group experience. The camera is a bit shaky, but that's because the lemurs were jumping all over the staff member who was kind enough to hold my phone! A very challenging shoot, for sure.

IF YOU GO

The 45-minute lemur experience is limited to adults or children of about 10 years or older who are well behaved. If you are skittish about animals and are a Monk-like OCD germaphobe, this is not for you -- although everything is extremely clean and tidy. But hey, if you have dogs and cats, you really shouldn't feel weird about this. There is a liability form to sign, but honestly, it's probably more dangerous to drive to Jungle Island than to spend time in close proximity to these animals. The lemurs are very soft and furry; they'll jump on your head and extend their tender paws gently when offered a raisin or bit of cereal.

At time of publication, the lemur experience costs $45 exclusive of entry to the rest of the attraction, which is a whole other park and a great place to visit if you only have a short period of time to explore South Florida. There is a beautiful tropical garden path (you won't see that many trees in South Beach) and even an authentic Everglades boardwalk, with mangroves, egrets and alligator gar in the ponds. For more information about the park, its shows and events, visit Jungle Island.

Ladies Let's Go Fishing Coming to Islamorada in November

2011-10-10T17:36:00.010-04:00

This would be a dream day for me. Photo via pmharkam on Flickr

At long last, my prayers were answered when I came across Ladies, Let's Go Fishing, a regular program of seminars for women who aspire to be or already are accomplished anglers.

Betty Bauman, the founder, is a lovely lady who lives in Broward. Bauman has been organizing these events in South Florida since 1997 in conjunction with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Over 6,000 female anglers have graduated from the seminars, many of them attending from other states and abroad.

I will be participating in the Islamorada program mid-November, a real birthday treat as I'm approaching the dreaded mid-40s! It's something I've been wanting to do for a couple of years and decided not to put it off any longer.

Although I have experience in fishing, I am looking forward to the beginner's track to start fresh from scratch, especially to finally get a grip on tying knots -- no pun intended. You can't really fish on your own, not even shore cast, if you can't adeptly tie lines and leaders. What if you lose a fish and have to start over? Well, there you go. I don't have a boyfriend to tie knots for me anymore. I need the schooling.

And I also want to meet other women who like to fish as this has largely been a male dominated sport, especially here in South Florida. That has certainly been the experience for me, but I hope it will change. I remember meeting fellow anglers when I was online dating and I'd get excited when they would tell me they liked fishing. But imagine my disappointment when they would remark "oh, it's a guy thing, a male bonding club, you can't come out on the boat with us."

I didn't like that exclusion. In fact, it was practically insulting to me and today, I would never consider dating a man who would hesitate to take me fishing with him.

Ladies, Let's Go Fishing is also known as the "No Yelling School of Fishing," so that women who do go out on boats can feel confident and skilled enough that they can hold their own in any angling situation.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Betty Bauman on my radio show last week with my co-host Tonya Scholz. Listen to the radio show at Social Chats Today.

We talked about everything under the sun, including how to protect your skin from the sun without actually killing baitfish in the live well. Slather some sunscreen on your hand and that might actually be toxic to the fish. In fact, the less you handle a fish you're going to release, the better.

Ladies' fishing fashions came up, too. It always irked me that women in Florida Sportsman magazine were modeling bikinis with a catch of a huge redfish or snook. Serious anglers know this isn't a vanity sport where you play girly girl trying to catch a tan while hooking a fish.

Bauman told me there are clothing manufacturers now making female-friendly zipper pants and mesh, breathable fabric shirts, which is a huge relief for me as I would wear a damn burqua to protect my skin. I realize that's not very sexy, but when you are out fishing for 8 hours in the day time, it's something important to consider.

But back to the adventure.

Bauman has been blessed with some incredible angling experiences; she told us about a salmon she caught in a river in Alaska. We also talked about how fishing is not just a sport, but an activity that inspires you to become a steward of environment. This is so important for our precious Florida Keys and Everglades back country water environments.

One of the things I loved most about fishing was going out at the crack of dawn and seeing nature in all its untouched glory. It was well worth the drive down to Everglades National Park, waking up at 3 am to be there at 6. When the first bait hit the water, it wasn't even about the fish that might bite, but about the splendor of hearing birds rise out of their rookeries or even the nuisance of a gator following the cork bobber going "plop" in the water as I cast by the mangroves. At that point, I didn't care if it was a croaking, slimy catfish on the the end of the line, a feisty jack crevalle or a fighting tarpon. I was out in a very special place that warranted respect.

Fishing is a very ironic sport. You are in love with the environment and yet obviously are going to kill something to eat if you're not releasing because your catch falls within conservation rules. It can be predatory, especially when you're sight casting with polarized glasses, seeing your unsuspecting prey swimming just below the surface of the water. It brings out the hunter in all of us, even women, who have been traditionally gatherers.

If you're not using a lure, you will stick a hook in a live bait and yes, this makes the yogi in me cringe a little -- the poor, damn stinky little shrimp suffering because of my sporting pleasure. But there is something primal about these experiences that feeds my soul, not just my belly. It is the noblest way you can catch a meal, where you can truly be thankful to the animal about to sacrifice its life, being very conscious of your actions. In this way, fishing is very yogic and requires incredible focus, concentration and patience. It is like meditation.

Staying informed about catch sizes, harvest limits and environmental laws also makes educational seminars like Ladies, Let's Go Fishing worth attending. Advanced anglers can go and fine tune their practice.

I am thrilled I will also get to do some inshore fishing with Captain Bob Jones, an expert guide who operates out of Islamorada. I think the plan is spin casting with light tackle and I will talk to him soon about what we might expect to catch.

There are still spots open for Ladies, Let's Go Fishing. The seminar is reasonably priced and will take place the weekend of November 11 at Holiday Isle. Can you say Rum Runners? I'm all over that too -- but early nights are important when fishing. Angling experiences are separate and cost extra. For more information, visit the site.

Yoga: Why I Don't Buy a New Mat

2011-10-07T13:29:00.016-04:00

Photo via Tiarescott's Flickr.

Some of you may already know that I used to be a yoga teacher. I did my 250 hour Yoga Alliance certified training nearly 10 years ago and because I already had a career as a writer, I would teach on a rather comfortable schedule of substituting for my colleagues whenever they needed me, especially for my Iyengar-based mentor, Allaine. I occasionally led a class on Miami Beach and had some private clients, but I wasn't committed to it full time.

Years later, for a spell, while I was going through my reclusive phase and dealing with anxiety disorder, I stopped teaching and doing poses. But I never stopped practicing yoga. Yoga isn't just about poses. The time I took away from the world to heal myself, to work with a life coach on my anxiety issues, get rid once and for all being a victim and getting caught up in drama -- all that was an act of yoga.

DON'T "BUY" INTO IT

Yoga has become way too commercialized here in the United States. While this is a blessing in disguise -- heck, at least you are doing something -- the real point of yoga is not to have a tight ass or spend bucket loads of cash on Lululemon hot tops and pants, traction towels, fancy mat bags and all that gear.

Yoga is not Bikram Choudhury who had the audacity to trademark 26 poses in a practice that should be FREE for all to share. What yogi drives around Los Angeles in Rolls Royces?

Yoga is not wearing birkenstocks or eating granola all the time. Yoga is not having to change your name to something Indian just because it sounds cool. I don't have to wear a sari or put a bindi on my third eye to be a yogi. I am Spanish, damn it, and I'm proud of my heritage. I can still be a yogi even if I still wear stilletos, don't have a sanskrit name and don't hail from the continental land mass we know now politically and culturally as India.

And yet in writing all this, I see the irony. Lululemon makes nice garb. There's nothing wrong with that. And of course I don't hate Bikram. Yoga is also a business and teachers have to make a living. God bless them. They are the true health providers of this country because yoga is an amazing practice for preventive health. If you do any yoga -- even limited Bikram -- that's good. Just do me a favor and give me a plank pose now and then, ok?

What I'm trying to tell you is this: less is more and don't be bedazzled by any glamor or retail or celebrity. Yoga is sweat, grit and constant introspection, a positive mind fuck. Witnessing your deepest heart self, stretching yourself emotionally so you can evolve and be a better you. Being patient in a traffic jam. Smiling at an idiot who just pissed you off. Laughing when shit doesn't work out and having faith against all odds. Yoga is something you are, not just something you do.

THE REAL YOGA

Yoga is an ancient art and spiritual science of the body, mind and soul. The early practitioners were probably part of some exclusive caste where women weren't even allowed, doing poses on a dirt floor over a palm frond mat or something. Think twelve year old skinny boys who were limber enough to squeeze themselves into a pretzel, living a monastic life, reading volumes of arcane tomes that are pre-Biblical and would probably put most people to sleep.

That's not exactly glamorous, is it?

Of course it's wonderful that yoga is universal now, with people practicing all over the world. No one "owns" yoga. It is not "Indian" in that sense.

There are eight branches to yoga and asana (poses) is only one of them. If you are lying in bed in and there is oxygen coursing through your bloodstream, you can still do yoga. You can do yoga in a wheelchair. You can do yoga if you are overweight and stiff as a door. You don't need any fancy shit to do yoga.

I practice poses again now and I also do bramacharya -- this is celibacy to live a healthy, drama-free life, being selective in the process of finding a loving companion and trusting that the right love is already in my heart, whether or not there is a man by my side. There is also the path of dharma -- something that has been on my mind a lot lately -- where you choose a vocation to do good. You devote yourself to help others.

The ultimate aim of all your downward dogs and headstands and twists is to get your body into shape so you can meditate. The purpose here is to be healthy physically so you can do good in the world and your body becomes second nature, something you don't think about. But the goal is spiritual. Not religious, mind you, but spiritual.

NAMASTE OLD MAT

I am still practicing poses on the same old mat I had when I first walked into Allaine Stricklen's class at a gym in South Beach nearly 15 years ago. Obviously, the journey has been long and it has some wear and tear. I thought about buying a new one the other day and then I asked myself why? For vanity's sake?

No thanks.

The mat works. It does its job. It has been my friend all these years, putting up with me in countless practices when I felt sad or happy, just simply being in the process of living.

My relationship to my mat is intimate. It tells the story of who I am. It is not a dumb, invisible thing that just puts up with pressure from my hands and feet or the imprint of my ass. It is a space I create for myself where I can cultivate love, peace and joy.

And of course, the most important thing is what I do off the mat. It always cloaks me, even if I'm not standing on it. It's an incredibly important symbol for anyone who practices yoga. So what if mine has a few worn spots? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Yoga is about non-attachment, but I think I'll stay faithfully attached to my old mat.

I won't be buying a new mat any time soon and let's hope my old warrior mat takes me through many more years of resilient practice.

What is your relationship to your mat?

The Day The Music Died: RIP Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T13:28:00.020-04:00

I almost hesitated to prepare a dispatch on Steve Jobs, but how could I not write a tribute to the man who changed the world?

Last night, I called my brother -- the mac guru who now lives in Hawaii -- seriously, he really is a total geek and has worked professionally in Apple IT -- to confirm the rumors I had seen on Twitter. Then I spoke all night with my blogger friend @skinnyjeans, who lives in Phoenix, on what this meant for all of us. Two women who usually talk about girly things, suddenly focused on Silicon Valley and the impact of technology.

Are you getting the gist of this? Mobile and global communication in just a matter of minutes.

I find it ironic that Jobs' death was announced just hours after the new iPhone 5 release. It's as if he was holding on for dear life, took his last breath and then said "look, I did it" before moving on.

Or maybe he died earlier. Maybe he passed on the same day as the much anticipated tech announcement and the spin engine of PR chose to delay the obituary.

Who knows? It doesn't matter.

Steve Jobs was a game changer, a paradigm shifter, a man for all ages -- can I come up with more corny praises? Whatever. He shall not soon be replaced.

Where do we go from here? I think it's no coincidence this whole "Mayan calendar" event horizon is supposed to happen next year. That isn't about the end of the world, but about transformation. This is about humanity being prehensile like monkeys using touch screens. This is about people like me reaching out to the world through a simple blog. This is a very exciting time to be alive and Steve Jobs was influential in that.

Seriously, young people out there ... what are you doing in tech and science to make this world a better place?

Jobs' death and battle with cancer was sad, but his life and accomplishments should be celebrated. We should ponder on how we can use technology to improve life for others who are suffering. We should take this momentum and go full speed ahead for good.

No other brand in the world could get people so emotionally passionate about technology. Good lord, I may be consciously practicing celibacy from a yoga and Buddhist point of view, but I am surgically attached to my iPhone. Thanks to this simple little device, I never feel lonely. (There's irony in that as well, but I'm chuckling. Technology is spiritual.)

I remember listening to Guy Kawasaki -- one of Apple's premiere evangelists -- when he came to do a talk in Coconut Grove for Network Solutions. He said something that always stuck with me. Apple came out with its first computer trusting that it would have a future, even though it wasn't perfect. The moral of the story was this: "Why wait? If you have a good idea, push it through and make it happen." Can you imagine if Apple had hesitated?

Perfectionism is not smart. It leads to stagnation. Being bold, imperfect and visionary is the way to go. Trusting in the process is key. There is no end to a good idea; there is evolution.

I shudder to think of the amazing technology we'll have in the future.

Oh and by the way, just look around you. Mother nature is a pretty good example of being bold, brilliant, visionary and yet imperfect. Models abound.

I remember writing my term papers at the University of Miami on some old macs, the little rectangle boxes. I almost wish I had one of those quaint antiques today, while I type this on my big-ass G5 desktop. Even fictional character Carrie Bradshaw penned her column Sex and the City on an old Powerbook G3 laptop, the repair of which was the subject of entire episode written to get her to trust her then beau Aidan Shaw.

Anyway, every day I have to remind my 80 year old parents how to do certain apple + keyboard functions on email when they're forwarding jokes on their iMac. I think Steve Jobs would be proud of that. Octogenarians using an iMac ... mission accomplished.

God bless Steve Jobs. Thank you.

Six Year Old Blog on Display at Museum of Natural History!

2011-10-05T14:06:00.004-04:00

Six years ago, on October 8, I published my first post, Wax and Pap, which I still think is a good idea. Why not have a drive-through service where you can get a wax and pap, shoot two birds with one stone -- know what I mean? Look, you have all these fancy car wash places on Biscayne now. Talk about adding value to service: wax, pap, car wash and a glass of Chardonnay.

We've come a long way, baby, none the worse for wear.

The Sexiest Twilight

2011-10-04T21:00:00.008-04:00

Move over vampires, I got your breathtaking sunset for you here at Matheson Hammock Park near South Miami. It's that time of the year again, when cooler breezes caress Biscayne Bay and blood-thirsty mosquitoes are just a memory of summer. The liminal hour offers a spectacular show, making for one of the city's most secluded and romantic strolls. You can have your drama -- mother nature provides just what we need -- only the herons stirring as they fish for their evening meals.

Fresh Eats in South Miami

2011-10-01T16:13:00.020-04:00

Inspired by my buddy and neighbor Mike La Monica's post last week on the South Miami Farmer's Market, I finally made a bee line to city hall parking lot, skipping Winn Dixie for a change. I can't believe I've been missing out on this for so long!

The market is small, but I left with a decent variety of veggies and fruit. I would have brought more, but since I'm cooking for one, I'd rather buy just enough at a time so food won't spoil.

A little feast for the single gal's kitchen: cilantro, guava, baby eggplants, mamey, tomato, cucumber, avocado and sugar-free jam.

Freakin' Flamingo posing with her goods.

The best part of my morning was bumping into my Twitter friend Renée Joslyn (@rjflamingo), a very funny gal with whom I've had the pleasure of clinking a glass or two. She is the entrepreneur behind Freakin' Flamingo, where she makes delicious micro-batch jams. She's also a South Miami neighbor. Talk about supporting local business!

I brought the last sugar-free jam today; they're popular and she runs out of those quickly. Sweetened with xylitol, the Starfruit Vanilla is absolutely delicious, especially if you are a fan of that fragrant orchid seed pod. I enjoyed some of the jam over Whole Foods unsweetened peanut butter and Ezequiel toast for breakfast.

Easy peasy quinoa salad. I haven't cooked any rice since I discovered this versatile, high-protein grain.

Lunch was just as good with the produce I had purchased earlier in the day, and the perfect, spontaneous meal for one. Chopped tomatoes, cucumber and cilantro, plus an onion I already had in the fridge, mixed with extra virgin olive oil, white balsamic vinegar and salt -- all added to some cooked and cooled quinoa. So ridiculously easy and tasty! I made two servings, so it will be even better tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to sautéeing the baby eggplants in garlic and making milkshakes with the guava. I'll spoon the mamey pulp straight off the skin, sprinkling it with a little nutmeg.

I spent about $20 on the whole shopping spree. The jam was the most expensive item at $9, but well worth the price. The guava and avocado were grown locally. I'll definitely be going back to South Miami Farmer's Market.

Single ladies, don't tell me it's boring and pointless to cook for one! It's one of the best things you can do for yourself. Look at it this way -- at least you please yourself and don't have to worry about feeding other mouths!

Please stop over at Mike La Monica's blog to see a great video about the people and musicians at the market: Saturday in my little town.

Wild Sex on a Tropical Island

2011-09-29T13:29:00.011-04:00

Palm Beach, Madagascar. Credit: Animal Planet/BBC

No, this isn't a private beach at a luxury resort in the tropics, it's a beach in the evolutionary marvel of Madagascar, an island off the coast of Africa. Strange creatures that don't live anywhere else in the world call this beautiful island home, where extremes are the norm. Dry seasons, tropical monsoons, rugged terrains, lush forests and the challenges of survival make for some weird mating habits -- all far more interesting than human sex, for sure!

Pygmy chameleons. Credit: Animal Planet/BBC

Talk about having a hard time finding a date. Not even eHarmony would work for the determined male pygmy chameleon, who searches for his tiny counterpart on the thick, leaf-covered forest floor. She is barely two inches long and he is even smaller. Once he finds her, he climbs onto her back and latches on tight, staying there for days before mating. God forbid he should lose her ... or maybe he just wants a free ride.

Yellow frogs mating at Kirindy. Credit: Animal Planet/BBC

This variety of frog is brown year-round except for the short-lived rainy season when they go into a spawning frenzy. The males turn yellow, although no one knows why. Maybe they want to avoid copulating with the same sex. When the waters rise, the frogs hump each other, all pairs side by side, putting any swingers club to shame. Once they lay their eggs, it's back to drab brown for the guys.

But most fascinating is the sexual behavior of the polyandrous Vasa parrot. That's just a fancy word that means the female is a little slutty and sleeps around. But she does this to ensure the survival of her brood, fooling each mate into thinking he's the baby daddy. Perched high atop a tree, she calls out her "come hither" cry and more than one guy shows up to feed her. A girl has to do what she has to do, right? She gets more food for her babies with minimal effort. Pretty damn clever.

The 2-hour Animal Planet special, Madagascar, premiered in March but has been airing on my local cable recently. Stunning visuals and beautiful narration make this a must-see. Catch it if you can. It airs again on October 1st.

Visit Animal Planet to learn more about conservation efforts in Madagascar.

Related: Sex and the Animals at Miami Metrozoo

Silicone Bitch: Woman Bitching on Twitter Gets Ass Kicked Out of Restaurant

2011-09-28T13:00:00.010-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

An ethical question plus a tech event update for you in this edition.

HAS THIS GONE TOO FAR?

This happened earlier this summer, but it has been on my mind since @nataschaos told me about the story.

A woman hanging out at a Texas restaurant got kicked out after she insulted the bartender on Twitter. The manager then called the restaurant, asked to speak with her on the phone and requested that she leave.

The basics of the story: Matsu, an avid tweeter who won a Houston Press Web award for "best late night twitterer," was out enjoying a beer or two (an Allagash to be exact) at Down House with a friend when she overheard a bartender mention Bobby Heugel, a prominent Houston bartender and restaurateur. Matsu told Eater, "I tweeted that I heard the bartender behind the bar at Downhouse quoting Heugel. I said he was a twerp and used #jerkoff."

-- read the full dirt at Eater Houston

I don't know this tweeter and I believe that if you have a popular following, you should have enough delicacy to avoid burning bridges with local businesses you patronize. As a popular broadcaster, you do have a responsibility to the community, especially if you're always out in the world.

I would have thought twice about insulting a bartender in a public forum, even if I had a personal beef with something he said. And the bartender, as well, could have been careful about what he was saying in public within earshot of customers. Nothing is private these days.

But this case raises some questions about customer relations. There is a social media lesson to be learned here.

Can a business really control what its customers say on Twitter any more than on online forums and social networks? Thousands of people can give you bad reviews, whether they be real-time on Twitter or posted after the fact on Yelp, Facebook, blogs -- the list is endless.

Are you going to ban them all from your restaurant?

What's the difference if someone opinionated is blabbing on Twitter?

There could have been a more elegant solution to this to avoid such a PR disaster. It's called a carefully crafted response to the complaining customer.

As well, maybe the customer was right to complain. What if the bartender was truly at fault here? Why not look into the complaint before kicking someone out of the premises? As a business owner, you should be able to turn this negative into a positive by responding to the complaint in diplomatic way and by investigating why the customer was dissatisfied.

The bottom line is this: restaurants shouldn't have their customers walking on eggshells if they choose to broadcast during their meals.

What do you think? Was this an appropriate response?

TECH EVENT UPDATE

Mobile Monday is relaunching this Monday, October 3 to discuss mobile payments and commerce. The group meets at 7 PM at the Irish Playwright in Gulfstream Park.

Spice Up the Holidays with Ron Jeremy Rum

2011-09-25T11:17:00.014-04:00

I'm usually pretty unapologetic on this blog and when asked if I wanted to meet Ron Jeremy at a media tasting for his new spiced rum, I hesitated a little, since Sex and the Beach is not pornographic -- hell, I don't even like porn and American Apparel ads piss me off -- but I do, however, write about spirits.

And from a marketing perspective, it's interesting to see one of the most famous adult film stars in the world diversify his career.

So there we were, a group of local writers plus Robert Burr, founder of the fantastic Rum Renaissance Festival in Miami, sampling rum last Friday at the Irish Times in South Miami -- a great little family-owned bar on Sunset Drive. Mr. Jeremy, whom, ironically, is not a big drinker, was with us, as well as the founders of One Eyed Spirits, owners of the brand.

The story behind this rum is interesting. The founders -- two guys from Finland who specialize in advertising -- were in Amsterdam one day when one of them drew the idea of "Ron de Somebody" on the back of a bar receipt. Ron is the Spanish word for rum and they needed a famous Ron. Ron Howard and Ron Reagan didn't make the cut, so guess who won out?

After investigating distillers in the rum community, they came upon the legendary Don Pancho, a septuagenerian Cuban expat living in Panama and one of the best rum makers and blenders in the world -- he hails from the old school Cuban beverage industry.

The straight Ron Jeremy rum is aged 7 years and the spiced is blended with a 3 year-old rum. The latter version comes from an old Caribbean recipe that Don Pancho and his business partner, fellow master blender Carlos Esquivel, purchased from a rum family in the islands.

So there you go. Two guys from Finland come up with this idea in Amsterdam, an American adult film star gets involved, and you're sipping rum made in Panama from an old Caribbean recipe, probably aged in sherry barrels from Spain.

See? There really is no sex involved. But sugar and spice, yes. Plenty of it.

The rum is extremely smooth, with very woodsy and smoky notes, brimming with vanilla, nutmeg and cinnamon. It definitely transported me to some pirate ship in the Caribbean with balmy breezes pushing us out to sea from Grenada or the Grenadines. When a rum can make you fantasize about pirates and islands, you know it's good.

Try it neat over the rocks, but think of this as the kind of rum you'd also mix into your holiday hot toddies and egg nog. It's definitely a good candidate if you want to spike up your Starbucks Pumpkin Latte on cold, blistery days.

Yes, I went there. He signed his name backward so I could see it in the mirror. But that's as far as we got, trust me!

All kidding aside, I've interviewed hundreds of people in my life and Ron Jeremy was one of the most interesting characters I've ever put in front of a camera. This Jew from Queens whipped out a harmonica and played Amazing Grace for me since I was raised Catholic.

I also asked some questions from twitter friends @miamisnap, @elliem72 and @beahbunnie. Why did you get the name The Hedgehog? What's the proper piña colada to rum ratio? What's your favorite drink to get you in the mood?

For the answers, check out the video below.

Ron de Jeremy is available online and locally at Crown Liquors in Broward as well as The Little Liquor Store in Pompano Beach. Remember to always imbibe responsibly.

Flights to Cuba Are a Joke

2011-09-22T13:36:00.015-04:00

This is a drawing I did in honor of Elian Gonzalez's mother, who drowned in the Florida straits while fleeing Cuba in an innertube.

A fellow broadcaster in my Latina blogger's group alerted us today about new flights scheduled to Havana from Atlanta. There are now routes even to Camaguey, my mother's birthplace.

But not just anyone can just walk up to a ticket counter at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport and book a flight: Only people whose travel falls under certain categories can be authorized to travel to Cuba, Marazul says on its website.

Read more here.

I realize that people travel to Cuba for some serious personal, humanitarian or educational reasons and I respect their choices. But I also think it's important to spell out why some Cuban-Americans don't go to the island.

Flights to Cuba? Really? My big fat Cuban ass!

The bottom line is this, nothing has changed. I'm still stuck in the rut I've been in all 44 years of my life, being Cuban-American, not being able to visit the island where my parents were born, while everyone else gets to go for "purposeful travel."

Hmm ...

I normally don't get into politics, but this rubs me the wrong way. Here are just a few reasons why I refuse to go to Cuba.

My parents suffered all kinds of hell to get out of that communist snake pit. And they were lucky; others fared worse, dealing with executions and death. Hearing stories about your grandma having to smuggle black market eggs under her skirt because some 12 year old was standing in the corner of the block with a machine gun doing "neighborhood watch" puts a damper on any allure of a tourist brochure, doesn't it?

I can't go out of pure, deep respect for my parents and all who fled the regime. I may not stand for anything, but this I will stick to. When they die and communism is out the door, well, then, that will be a different story. Sure, intellectually, the idea of going there is very appealing, but hell, there are plenty of beautiful beaches in the Caribbean for me to explore.

You can have your Cuba in the meantime.

So until things change, really change, these flights to Cuba are just a fucking joke.

I once published an essay on what it feels like to be a second-generation Cuban-American and I compared it to the ghost pain of an amputation.

It's something so close, yet so far, but you can feel it even if it's not part of you any longer, or never was.

So I don't get to see the house my mother was raised in. I don't have the freedom to traverse those mere 90 miles to research my dad's side of the family's history with Harley Davidson. Damn it, I'd even want to handline a big fish in Cuba's water, Hemingway style.

But most importantly, I don't get to put flowers on my grandparents' graves -- grandparents I never met because of the separation of exile. That is seriously on my bucket list. It gets me teary-eyed and I don't cry about just anything. It hurts that I can't honor their memories because of embargo and politics.

My inability to travel to Cuba freely is still a form of being subjugated to dictatorship.

Nothing, nothing has changed.

Yes, it totally is an amputation. A spiritual amputation -- where I don't get to visit the homeland because of some political bullshit. I don't care what people say, the U.S. and Cuba are bedfellows in this. Things are the way they are because someone very powerful doesn't want it to change. We can go to the fucking moon, take down Muslim terrorists and we can't fix this stupid Cuba issue?

So I am only left with stories that flood my brain and drown my heart in nostalgia for something that is part of me that I am not allowed to experience, taste, feel or see in person.

Cuba, tourists from Europe come to your shores, sleep with your saucy jinetera whores, spend Euros there, and then these same guys tell me, to my face -- as one Basque guy did in Spain -- that I should never say I am Cuban because Europeans equate that with cheap, easy tourist sex.

Really? This is not the country my parents came from.

I'm sorry I'm getting all José Martí on your ass, but you can take those flights and shove it.

I'll see you in Cuba when I don't require special permission to go there. I can't trust any country that wants more than a passport.

In the meantime, your tourist dollars could do some pretty good damage in other beautiful islands like Saint Lucia, Grenada, Aruba ...

Save the Schweddy Balls!

2011-09-21T14:51:00.011-04:00

The original Saturday Night Live skit with Alex Baldwin as Mr. Schweddy, founder of a holiday bakery called Seasons Eatings.

I haven't written a lot about sex lately. I cover "stuff that's more interesting than sex" (see my header) and to tell you the truth, this post isn't even about sex. It's about people who have balls and people who don't.

Earlier today, I read a curious piece at Huffington Post about One Million Moms, a group of uptight ladies who are requesting that Americans boycott Ben and Jerry's latest limited edition ice cream.

The humorless, fun-averse conservative group One Million Moms, an offshoot of the American Family Association, is -- once again -- none too pleased with frozen treat liberals. . . .

Yes, boycott an ice cream, people. You heard that right. Like we don't have enough problems in this world.

Sorry moms, I am really grateful that you pushed a human the size of a watermelon out of your vagina and you are probably well-meaning, good moms, but this is simply ridiculous. Why not harness your energy for things that truly matter, like homelessness, famine and domestic violence? It is not and should not be your job to censor and edit the American population.

What is wrong with this country? You let your children play vicious and violent video games and yet you get all your Kmart giant panties in a twist over a completely innocuous and gut-busting funny sexual reference? Good lord! I am sure God is rolling his eyes in heaven in frustration. Why are you wasting your energy over something so harmless?

Guess what? You just did Ben and Jerry's a huge favor, because I am officially launching a Sex and the Beach "Save the Schweddy Balls" campaign. The puritans landed here in the 17th century. It's 2012. We have bigger fish to fry in this great nation. Get over it!

Dear readers, it is your democratic right to not only NOT boycott Schweddy Balls, but also eat it and relish in our freedom of speech to be able to call an ice cream something so memorable. In fact, if you don't eat this ice cream, nay -- if you don't absolutely demand it at your local store -- you are being un-American.

Support your right to be a sensual creature by indulging in this sweet and savory treat, made of fudge-covered rum and malt balls. Let's get crankin' so that Schweddy Balls be available forever!

Also, please eat in moderation. I'm not asking you to gorge and become a fat ass over ice cream. Oh dear, like I need another inch on my luscious Cuban ass and I certainly don't want you to be a photo candidate for People of Walmart either. This is an important symbolic gesture.

By the way, I am not working for Ben and Jerry's. Shit, I don't even like sweets. But this is something I'm willing to support. Oh and I'm trying to find out where the delicious dessert is available in our fair nation's dicktip. I'll update you all as soon as I find out.

Hey, at least the marketing people at Ben and Jerry's didn't call it Crunchy Cojones, but cojones is something you need to have, regardless of gender.

So what say you? Do you have the balls? Be ballsy in life! That's the only way to live and to make a difference in the world.

In fact, even those humble pilgrims had balls to cross an ocean and become pioneers who homesteaded a new nation.

Balls are synonymous with the United States of America.

Long live the balls.

Save the balls!

A Disappointed Miami Spice Customer

2011-09-20T10:36:00.015-04:00

Foraging for fritos in a garbage can instead of shellfish in the mangrove beds. Caught in the act at Matheson Hammock Park.

"What happened to the $35 mangrove oyster special?" asked the wily raccoon. "Scavenging aint what it used to be since the humans arrived."

Talk about eating local and authentic, there's a forward-thinking South Florida conference coming up highlighting on doing the best we can to make the greater Everglades a viable agricultural food economy. Learn more at this home-grown organization and summit at Earth Learning.

Listen to a podcast by Leticia del Mello Bueno from Gastronomisti and Mario Yanez, founder of Earth Learning over at my radio show, co-hosted with Tonya Scholz. Locals at Social Chats -- Earth Learning Podcast.

Pirates: Interview with Pirate DJ Bilgemunky

2011-09-19T11:57:00.008-04:00

Ahoy, maties! I haven't written about pirates in a while, but I'm gearing up for Pirades in Paradise in Key West later this year, which will add to my Trail of the Pirates Florida documentary travel series.

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so in honor of all pirates far and wide, I'm treating you to an exclusive interview with Bilgemunky, a pirate DJ who runs an arrr-tastic radio show and website full of pirate-y goodness.

I spoke with Bilgemunky while he was on vacation here in Miami. And yes, I walked unabashedly through the lobby of the Delano Hotel wearing my buccaneer's hat.

Bilgemunky writes about pirate stuff more so from a pop culture perspective than a historical one and his site offers great information. Learn more by watching the video.

Silicone Bitch: From the Blogger's Workshop

2011-09-18T11:50:00.009-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

Oh dear! My most important blogging tip? Keep good posture and support your lower back with a pillow! Photo via kchichster's flickr.

Yesterday, I led a workshop and brainstorming session for some wonderful people who are either already blogging or are interested in blogging. We had quite a creative South Florida group: an artist, a PR professional, a neuroscientist and yoga teacher, a financial trader and social media pro, and finally, a professional horse groomer.

My friend Ivan Mladenovic, owner of Preemo -- computer repairs and website development company -- generously hosted the space. Whereas I tend to focus on editorial, Ivan balanced the conversation out by chiming in with some very intelligent points about Wordpress and the more technical aspects of blogging.

Here are just a few things we shared in the jam-packed 2-hour session:

What is a successful blog?
That depends on your definition of "success." If making money is part of that, then yes, a monetized blog that actually makes money would be considered successful. However, blogging can open many doors and help you create community to connect with others. It can enrich your life when you use the blog as a means to an end, to self-publish and explore a topic you're passionate about.

How often should I blog?
This depends on the type of blog. If you are a magazine type blog with a huge readership, you're probably looking at least 3 posts a day minimum because you have a business engine obligated to push advertising. For the average blogger, this is not the case. You can also determine your pace and shape the expectations of your readership. One really good post once a week is better than several crappy, less crafted write-ups put out with more frequency. Quality and quantity need to remain in balance.

What are local Florida resources?
Try WordCamp, Wordpress meetups, WP Beginner and check out Refresh South Florida for Wordpress workshops and other geeky goodness.

Although I was the teacher in this scenario, in reality we were all teaching each other and as usual, I left the session incredibly grateful for the insight my "students" provided.

A "blog" is just an empty vessel, as I always say -- and it's a technical thing anyone can master. What you put in it is the key. Great and regular content is king here. You have to start thinking like a journalist, an editor and a publisher. It's a thing of beauty you can create, so long as you are persistent, consistent and authentic in your endeavor.

I plan on doing more of these workshops in the future. They are by donation and a great time to meet like-minded people who are interested in self-publishing.

Mussels and Martinis

2011-09-16T12:56:00.023-04:00

Do you remember how I raved about the saucy and sensual garlic shrimp in Oahu's Kahuka region?

While I would gladly fly 5,000 miles to repeat that delightful culinary experience, I have found a similar lusty substitute close to home.

I normally avoid I-95 like the plague, but I would happily drive 40 miles to Fort Lauderdale for some of Timpano's mussels and martinis.

My mouth waters like Pavlov's dog on the northbound journey.

The black mussels arrive on a sizzling cast iron skillet coated in sea salt after being roasted in extra virgin olive oil. As if that wasn't enough, a bit of drawn butter for dipping adds a touch of lusciousness. Crusty bread sits waiting to sop up the juices and you'd swear -- once the skillet cools down and nobody's looking -- that you'd lick it after the bread runs out.

The tender mussels are waiting to be ravished, sitting inside pearly shells, heady with the briny fragrance of the sea. This dish transports me to some wild, rugged seashore.

The martinis are perfection too, generously poured and shaken to a very cool, crisp temperature.

This simple but seductive repast can be enjoyed at table or in the Sinatra bar, which features a lounge area with live jazz. Timpano's is a sophisticated joint, but it's warm and casual enough that you can forego your seafood fork and slurp in all that mussel goodness by hand. After all, no meal is truly sensual without it being a little sloppy.

There are so many textures to this dish -- the hardness of the shells, the softness of the meat, the silkiness of the butter, the coarseness of the salt -- all of this makes it so fun to eat. Go here on a date and if the two of you aren't horny by the end of this dish, you'd better be calling your doctor for some help.

Oh, and the rest of their food is pretty damn good, too. But for me, even just the mussels and martinis are worth the schlep.

Timpano's Chophouse is located on Las Olas Boulevard and offers a great happy hour, Monday - Friday 4 to 7 PM, featuring $5 bar menu and 1/2 off select liquors, wines and bottled beers.

TedX Miami Showcases the Best of the Magic City

2011-09-14T12:42:00.024-04:00

You want this lanyard, trust me.

TedX Miami outdid itself from last year’s already extraordinary first attempt. Held at the New World Symphony’s new campus, the event brought together nine outstanding speakers from all walks of life who are based in or vested in Miami.

The theme was Between the Lines, which is often where so many dynamic ideas begin.

Every speaker hit a raw chord -- literally, as in the case of the musical presentations – but also figuratively, giving us opportunities to think hard about the potential we all have to come up with positive, life-changing ideas. Every talk moved, inspired and provoked. Sometimes, the audience laughed and I'm fairly certain that in a few cases, there probably wasn't a dry eye in the full house, either.

This is one of the sentences I jotted down last night in my notebook: “The only way I can describe this TedX event is ‘breathtaking’ and it leaves me without words.”

So, I’m just going to give you a brief recap of each talk. But honestly? That can't even begin to do justice to all the profound thoughts that were shared. When you’re done reading, you’ll see why this was so kick-ass awesome and why there's so much more to Miami than meets the eye.

Attendees waiting for doors to open at the Frank Gehry building, the best thing to happen to Miami Beach since Columbus discovered America.

• Bestselling novelist Brad Meltzer begged the question of writing one’s own obituary. You don’t get to write your own obituary, but you do get to have a lasting impact. Your legacy isn’t just about children but about the people you influence in your life. Meltzer brought up the example of Jumbo’s restaurant in Liberty City. Founded in 1955, the restaurant hired black employees during segregation.

• Mathematics, computer and engineering super geek Scott Rickard asked if it was mathematically possible to write music without repetition and patterns. (Repetition is "key" to enjoyment. Think about it: you enjoy music because you know what's coming next.) A short piano piece called the Perfect Ping was performed and though it had no repetition, I dare say I think it’s impossible for the human ear not to seek it out. We are so wired that way.

• The absolutely lovely former fashion designer and now jewelry maker Barbara Devries spoke of Plastic is Forever. One day, she started picking up pieces of plastic debris on Eleuthera’s beaches -- random objects washed out by the hot sun and salty sea. Out of this hobby came not only beautiful jewelry, but also an entrepreneurial program for children in the Bahamas. Ironically, the kids actually sell jewelry to cruise ship guests – the cruise industry being one of the greatest polluters of Caribbean waters. De Vries wants her idea to be copied as there is enough plastic jetsam out there in the world for many more mini-entrepreneurial empires. Something to ponder: how many times a day do you come in contact with plastic?

• Dennis Scholl, Vice President of Arts at the Knight Foundation, spoke of Random Acts of Culture. This is a hell of a fun program. Imagine sitting at a food court in a mall minding your own business when suddenly Joe Schmoe sitting next you gets up and starts belting out opera. Actually, something similar happened last night in the audience as well, catching us by surprise with a rousing performance of Toreador from Bizet's Carmen, full female chorus included.

• My friend and brilliant artist Hugh Macleod exhibited some of his work in the hallway upstairs. The drawings were from the main TED Global conference at Edinburg earlier this year, part of a Dewar's scotch whisky series. (Very smart of Dewar's to sponsor TedxMia by the way. Scotch is sexy and smart.)

• TedX is a forward thinking event and the venue was perfect; the philosophy at New World is aligned. Talk about an idea worth spreading -- it's all about technology and universal access to music and music education. Bill Williams, Dean of Musicians at the New World Symphony, spoke on the subject. I’m just going to quote him: “We are sitting at the intersection of music, architectural beauty, technology and design, connecting musicians from around the world.”

(A personal note here: I used to write art and technology grants for the symphony and I saw this idea grow from seed to its current manifestation. I can’t even begin to tell you how thrilled I was to be in this hall.)

• I fell in love Felecia Hatcher from Feverish Ice Cream. She and her husband make gourmet popsicles from local fruit but it’s her kid’s entrepreneurial program (not unlike the one mentioned above) that really stood out. They have taught 20 kids in South Florida how to create and manage a popsicle truck business –- everything from picking strawberries to marketing in their own communities. That’s something very tasty -- ice cream with a cause.

• Colin Foord of Coral Morphologic discussed two hybrid corals growing, nay, thriving, at the mouth of Government Cut – two true South Beach beauties. An imminent dredging program is threatening the organisms. This is serious science stuff, folks. The corals are exceedingly rare, proving that adaptation is possible is an urban waterway and further study could help revive dead coral colonies in different bodies of water. Find a great article on the subject at Beached Miami.

• Did I say I was in love already? I was absolutely smitten with Shelly Baer, a luminous beauty who grew up with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. Her condition is visible in her hands and in her limping walk, but honestly, if you see her real beauty, you can’t tell. My heart sank when she said: “I never looked into a full-length mirror until I was in my early 30s.” Baer was part of a show called Raw Beauty that exhibited in Miami a while back and featured women with disabilities. It was all about breaking stereotypes. “Beauty is in the flaws,” Baer told us with refreshing candor. In a city where plastic surgery is a lifestyle for some, hearing those words was like a breath of fresh air.

• Last but not least, Barrington Irving regaled us on how he broke a world record by flying around the world in an airplane he put together -- not just with mechanical parts -- but with some seriously gutsy grit. He's the youngest person and first black pilot ever to accomplish the amazing feat. Barrington then founded Experience Aviation in Miami, which brings math and science education to kids through a flying simulation classroom, among other programs.

WHAT IS TED?

Well, it's exactly what you just read. An evening of great ideas and inspiration and the best fifty bucks you'll ever spend in this town. But fyi: TED is a non-profit organization devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It all started in California 25 years ago. There are global conferences but the “x” offshoots are local, self-organized events designed to get people thinking about great ideas and how they impact community. TedXMia is a high-caliber grassroots effort, requiring devotion and hard work from many curators and volunteers.

Want more? TedXYouthCushman takes place on November 20 with kids sharing their own great ideas. The next TEDxMIA event is December 16 at Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden. Tickets go on sale next week. I suggest you nab one right away; Between the Lines event sold out a month ahead of time. Videos from last night's event will be available to view on YouTube in the coming weeks. Find details about it all at the TedxMiami website.

9/11 Remembered from Abroad

2011-09-11T12:27:00.017-04:00

On the morning of 9/11, I was in the centuries-old Spanish city of Segovia. A friend and I had just visited the castle, where my imagination roamed wild, thinking about Queen Isabel and King Ferdinand giving Columbus his orders to explore the alternative spice route to the west that would lead to the “discovery” of a wholly different continent.

It was here, I mused, that America was born.

We then walked around this hilltop city, still stuck in its medieval form, walled in with cobbled stoned streets and broadcasting its even older Roman heritage by the aqueduct that stands strong.

So well preserved is history here that all thoughts of modernity escaped my mind. 9/11 would be a rude awakening from this mental vacation.

At 2:30 PM, we were having lunch at a hole-in-the-wall next to the cathedral. Amid the wine and food, one thing kept us with one foot in the 21st century – a very anachronistic and annoying television. I figured the tube was hanging on the corner of the bar because Spanish people are soccer freaks and watching matches is compulsory citizenship.

But a soccer game wasn't on TV. It was 8:30 AM in the U.S. and like most people, I could not believe what I was seeing. None of the towers had fallen yet. But I would see it all, thousands of miles away from home.

Shaky, clammy, heart racing, floor under me crumbling and sinking: a full-blown and real panic attack ensued. I was completely disoriented and all I could think of was that I needed to call home.

This was before I would ever consider carrying a cellphone abroad. And thanks to the delicious Spanish tradition, every single store in town was closed until 4 PM for the obligatory extended lunch and siesta.

It was an excruciating wait and somehow I managed to polish off my lunch mechanically, but I could have been putting steel bolts in my mouth, honestly, I wouldn't have known the difference. The wine helped but didn’t properly soothe. Every nerve in my body was raw yet I felt disconnected from my surroundings.

We eventually found a pharmacy that sold calling cards. My friend had to buy it for me because I couldn’t make sense of what the clerk was saying. Coins were dropping from my hands. I handed the money to my friend and she took care of the transaction.

I also struggled to remember phone numbers and my friend had to dial for me.

Not surprisingly, phone lines were jammed.

I smashed the receiver onto the hook and just walked away. I simply gave up. There was nothing I could do and I let the feeling of helplessness guide me, trusting my family was ok.

We wandered aimlessly around the streets in a surreal haze. I remember thinking about all the bloody history of this city and how its Roman aqueduct still stood strong.

“America is a young country,” I kept telling myself. “We don’t have ancient monuments.” This was the only thing that could anchor me. Buildings can fall but people can rebuild and be strong.

I had to spend an extra two weeks in Madrid because I couldn’t get a flight home any sooner. My Spanish friends and acquaintances were very sympathetic but in general there was a feeling in the air that Americans deserved it and that we finally got what it means to have terrorism in your own backyard.

This only reinforced my sense of what it means to be American. As much as I loved my Spanish roots, I was not going to give up on the land where I was born.

And even though I felt my world fall apart that day, it was those old stone structures of Segovia that gave me some sense of hope.

The Best 'No' That Was Ever Said

2011-09-09T19:02:00.029-04:00

I was going to title this post as "Some More Thoughts on Celibacy" but then by some delicious serendipity my friend and lovely writer Maura Hernandez wrote this on Twitter: "Saying 'no' feels good. You should try it."

This hit me at the core, because it was exactly the phrase I was looking for in the wordsmith mill. You see, last night, after dinner with friends in Fort Lauderdale, I walked around in a club on Las Olas, looking for a few strays who had left the table for some diversion while a few of us finished our cocktails.

The place was hazy, shadows and lights in stark contrast, bouncing off the walls like the music -- scantily clad club goer bodies everywhere and I couldn't find my friends.

I'm not surprised they didn't stay.

There were an unusual amount of women who looked like Russian whores and lots of young Guido types. The bouncer, who was a Caucasian refrigerator about ten feet tall, wasn't carding people. But his mountainous stature was all for naught -- I suspect the biggest threat to the place was a Boca bitch wearing steel sharp stilettos, lording it over with her cheap hundred dollar hair extensions. The spot wasn't particularly appealing to me. It reeked of fake. It portended sex for money, not love.

And then it happened. The ex-boyfriend just swooped into my line of sight, life flashing before me in a 30 second B movie that I hate to replay.

I saw him mingling with some "kids" in the corner.

How is it possible to feel compassion and repulsion at the same time?

Honestly, nearly a year and half later, that's what I felt.

And I was a bit surprised ... I hadn't thought about him at all in months.

All this bolstered my now conscious decision to be celibate in a sex-crazed world, a world that defines relationship that way.

Because along the path of celibacy, I have also developed some of the best relationships I've ever had, some that have made my life more meaningful and given me great purpose -- something I could never achieve with the ex and much less so wearing the mask of cheap romance.

But more about the evening.

It probably wasn't a coincidence that some of my dining companions were a lovely couple that had found love under some rather challenging circumstances. One of party is going through a divorce and the other was encouraging the partner to feel compassion for the soon-to-be ex-spouse.

People come into our lives for a reason. Perhaps if my ex had not come into my life, I wouldn't have had the trial experience and I wouldn't be where I am today, feeling very complete on my own and very anchored in this drifting process of living. Because we are all drifting towards death and it is all a process, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. I know it sounds morbid, but if you don't appreciate every breath you take, warts and all, you aren't really living.

Why do I tag this blog as a "guide to chronic living"? Because we can't help it. Life is a gift.

And my friend Maura is right. Every 'no' is a great thing, because it opens opportunities not only in our own lives but to someone else and elsewhere. Every time I say 'no' someone else gets a 'yes' ... it is all a give and take in this interconnected web, an interchange and market of the same energy.

You cannot possibly feel alone when you feel connected this way.

This is why, even though it sucked to see my ex and I thanked God he didn't acknowledge or recognize me (I've lost weight and after all, it was a crowded lounge), I can still project love to him.

I still wonder, however, how I could have ever spread my legs for that man, and I know every woman can relate to that.

And regardless, we were not the right match.

When I was younger, I thought that people gave me funny looks for being single and childless. Now, I think the "funny look" might have been a glance of envy for the power and freedom I enjoy because I'm single and childless.

There is nothing wrong with love and having a family, but there is also nothing wrong with honoring a path of devotion to others that are not your biological family. That is really what celibacy is all about. Actually, being celibate is all about love. Real love, agape love -- devotion to the world -- not just one individual.

When I hear my single friends whine about men and loneliness, I wish I could reach into their hearts and show them that there's so much more to life than sex and romance. There's nothing wrong with sex and romance, but the heart needs to aspire to more eventually. We are bigger and better than that.

Sex and romance can be true detractors from our real purpose.

So far, I've told you there's nothing wrong with a bunch of contradictory things and now I'm going to mix it up and tell you that I have no clue what the right thing is for you or anyone, but I do know this: no lover will ever take away my purpose in life. He'll contribute to it. And I won't settle for less. Love is enormous and his heart better be even bigger. We will swell and sway together.

In the meantime, I'm happy to be in this path.

Those two little words 'no' and 'yes' can define us in so many ways. They help set boundaries. You can still be loving and refuse with a 'no' when it's the right thing to do. And you can take huge leaps of faith when you say 'yes' for the right reasons as well.

If my ex hadn't said 'no' to me, I would've been in a place that I would have never wanted to be. He did me a huge fucking favor. I am grateful to him for that even if it makes no sense or it rhymes with reason in a twisted way.

Think about that simple word 'no' ... it could be your most fortunate destiny.

Handlining on Biscayne Bay

2011-09-02T16:11:00.014-04:00

Matheson Hammock Park

I snapped a photo of this fisherman handlining at dusk during high tide with low wind. A thunderstorm had just passed, so the air was slightly charged, but it was quite serene, like the sensation of post-coital release. You might even call it perfect.

Here you'd probably fetch some juvenile snapper because of the shallows and proximity to the mangrove that makes this an ideal fish nursery. All would have to be released because of size limits. I do fantasize of reeling in a big snook or feisty jack when I walk around here though. You need good shore casting skills to sink a lure into the deeper channels when the tide is low and the predator fish are feeding.

I fondly remember wade fishing with Sir Fish A Lot in this gem of a Miami-Dade park. There are crocodile warning signs on the flats, but as far as I know, no one has ever been seriously threatened by that amazing reptile. In fact, I'd be thrilled if I could actually spot one. I always have my camera phone ready, just in case.

I almost reluctantly post this because I don't want to give up my secret bliss. Matheson Hammock is one of the many reasons why I moved from South Beach back to the mainland. The tropical beauty of this public park is unparalleled in Miami-Dade.

I've seen dolphin around these waters as well and some very sexy kite surfers when the wind comes up to speed. I'm eternally grateful to William Lyman Phillips, the architect who designed this park as well as adjacent Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden. His vision was to create a "wow" tropical landscape and thank heavens this part of the bay has not been populated by high rise condos. Even though it's not an island, it feels like one. Much more so than the beaches.

Silicone Bitch: Teacher Versus Shill

2011-08-28T16:56:00.014-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

I was on the phone yesterday catching up with my dear friend Stephanie Quilao, the amazing health lifestyle blogger best known for Back in Skinny Jeans. One of the things that came up in conversation was how some very high-profile social media people can be total fakes, professing the art but not practicing what they preach.

Our talk begged the question: what's the difference between being a true teacher and a showman?

The core of this question had to do with yoga teachers who get breast implants and others who seem to say one thing yet practice another. Ditto with social media personalities who are all "out there" but can't fit the bill when it comes to their personal success at relationships of all kinds, be they personal or business.

I'm not going to name names, but I have seen some pretty absurd behavior in my career involving social media. Heck, I've made mistakes too.

In my mind, it boils down to this. You can't be a true social media personality if ...

... You don't practice what you preach. If you say wear pink, you better be wearing pink yourself. And it's cool if you decide to stop wearing pink one day. Just make sure you tell your audience why.

... You aren't compassionate. Social media is just a digital expression of what the yogis have been saying for years. (I wrote about it in this post on yoga and social media.) Hey, we all have to make a living and we all have an ego, but using social media for self-aggrandizing is only the start. Once you get there, what are you doing to make this world a better place?

... You aren't brutally honest about all your misgivings. Cult of personality is not about perfection. It's about owning your imperfections and knowing which boundaries you are willing to break in order to share. You don't have to share everything, however. You aren't a reality show star, for pete's sake. Stay classy and keep some of your dirty laundry private, but let the world know that "rock star" is their attribution, not yours.

... You don't take time "off" from that persona you've created and you don't know the difference between the two. If you're always "on" how do you know who you really are? I tweet like a crazy idiot but there are stretches of time during which I am very quiet. Why? Because I'm taking time to be "me." I don't have an agenda to push anything 24/7. But when I do tweet or blog, you know damn well it's pretty authentic. That's how it should be.

... You sell snake oil and pretend like that's ok. Selling snake oil just doesn't cut it anymore. And if you must sell snake oil, at least be more of yourself in the process.

... You aren't a student. A true teacher is always a student. What's the zen saying? In the mind of the beginner there are many possibilities, but the "expert" is full of shit -- no room for expansion.

... You aren't humble. Being humble is key. Learning from your students is imperative. All a true teacher can do is share best practices and discuss skill sets -- what the student does is entirely up to his or her innovative, not just imitative, application. I don't give you the fish -- I teach you how to fish, but it's up to you to do the fishing etc;

... You don't know when to call it quits. Knowing when and how to end is a major plus. Beginnings are wonderful but endings should be just as special. When has an idea run dry? OK, good. It's time to move on with something else. Own that and don't fake your way through it with false, sugar-coated enthusiasm.

... You suggest short-term, turn-key, solutions for life-long issues that you know are never really going to go away. Nobody becomes an expert over night. A true teacher focuses on the present, to be sure, but doesn't run away from the bigger picture. Problems will always be there, but the key is sharing best practices.

... You believe exclusively in numbers. There are no reasons ever to try to get thousands of followers just "because." Popularity is a fake dream and the true star is the one who doesn't give a shit. (Yes, heaps of irony there, but that's zen for you.) Following is something that should be earned the hard way in an organic, evolving process. Don't sell a dream. Sell a really usable, practical reality.

A Sexy Scottish Affair, Part 2

2011-08-24T16:38:00.041-04:00

A very international experience in Miami, in which I attended a Scotch whisky tasting and a reading from a historical romance novel set in Scotland – all on the same night. Read Part 1 here.

Miami author Michelle Marcos discusses her latest historical romance novel, Secrets to Seducing a Scot, at Books and Books in Coral Gables. Scottish Highlander men are jaw-dropping tall, according to Marcos. See the video to learn more about these kilt-wearing seducers and why a Miami girl is writing a romance novel trilogy on the subject.

THE WRITER

After spending a couple of hours tasting Dalmore Scotch with Richard Paterson and discovering the sensual angles of the experience, I sauntered into Books and Books feeling a certain frisson.

Miami novelist Michelle Marcos was reading from her latest novel, Secrets to Seducing a Scot. What an appropriate end to the evening, although somewhat ironic – as clearly the Scotch had already seduced me.

I first met Marcos when I was an "agent" in the massive Ford Fiesta Movement social media campaign. At the time, Marcos was working with Habitat for Humanity as Communications Director. During our acquaintance, she gave me a tour of Habitat for Humanity’s development in an underserved Miami neighborhood near Overtown.

Marcos, a lovely, soft spoken gal was not only championing this amazing non-profit, but also writing historical romance novels on the side. Later, she would take a career leap and dedicate herself to novel writing full-time.

Marcos looks and talks like your girl next door. She’s Christian, humble and devoted. But she has this saucy side to her and is a phenomenal wordsmith. You think blogging is hard? Try cranking out novels.

I just love that a Miami girl, encouraged by a big and warm Cuban family, is successfully writing romance novels set in the Scottish Highlands. You’d think that’s a stretch – but Marcos has the smarts and wit to pull it off. She represents the Cuban-American 305 truly, giving us volumes of good sensual read better than any telenovela out there.

You wouldn’t ever think to put Hialeah and Scottish Highland in the same sentence, but there you go. Weirder things have happened in this amazing universe.

THE BOOK

Secrets to Seducing a Scot had me spellbound, even though, I’ll confess, it’s my first read in the genre.

The closest I’ve ever gotten to historical romance is the obviously prudish Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Please don’t tell me Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte was a romance, because I’m thinking that stick-in-the-mud never had an orgasm or at least, never dared to speak the unimaginable of female pleasure. However, I’m pretty sure literary genius Jean Rhys, author of Wide Sargasso Sea, probably indulged in an orgasm or two even though she never wrote about that directly.

And of course, there were the gothic novels I studied in grad school, where there was always a chaste, orphaned heroine being threatened by all kinds of ghoulish fears, most of them, of course, imagined archetypes when she was really freaking out about being pressed to give up her chastity.

Giving it up was a big deal back in the day. Well, it still is. There's your vagina (the physical organ) and then there's your vagina -- the part of your body subjected to all kinds of moral, cultural, political and religious scrutiny.

Serena Marsh, the novel's heroine, isn't about to give it up so easily. She's a stunner and has a flair for fashion, but in spite of being beautiful, she's far from perfect or pure, which makes her character quite likable. A smart, sassy and pampered writer penning a Sex and the City style column for a London newspaper in the early 19th century, Serena March is obligated to travel to Scotland with her ambassador father, who must make peace between Scottish clan leaders and the English monarchy.

Under some twisted circumstances (I won’t give up the plot) Serena Marsh finds a “protector” in Malcolm Slayter, a knock-out macho Scotsman who is an outcast, belonging to no particular clan but fiercely loyal to anyone who should place her trust in him.

This is a true tango of masculine and feminine, spelling out “I’ll dance with you, but only if you can lead me.” This is Taming of the Shrew without the shrew, though Serena Marsh is admittedly stubborn, in a good way. Both man and woman seduce each other, just like a real tango, with equal leverage of power, even though it appears, at first glance, that the woman is strictly submissive.

There’s a fantasy scene written out where Serena Marsh imagines what it would be like to explore under her would-be lover’s kilt. If you can imagine a brazen woman owning her sexual bravado, this is it. But the city girl gets seduced by the Highland knave, though not overnight. She must also prove herself worthy of love.

Marcos is particularly attracted to the Regency era, so the novel takes you through that time period and not without some of the bloody violence you might also read about in history books. The sex scenes were hot, but I loved journeying through the Highlands with characters encountering potential danger at every corner.

Secrets to Seducing a Scot is Part 1 of a trilogy and I am absolutely aching for the release of Part 2 in the Spring 2012. My guess is that I’ll read this sipping a good Scotch from the Highlands.

To follow Marcos, check out her website, Facebook and Twitter.

Here's the link in case you missed A Sexy Scottish Affair, Part 1.

A Sexy Scottish Affair, Part 1

2011-08-24T11:21:00.051-04:00

A very international experience in Miami, in which I attended a Scotch whisky tasting and a reading from a historical romance novel set in Scotland – all on the same night. Read Part 2 here.

The indefatigable Richard Paterson, master blender for Whyte and Mackay Distillers, Glasgow. We met at Fleming's in Coral Gables earlier this month.

SCOTCH IS DOWNRIGHT SEXY

As the author of Sex and the Beach, I have been to many spirit tastings and liquor events (yes, it’s a terrible job, but someone’s gotta do it), and none have impressed me as much as meeting master blender Richard Paterson from Whyte and Macay Distillers in person to sip glorious spirit from the Scottish highlands.

Blending Scotch whisky is no easy task, requiring a razor sharp, almost bionic sense of smell and a keen understanding of the land where it’s produced – a connection to every grain of barley, ever handful of earthy peat and every drop of fresh river water in Scottish terrain. It is, as I was to learn, a rather sensual profession. Another “tough job” someone has to do and God bless Paterson for that.

Scotch is definitely not a girl drink. Can you imagine Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City ordering a neat scotch instead of a Cosmo? Scotch was the kind of thing Mr. Big would drink. It’s a guy’s drink, your father’s drink, your grandpa's night cap, Mad Men ad exec closing a business deal drink, genteel men excusing themselves for cigars and post-prandials as the ladies go play cards in the parlor room drink.

Or so I thought.

Paterson presented scotch in a way that never occurred to me. We’re used to words like “body” in tastings but I’d never heard “long in the mouth” or “art of swallowing” or “multiple orgasm” anywhere outside of a tantric sex lecture.

Paterson, whose ebullient personality betrays his passion for Scotch, encouraged us to slow down much like a yoga teacher would in this style of drinking.

“Hold it in the mouth for at least 15 seconds,” he recommended. “Taste it a second time as you swallow. We’re all in a hurry. Take time to sip and savor.”

When I asked if Scotch was always enjoyed in such a sensual oral ritual, he replied without hesitation. “No, people used to knock it back like cowboys.”

There’s a legitimate, scientific reason why Scotch shouldn’t be consumed like wham-bam-thank-you-m’am.

In this case, the spirit on our tongues was from The Dalmore, an exclusive single malt produced in a distillery north of Inverness at sea level on the shores of the Firth of Cromarty. This whisky had been sitting in different casks for years, bespoke barrels that in turn, probably held sherry from Spain or bourbon from America for many years prior. A lot of time -- and a very patient, biochemical process -- passed between that grain of barley sprouting from the ground and that golden liquid slinking down my throat.

I wasn't just downing booze. I was taking in history.

Why rush through it?

The metaphors continued in a philosophy that I genuinely liked, because it was so damn sensible. There's something very organic and yummy about it. Just as in life and with people, so with Scotch -- you never want to rush into a relationship.

“I treat whisky just like I would a person,” Paterson said. “I get to know them. I say hello, listen and communicate with them.”

There are sensual receptors in our heads – the mouth, the tongue, the nose and the eyes – all in service of the spirit you’re about to swallow. “The Scotch has an inner world,” he said. “Let it open up.”

When asked if women would make better Scotch drinkers than men, Paterson answered with a decisive yes. “It’s the same as buying perfume. You don’t just accept it right away,” he replied. “You let it sit and get to know it.”

“Women are more apt to listen and pay attention,” he continued. “In fact, women will add less water to Scotch. A man is a pussy compared to a woman.”

This impeccably dressed Scottish gentleman, with such elegant aplomb, had me in stitches when he dropped the "p" word! Good Lord, he’s serious about his Scotch and doesn’t mince his words.

But most of all, it was fun. Paterson suggests you try Scotch as a flavor adventure for the palate, pairing it with chocolate, coffee and crème brûlée for that “multiple orgasm” experience, which he explains rather jovially in the two videos below.

Sorry the video was cut off ... more here.

I don’t know … I think I’d rather drink my dram of Scotch with just a wee drop or two of pure water, but that’s because even food seems like a distraction from something so fine. Anything that tastes so good and simulates a long, drawn out foreplay works well for me.

ABOUT DALMORE

Dalmore is a single malt, which means that it is only blended with other single malts from the same distillery in the Highlands producing Scotch since 1839. Dalmore has stocked some of the rarest Scotch in Scotland, making it high couture of liquor. The Dalmore Trinitas sold for approximately $150,000 including VAT at Harrods in London in 2010.

But you can buy other Dalmore bottles at Total Wine in Fort Lauderdale for far less ranging from $49 to $149 for the 12 year old, Grand Reserva and 18 year old expressions. Other outlets include major South Florida liquor stores and many cool Miami cocktail spots that get a thumbs up from Sex and the Beach: Fleming’s, The Local, Van Dyke, Tobacco Road, Transit Lounge, Soyka, Brickell Irish Pub, Segafredo South Miami, to name a few.

To learn more about Scotch history, pick up a copy of Paterson’s book, Goodness Nose, co-authored with Gavin D. Smith. Paterson is a third-generation Scotch whisky professional, so part of the book focuses on many of the tedious ups and downs of the business over the years. But the book is also a travel memoir; especially seductive are Paterson’s travels through remote Campbeltown in Kintyre and the Isle of Jura. I wanted to book a flight as soon as I closed the back cover of the book.

Next up: read A Sexy Scottish Affair, Part 2. And by the way, Jason Korman over at Gaping Void has some interesting thoughts on Scotch and the marketing industry. Read more at The Market For a Scotch to Believe in Is Infinite.

Silicone Bitch: Big Media Companies Shouldn't Do Blogging Contests

2011-08-18T13:22:00.019-04:00

I almost didn't want to waste my time writing about this, but I write about social media and blogging, and because I'm passionate about South Florida's social media and blogging community, I kinda gotta do it.

CBS Miami wants you to vote for Miami's most valuable blogger and that's all fine and well, but you have to wonder about the method behind the madness. It's like me putting a contest together for Miami's best brain surgeon. If pushed to do that -- because I'd refuse at first, not being an expert in the field -- I would consult with ... guess what? Brain surgeons and other medical professionals!

I just spent some time looking at the blogs that were nominated for voting -- a rather sanitized selection, by the way, with blogs that are "inappropriate for the community" kicked out of the PG party. Obviously that's the CBS community, not the community-at-large.

Some of the blogs are top-notch and listed on the South Florida Daily Blog blog roll, not surprisingly. Find them here.

Others are rather amateur by comparison.

Don't get me wrong and don't give my shit for saying that. I'm not trying to sound like a snob. I am a champion of encouraging anyone to blog about anything, whether they are professional writers or people who just like to post pictures of kittens. I practice what I preach and teach blogging workshops for newbies, for pete's sake.

But at the end of the day, it's another non-curated popularity contest with no regard for quality. It's a social media whoring platform.

And more importantly, it's a big media company portraying the blogosphere to its non-blogging audience in a short-sighted way.

You want to really highlight the local blogging community to your audience in a fair, well-researched way? Here are some tips:

Why not interview them once a month in a regular column, for example?
Or have one of your staff do a link roundup every week of relevant posts from local blogs? (I don't mean republish their content so you can make money off of it. I mean just link to blog posts.)
Why don't you do tweetups and engage the blogging community socially? (Sun Sentinel has a similar contest, but at least they throw a party. As far as I know, they are the only media company engaging bloggers socially. Miami Herald doesn't do blogger meetups anymore.)
Why not let people submit their blogs for review, so you can highlight them in the future and create a list of active local blogs? (Oh wait, South Florida Daily Blog already does that.)

These contests make it look like you really don't take the blogging community seriously. You use contests like this to make the public think "oh look, we're cool, we care about bloggers."

It's just like when I receive a pitch from a PR person who says they've read my blog and are selling me on some mommy blogger bullshit. Clearly, they haven't done their homework.

But it's not all bad. This is a good start and you can do more. At least you're trying.

As far as I'm concerned, every single blog listed at South Florida Daily Blog should be in ANY competition involving local blogs. This is the best, curated source for quality, active blogs and represents a tremendously creative and diverse cross section of Miami. If you are a big local media company that wants to research blogs, you should make that your daily read.

As well, any big local media company that wants to do a blog contest should really consult bloggers when they are designing these contests. And I know a good group of editors who can help with that, by the way.

Big media companies, do your homework.

Sketchy Miami is Better Than Art Basel

2011-08-14T13:46:00.038-04:00

Artists and enthusiasts around the Beached Miami table last Friday.

The Sketchy Miami party last Friday was like romper room for grown ups, with so much fun and creativity buzzing through the maze-like and enormous Bakehouse Art Complex. Sketchy Miami is a brilliant idea, undeterred by its lofty aspiration: "The goal of Sketchy Miami is simple and impossible: to create a portrait of every person in Miami."

I have to wonder what the Beached Miami guys were doing (or drinking) when they came up with this concept, but they put together a website and boom! a movement was born.

On the Sketchy Miami website, you'll find over 200 photographs (and counting) that some artists have turned into portraits. The format gives artists an opportunity to connect with potential fans and buyers, which is exactly what happened at the Sketchy Miami party, but in face-to-face encounters.

Everyone who submits a photo or a Sketchy to the website has the option of adding a bio. You don't even have to be an "artist" to submit a portrait, so it's very democratic. The website could potentially become a larger-than-life Miami yearbook of sorts, an epic who's who, or as Sketchy Miami puts it: "... a definitive and inspiring testament to Miami’s diversity, ethnic, creative, physiognomic, and otherwise."

Non-resident artists were sketching in the hallways.

But back to the party. The Sketchy Miami event was free with an optional $10 Sketchy package that included food, drinks, collectible Sketchy postcards and more goodies. Sitting for a Sketchy was free, with no obligation to buy, but if you wanted to fork over some dough for your portrait, that cost $30. And while it took place in a rather "sketchy" neighborhood, there was ample, free street parking.

More than 20 artists participated in Friday's event, about half of them in residence at the Bakehouse. But many more studio doors were open to the public and just milling about the Bakehouse complex was engaging enough -- the location boasts 3.2 acres and 70 studios in the compound.

At one point I blurted: "This is better than Art Basel."

Of course, I can't really compare it to Art Basel -- the massive mother of all art fairs -- but I have to admire what a little grassroots push does to rally Miamians who probably would never buy expensive artwork. It was art for the the people, by the people, no snobbery involved. (Yes, artists are people too.) And for that reason, it is better. This kind of event will stick in Miami like a cotton shirt on a hot and humid day, long after Art Basel is gone.

And speaking of Miamians, there were quite a few characters at the party. I'm not sure what fascinated me more, the sketches, the people behind them or the organic connection between the two.

More photos and commentary below.

Everyone was a poser here, but in a good way.

Art for a cause. Colleen Kelley, of Haus of Art and resident at the Bakehouse, was supporting a Miami homeless children project. Please take a good look at the background. A sign reads: "There are 4,500 registered homeless youth in Miami-Dade." That's unacceptable.

Ami Lawson of Earth Angel Outreach has worked with homeless youth. Here she stands before one of the painted doors from an art project that supports the cause.

I fell in love with Judith King's botanical, surreal pencil drawings. She is an artist in residence at the Bakehouse.

Spontaneity was the name of the game. No room to mess up and if you do, just go with it and draw. This wasn't "caricature artist at the fair" type of sketching.

These were the only naughty bits exposed during the evening, beautifully done in watercolor by Bakehouse resident Marcelo Daldoce. No, people weren't posing naked, though that would certainly make for a very interesting Sketchy party.

A definite Miami character, this young man was dead serious about his companion animal spirits. He identifies with giraffes and constantly wears them on his shoulders. Rather a cute stuffed animal then a chip, that's for sure.

Bakehouse resident Ileana Tolibia posed in front of her painting, Earth's Fertility.

Photography is Felix Estrada's thing. The artist, also known as Felino, just moved to Miami from New York and was taking pictures of lovers or friends kissing and hugging. See more on his Facebook album.

I was thrilled to finally meet some of the Beached Miami team in person. Pictured here, left to right: Geoff Campbell, Josh Snyder and Brett Campbell. Unfortunately, I didn't get to shake hands with Robby Campbell and Jordan Melnick, the co-creators.

They're all so cute, smart and eloquent, they should really do Miami women a favor and clone themselves.

SIDE BAR

I was also thrilled when my friend Ines from Miamism, who recently interviewed the blogging duo, did a Sketchy of me! (Not at the party, but of my photograph.) More at Miamism F2F with Sketchy Miami Creators.

Miami Beach 411 profiled Campbell and Melnick in June. More at Beached Miami Setting New Standard for Blogs in South Florida.

And speaking of art, don't forget Life is Art, a local organization dedicated to the support and promotion of the art community in south Florida. One of their recurring signature events, "River of Art," is coming up on August 31st at Mai Tardi in the Design District. Expect artist exhibits and happy hour all rolled into one.

Silicone Bitch: Interview with Rohit Bhargava

2011-08-11T12:15:00.008-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

Rohit Bhargava with a great Gaping Void cartoon on display.

Rohit Bhargava, reknown author on the subject of social media marketing, gave a great presentation at this month's Social Media Club South Florida meetup this Tuesday. Bhargava is the author of the Influential Marketing Blog and the book Personality Not Included. His new book, Likeanomics, is scheduled for launch in early 2012.

The room at Nova Southeastern University was packed with social marketing pros and people just wanting to learn (Social Media Club events are always free and open to everyone). Bhargava touched upon some of the basic ideas behind "likeanomics," which begs the question: "how can brands survive believability in an age of constant manipulation?"

"Trust is deteriorating," Bhargava said. "It's harder to convince people to believe in things these days."

"Social media isn't enough," he continued. "Often it is a distraction."

I think I would agree that any good marketing strategy employs all the tools at its disposal. As well, Bhargava reminded us of what we already know, but may often take for granted: "storytelling is the most powerful form of communication."

In a funny slide, Bhargava stated that most people would rather work with a loveable fool than a competent jerk. Think about that every time you hit the Facebook "like" button. The presentation reminded me a lot of what Guy Kawasaki is also saying in his book Enchantment. It's important to be enchanting and likeable these days ... but, how to do it?

Bhargava gave a few examples. Oprah Winfrey was honest about her history with abuse. The Hans Brinker hotel in Amsterdam readily admits it's the worst hotel in the world. The Dyson guy is just so damn straightforward about vacuum cleaners.

One of the things that stood out in Bhargava's presentation was the idea of being "Authentically Unselfish." In the video below, I asked him about that and how bloggers can apply it to their own craft.

UPCOMING EVENTS AND RANDOM LINKS

Remember that whole Jimmy'z and Sugarcane cluster f*ck on Social Media Day? Co-founder of blogging resources site Gigcoin.com, Julia Diaz Asper, interviewed @nataschaos on successful social media strategies for small businesses in a post entitled How To Get Superfans, Not Just Likes.

The Startup Forum is putting together a Social Media for Startups program on August 16. Ten bucks gets you in for some great advice from Alex De Carvahlo at the MiamiShared co-working space.

There'll be a fun tweetup at one of my favorite South Florida restaurants, Timpano's, August 25 starting at 5:30. It's on a first-come, first-serve as far as the freebies go. I'll be there with Social Chats and South Florida Food and Wine. If you've not had their mussels and martinis, you don't know what you're missing.

Tedx Miami is doing it again on September 13 at the New World Symphony Campus. Trust me, it'll be the best $50 you'll ever spend in Miami. If last year's event was any indication, this year's will be just as intellectually intoxicating.

Go up to Palm Beach on September 17 and pedal your ass off for a kid with cancer at a cycling studio. If you do decide to do it, make sure you tweet with the hashtag #pedal4kidscancer.

The first ever "Sea Tweetup" is taking place in November and organized by a group of local cool folks -- Soul of Miami, Aubrey Swanson, Sebastian Rusk, Social Esquire and I Am Jeff Cohen -- as well as one of Sex and the Beach's favorite travel writers, Rich Tucker from Cruise Source. There's supposed to be eight hours total worth of complimentary wi-fi during different times of the voyage for your twittering pleasure and cabins start at just under $300. The Norwegian Cruise Line ship departs Port of Miami for the Bahamas on the 18th. Visit the Sea Tweetup Facebook page for more information.

Why Celibacy Is Cool

2011-08-10T21:49:00.019-04:00

The subject has come up lately about why I'm not dating anybody. And when I stopped to think about it, coming to the conclusion that I'm pretty happy with my life just as it is, warts and all, I asked myself the question: "Oh yeah, you haven't been with anyone since the ex. What's up with that?"

I think it's safe to say that after a year or more of no sex, no romance, no nothing of that nature, you're pretty much celibate.

SEX AINT ON THE BRAIN

I don't go out thinking that I could potentially find a lover.

"Pick up" for me refers to hors d'oeuvres, not sexual experiences. You know, I'm pretty sure I could snap my fingers at any horny toad after a few drinks, but that's not my modus operandi. Also, I don't dress to impress, even if I might wear something that flatters the generous girls hanging from my chest. I am totally WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).

You better love me with or without makeup, with or without Manolo Blahniks and/or cheap, gas station rubber flip flops. I don't do online dating anymore and I am not on the "prowl" like some friends say when we're joking about Cougars. (Don't be offended, younger men, but as cute as you are, that's not a lifestyle choice for me.)

"Sex" is not part of my social agenda. I'm just being me all the time, completely authentic. No roles, no drama. The corny, overused and misused Zen phrase "it is what it is" pretty much guides me.

And I think it's totally cool to say I'm good with all of that.

I *could* have more, but I choose to, prefer to, not to have more of all of the bs that would come with a more complex life.

Does that make me a freak?

If I say "I don't give shit about sex" will you find that strange? Ok, fine, I'll own that.

Proudly.

OH THE IRONY

But there's more to this than meets the eye.

Rather ironic for Sex and the Beach, I know, but sex is overrated. (Not the first time I've written about that, but formerly a sweet potato was involved.) Actually it's not sex -- but rather all the drama and anxiety associated with romantic connections that is basically a huge tax on human existence -- it's all that crap I would rather do without, thank you.

Maybe it's all the yoga I've been rediscovering lately. Maybe it's becoming more mature with age and gathering wisdom. Maybe it's my hormones drying up in some pre-menopausal party. Whatever it is, I do know this: I just don't give a fuck about fucking and I'm all the better for it.

I want to make something clear. I am not running away from romance. I am not choosing celibacy to avoid the inevitable challenges that come from two people trying to make a life together. I just don't want bullshit imitation drama romance sex.

Yeah, please don't get me wrong. Sex is awesome. Sex is an amazing thing. Sex is a wonderful way to connect passionately with another human being. Sex is primal. Sex is a natural and beautiful expression of all that is human when it is done with good, honest intentions, even sex for sex's sake.

A life-altering, passionate union should be on everyone's bucket list. And hell, I'm not even talking about intercourse. Sex in all its glorious manifestations is an ingredient in life's bounty, even if it's just touching, holding or kissing. I will light a candle to the altar of true sensuality any day.

And yes, sex makes babies, if that's your thing. Nothing wrong with that.

But, I think, at least for me, it's an all or nothing experience at this point in my life.

SOMETIMES SEX IS NOT ABOUT SEX

Just look at what I wrote above. All this good stuff, right? But what about the cons?

How many people do you know or have had sex with who actually really have had sex to connect with you? How much of sex is not just some self-satisfying, masturbatory experience? How much of sex is not some self-serving marketing and pubic relations campaign? How much of sex is your ego using that as a form of manipulation to claim ownership of another person? How many people do you know who are cry babies, needing this or that, getting totally wrapped up in some drama of some kind even in relationships that are not sexual? How much of you is really involved in the sexual experience? Do you honestly let go or are just playing by some rules -- some artificial category that the other has created in order for you to be pleasing and subdominant, to maintain some status quo?

Seriously. I could go on and on with questions ...

How does his sticking his penis inside of you have to do with how you are evolving as a spiritual being in this life path? Because if that's what you're using to satisfy your relationship craving, that better be some good dick!

I think it's safe to say many women can admit to ALL of the above. It's part of being human. It's part of the lessons learned.

DOUCHE YOUR SPIRIT

There's something to be said about purity of mind and purity of soul -- yes, something to be said about cleansing the mind of all the drama the ego craves. That's really the whole point of celibacy, if you look at it from a yogic perspective. I'm not the first tantra-focused yogi to say something similar.

Develop a relationship with self first. It means you put your energy elsewhere, harnessing it for a higher purpose and all kinds of creativity. It is liberating and absolutely freeing to not have the anxiety associated with desire and craving. It is wonderful to feel universal love -- a love that is not about "me" but about something more lasting, something bigger than me.

I'm not sure how to describe this. But instead of feeling lonely, I feel like a huge balloon of love has burst inside me, and I never, ever feel alone even if I am in a reclusive writer mode or I am simply enjoying something out there in the world on my own. My heart expands. This is so much better than the ego-driven complications of sex and romance. I am loving on a whole other level that I was not capable of when I was younger.

It means that I go out, live my life, have everything I need, give up attachments to major material things, without worrying about what's missing. I am living, walking, breathing love all the time. Just because I'm not giving someone a blow job doesn't mean I'm not loving.

Love is a universal right. Those who can do so in a mutual sexual expression that is bound by respect and honor are very lucky. But it's not limited to lovers. You can be a lover and still be celibate.

I guess that's what I'm trying to say. You are not "without" love just because you aren't dating or having sex or romantically involved with someone. And that love, that feeling of connectedness is a very powerful drug you can tap into. My arm is attached to that universal IV of yummy satisfaction 24/7. Sex with the right guy would be icing on the cake. He would simply benefit from all this love.

The ancient yogis called this Bramacharya. I call it peace of mind. (See a Sex and the City clip at this New York yogi's website on the subject.) Even the principles of sexual tantra spell out that a union between two bodies will or should ultimately branch out as an expression of a greater, more humanity-oriented love.

THINK ABOUT THE PHRASE "HAVING SEX"

Is this how you are "having" sex? Is sex something you should "have" or is it a bigger part of yourself that you could never actually "have"? How can anyone "own" sex anyway? Because really, at the end of the day, that belly you are rubbing up against isn't going to be around forever and neither are you. What are making of this experience? Is it really love?

I sigh when I read what I just wrote. Some of the emptiest moments I've had in my life have been in the hot and heavy, sultry and sweaty daliances with an other. I call it existential sex that takes me out of the moment. I hate that. Clearly, those lovers didn't have a real spiritual hold on me or maybe I just wasn't mature enough to be "there" for them.

Good grief, people do so much shit to attract sex. They lose weight, they wear flattering clothes, put on makeup and just get all jacked up, but it's all like lemmings wanting to jump off the cliff. No one ever thinks to go inside and clean up all the emotional garbage, the practice of which I think should be a precursor for great sex. I don't care how hot you look or how good you can bang me in bed -- neediness, insecurity and all that bullshit is not sexy. And of course, it's certainly not sexy if I am the needy and insecure one in your embrace!

FREEDOM FROM SEX ANXIETY IS A LUXURY

Look inside before you make love. Are you really ready? Are you spreading your legs or just spreading yourself thin?

I think a lot of women can relate to that ... I'll admit I've spread myself thin before, not honoring myself at times when I was better off being celibate. And I know that's not love. It's genital exhilaration surely and more like an acrobatic exercise, a mediocre excuse for love, all physical pleasures aside.

Does this mean I will never enter a passionate union again? No. It just means I know what I want and will not settle for less. I think this is something every woman should feel. I'm lucky to feel it in my early 40s and to have this way of living, this freedom.

Does this mean I never actually connected to past lovers? No, I did. And I honor and thank the universe for giving me such experiences. Just because my ex-boyfriends didn't end up "ever after" doesn't mean I don't honor the love we shared. Marriage is great, but it does NOT define love in all its complexity!

Does this mean I never fantasize or think about someone I'm attracted to? No, of course not. That happens as well. And if have to, I'll relieve myself, but whenever and if I even want to. So no, I'm not living some monkish life devoid of pleasures.

The difference is that it all falls into place. The sex and romance thing doesn't stress me one bit. I am actually, by being celibate, approaching what it might be to actually be a great lover -- in love completely without being attached (yet) to one particular person.

YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR VAGINA

Shit, I've even had to deal with the Cuban guilt trip about how not being a mother makes me an incomplete woman. I'm sure that pushing out a human from your vagina is an incredible experience and I know that raising a child is the most selfless, compassionate thing a person can do, but I'm not broken or "less" of a woman because motherhood hasn't been part of my path so far. Well, at least, I choose not to buy into that kind of thinking that wants to put me down and judge me negatively on the basis of having a uterus that hasn't incubated a rug rat. In fact, I think that having babies doesn't necessarily make you instantly compassionate or even a good human being. (Apologies to all you great mothers out there. I'm not referring to you.)

A relative whom I adore told me earlier today that "I'm sorry things turned out bad for you." But "things" are not bad at all -- just because I haven't taken the traditional path, haven't had a marriage and kids, and am currently not actively pursuing a dating life -- all of this doesn't mean I haven't honored life and done good in my own, quirky way.

Listen, women, there is no "traditional" path out there. It's what you make of it. Make your own tradition. You have the gift of life, use it. Create your life. Write your own story. For me right now, it's a path of celibacy and one that I'm proud to honor because it works for me. For you, it could be so many things -- singlehood, rediscovered life after divorce, a rekindled flame with a hobby, a career change that makes you jump out of bed in the morning -- who knows, whatever, seize it! Celibacy could be a time to nurture yourself and your passions outside of the bed sheets. It's not dry or boring in the least. Just be aware. Be conscious of it.

I'm just sharing a good practice here.

Think about it, you single ladies and my non-lady guys, too. I encourage others to try it out, even if it just means letting go of the "intention" to find a lover. Love yourself instead and focus on the people in your life who matter, just obviously in a non-sexual way.

Fall in love with your life, with just being alive, first, before falling in love with someone else you're going to share every fiber of your being with. The best sex is the kind you really believe in. Don't settle for anything mediocre. And when you do get there, don't forget to connect, be grateful and enjoy.

Nature Girl: The Real Sharks

2011-08-09T12:51:00.004-04:00

In honor of Shark Week 2011, I thought I'd revive this old cartoon of mine and offer up a few links.

Beached Miami, my favorite blog crush, has put together two hilarious but actually educational videos in Shark Week Exposé Part 1 and Part 2.

In 2007, I wrote about how riptides and lightning are far more dangerous than sharks and alligators over at Miami Beach 411.

"The only sharks you have to worry about are the ones on the sand," said a savvy lifeguard. Ladies, my observations in four years prove that nothing much has changed.

Oh and don't forget that I recently caught a small black tip on the Gulf Coast of Florida during my quest for the elusive tarpon.

Silicone Bitch: Rick Sanchez Wants Me to Own My Cuban Ass

2011-08-03T23:18:00.025-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

Young journalists, time to break some old stereotypes!

Attending the National Association of Hispanic Journalist’s Convention last June was a real eye-opener for me. I never even considered thinking of myself as a “Latina” writer until fairly recently, when I began to connect with other women writers and bloggers of Hispanic descent and understood the impact of the LATISM (Latinos in Social Media) movement.

The truth is, I never liked the idea of being a Latina writer, blogger or Latina anything. Sí, I’m Cuban-American, sí, my roots are in Spain and sí, yo hablo Español perfectly, but I am loath to label myself, to pigeonhole myself into any category. That's simply too limiting.

I’m even uncomfortable with the word “Latin” because it was fabricated as a reaction to government census stuff. (For a great explanation of “Latin” versus “Hispanic,” listen to Dan Grech’s interview of demographer Maria Aysa over at WLRN Under the Sun.)

And sometimes in the often overly-enthusiastic, crazy world of social media, cultural labels can get out of hand and become gimmicks. (Yeah, I know I'm gonna get some shit for saying that.)

However, going to NAHJ helped me come full circle and see things from a broader perspective. No matter what I write, I really can't take my ethnic and cultural background for granted.

MY ASS IS BIG BUT THAT DOESN'T DEFINE ME

I’m white and blue-eyed and can get away with not looking Latin. Perhaps because of my appearance, being Latin has never, to the best of my knowledge, held me back personally or professionally.

Or maybe it has and I don’t even know it.

It's a whole other song and dance for Latinas who don't look like me. I can't speak for them, but I think it's safe to say we've all had different experiences because of and in spite of our backgrounds – some negative, some positive.

And this is ridiculously screwed up, because Hispanics, Latins, whatever you want to call us, come in many shapes, sizes, colors and variations of humanity. Judging a book by its cover doesn’t work here. But that’s what “they” seem to be doing – or at least according to the overwhelming consensus at this convention – despite the fact that Latins are a huge force in this country. “They” being that part of America that puts a mirror to us and says: “hey, you’re not like us.”

Whenever someone asks me how I could possibly be Cuban, I simply sigh. They’re ignorant, I tell myself.

This is especially palpable for me living in Miami, where I am perfectly comfortable, yet constantly listening to the “why can’t Miami be like the rest of America” chatter. Get over it, people. Not all of us wear fruit on our heads.

(If you want to see how Hispanic culture is coming soon to every corner of America near you, see this video by Univision: The New American Reality.)

OWN IT

When I look at the bigger picture, I find that I do have to stake a claim on my Hispanic heritage. It just feels right in my gut. Because we’re not all alike and if we don’t make that clear, if we don’t represent who we are, nobody will listen.

But regardless, as writers, we all want and need the same thing; I don’t care where you’re from or what you look like. This is about owning every aspect of yourself and not denying any side of you just because someone will think less of you if you do. It’s about having the freedom to do that and being able to express yourself. It’s about embracing your passion to share and educate through words.

THAT'S WHAT RICK SANCHEZ SAID

Rick Sanchez and other panelists (all stellar female journalists) drove the point home in a talk entitled “Latina Journalists Wanted.” Despite the phenomenal growth of the Latin population in the U.S., there is still a dearth of Latina journalists in the newsroom. There are some, but not enough.

Why aren’t more Latin women taking advantage of this to carve a niche for themselves? Today, Latinas in journalism -- and blogging, for that matter, all self-publishers and communicators -- have the opportunity to become trailblazers.

I caught Sanchez, the Cuban-born journalist who started his career in Miami before eventually moving on to CNN, at a cocktail party after the panel. Sanchez, who was fired from CNN last year for a politically incorrect rant, has never been one to mince his words. People either love him or hate him.

In this quick interview, he pretty much summarizes what was discussed in the panel.

(Incidentally, Sanchez just announced he’s back in Miami and about to begin a stint as a broadcaster for FIU’s football team. Read that story over at the Miami Herald.)

After attending NAHJ, will I still refuse to label myself as Latina? Yes and no. I will certainly not label myself as anything just to cater to brands or because it’s trendy. I have one foot in two worlds and that's my real writer’s identity.

But spending a couple of days with hundreds of other writers with ties to Hispanic culture made me realize that I am in fact carving a niche, one blog post at a time. Like it or not, I am part of that bigger picture. I am "Latina." And I am everything else, too.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Many thanks to GM Southeast for sponsoring my trip to NAHJ.

Maria's Florida Keys Favorites

2011-08-02T10:59:00.021-04:00

The Eden House boutique hotel in Key West definitely lives up to its name.

I recently hosted this year's fourth annual SxSe, a South Florida social media retreat and tweetup, in the Florida Keys. The location turned out to be perfect for the event and if you weren't able to attend, that doesn't mean you shouldn't pack your bags and enjoy some of my favorite Florida Keys spots on your own.

So here goes, just some of many reasons I love the Florida Keys.

Alabama Jack's knows what grows well in gardening zone 10. This backcountry restaurant is close by, right at the border of Miami-Dade and Monroe counties on Card Sound Road, but it's a world apart from the 305 mindset.

Something amazing happens at the Seven Mile Bridge. Miami becomes a distant memory. It's like stress gets scrubbed off your soul by a giant spiritual loofah.

Reading, Key West style, at the Eden House.

I dare you to not fall into blissful sleep in this cozy, tropical nook at the Eden House.

Conch Carpaccio, served with capers, bell peppers, Parmesan cheese and a heavenly lime vinaigrette at Café Solé, is worth the 180-mile drive. The menu boasts: "So tender and delicate it will make you cry." It will do more: raw conch is said to be an aphrodisiac.

No snivelling is allowed at the legendary Green Parrot Bar. Actually, that should be a rule at every bar in Miami, too. I like this bar so much, I brought a tank top like the one the bartender is wearing to add to my "Favorite Florida Bars" wardrobe collection. Oh and Green Parrot also has a cool blog.

No visit to Key West is complete without a dark and stormy from Bahama Bob Leonard at the Rum Bar inside the Speakeasy Inn. That's Gosling's black rum and Barritt's Ginger Beer, two great exports from Bermuda.

The Pirate Museum may have moved to St. Augustine, but even the bathroom tile is swashbuckling at The Rum Barrel on Front Street. Catch live music, grub and grog upstairs on the rooftop terrace.

Key West's best late night snack is a big fat Cheesesteak sandwich from Mr. Z's, made to order by this fine gentleman. Seven bucks gets you 12 inches of meaty goodness and yes, I mean the sandwich.

One of my favorite strolls in Key West begins at Mac's Sea Garden in the Historic Seaport. Actually, there are several bars and restaurants here, so it's more like a long, leisurely walk on a short plank.

Just in case you can't function without your shot of diesel, stop by the Cuban Coffee Queen next to Mac's Sea Garden.

Nobody gives you shit about cocktails to go and nobody acts like a dick head. That kind of thing would never fly in South Beach.

Fried Key Lime Pie at Porky's Bayside BBQ in Marathon. It's as scrumptious as it looks.

I almost don't want to share Rum Runners Holiday Isle with you. I want it all to myself and my friends. Nothing beats a cold one sipped in the crow's nests at this dreamy beach side bar.

If you do go, make sure you let the world know you were there.

Got more Florida Keys favorites? Share in my thread at the Miami Beach 411 travel forums.

Silicone Bitch: South Florida Social Media Day and the Bigger Picture

2011-07-11T08:31:00.019-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

Our neighbors in Key West also had a Social Media Day meetup and this photo was one of 10 chosen from around the world along with Miami's. Not bad for South Florida! Stacy Green, Director of Communications at Mashable, was present in the Monroe County gathering. More photos at Mashable.

Recent online discussion between Carlos Miller's post about Social Media Day at Miami Beach 411 and a lengthy comment thread at South Florida Daily Blog got me thinking about a few things that perhaps bear repeating in this column, so here we go.

If you're not familiar with the subject at hand, it boils down to this: Social Media Day is a worldwide meet-up day promoted by Mashable, a top source for news on social media and digital culture, "to celebrate the revolution of media becoming social." In Miami, Jimmy'z Wynwood Kitchen offered Social Media Day attendees freebies and discounts on food and drink while Sugarcane Raw Bar and Grill did not. Apparently, some people got pissed at the latter and Miller wrote about it, capturing some of the bitching on video.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS A BROAD NETWORK

What happened with Sugarcane barely reflects the overall social media community in South Florida and I hope that Miller's article doesn't sour people to what that community is really like. We are a group of professionals, largely from fields involving communications, who use social media in a variety of ways: for fun, career purposes, personal branding or all of the above. Some of us even get paid to help individuals or companies figure it all out.

Actually, just go to any Social Media Club South Florida meeting and you'll see more than communications specialists. You'll also see a cross section of people from various walks of life and different industries -- from doctors to lawyers and scientists to teachers, athletes and more -- all gathering to learn and share. These aren't purely social gatherings but mini-conferences during which a moderator and a carefully selected panel discuss their best practices and field questions from the audience.

We are not a bunch of whiny brats complaining about expensive drinks. We move and shake and make things happen in the community at a grassroots level. We are really good at networking. We build bridges between businesses and community. We espouse good causes and get people excited about good things that make South Florida a better place. It isn't just about the parties.

Let me also add web and soft tech groups that overlap with social media here. Refresh South Florida and New Tech Community, to name just two; we are all connected because the geeks make the tools we use for social media and the geeks "get it." Add to this SFIMA (South Florida Interactive Marketing Association) and The Startup Forum (an entrepreneurship forum focused on, but not limited to, the tech sector) and you see that the overlapping network is broad reaching. The social media community is way more than just a circle jerk of a few cronies. (Although there are circle jerks out there, believe me.)

WE DO NEED MORE SOCIAL MEDIA COVERAGE

One article about a meet-up barely scratches the surface on what is really going on. No one, to the best of my knowledge, is properly covering the social media and web tech scene both locally and nationally (national topics that would interest South Florida readers) on a consistent, exhaustive basis.

I did it for eight months at Miami New Times under Silicon Beach, posting three times a week. I resigned because I couldn't justify the amount of time it took to properly cover the beat at a meager level of compensation. (Nothing against Miami New Times, I loved working with my editor Duran and publisher Strouse, but I just couldn't afford it, and this, sadly, is true for many publications and writers out there.)

I started Silicone Bitch on this blog because I wanted to at least continue covering as much as I could without the pressure and time suck.

To thoroughly cover the scene, you need to make yourself available to attend many meetings, panels, conferences and of course social gatherings hosted by various groups. In recent years, the field has grown to the point where there is something going on almost every day. Factor in drive time in the tri-county area and you're looking at -- not kidding -- about twenty hours a week at least. Also, you need to connect with and interview many people deeply immersed in the industry on a national level, which means you are always "on" in your online and personal social networks.

And finally, you also need to remain as unbiased as humanly possible. This is one reason why I have never been a board member of Social Media Club even though I have been involved with it on some level since day one. It is important to be part of it while remaining somewhat detached. You shouldn't be too quick to judge, because you are dealing with many different layers of complexity in the social and business arena.

In my experience covering this scene, I have found it important not to burn any bridges because I am, ultimately, representing the community at large -- I'm supporting it because I appreciate what it's doing.

This doesn't mean I have to cover up a mess or paint a pretty picture. (This column isn't called Silicone Bitch just because it's a catchy title.) It simply means that I understand the intricate ties among the community, the insider stories, the rumors and what not, and that being a voice, I'm careful to not jump to any conclusions. I would encourage anyone else who is writing about social media in any community anywhere to really get their feet wet first.

This is one thing that was reiterated constantly at the recent National Association of Hispanic Journalists conference. In online media, it's important to be right, not first. It's important to build trust in your audience. (More on that in an upcoming post.)

IF YOU GET IT, SHARE IT

The original motto for Social Media Club, the mothership organization with members all over the world, is: "if you get it, share it." Most people in our social media community do get it and do share it. We're about bringing together and connecting, not creating division or antipathy.

I'm saying this because there are some naysayers out there who want to poo-poo on social media. That's ok. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But social media is only doing what humans have done since time immemorial, it's just that now we harness the power of the internet to share and stay connected. (I philosophized about this extensively in my post about yoga and social media.)

Just because you don't use Twitter or Facebook or Foursquare doesn't mean you aren't using social media. Guess what? If you are reading this, you are already using social media. If you blog, you are part of the foundation for social media. And if you don't blog but read and comment on blogs, you're still riding the wave.

Trying to avoid social media if you're part of any digital communication space is like trying to outrun a tsunami. There are ways you can use it to enhance (but not takeover) your life. A lot of good has come from social media for individuals and businesses. Maybe a list of that warrants another post.

EVENT PLANNING 101

I have already discussed tweetups extensively elsewhere on Silicone Bitch and in my former column at Miami New Times, but to repeat here: not every tweetup is a social media gathering; sometimes "tweetups" are events put on by a company to attract customers. Calling something a tweetup when it's not is a big pet peeve of mine. I won't get into it here and yes, I sometimes find myself obligated to attend those corporate events, too.

But let's take a look at social media event planning for a moment. I'd like to encourage anyone who plans an event to assume that everyone reading the invitation is a moron with ADD. Assume the least common denominator here. Even people with razor-sharp focus are busy and frazzled. Your guests need all the information they can get in an easy, digestible format.

I have been to many social media events where the details were unclear or missing. The parking thing annoys me to no end. Do not assume that people are going to know where to park or how much parking is going to cost. Put everything in writing.

A case study ...

There was some talk about Sugarcane not living up to its drink specials on Foursquare Day back in April. Here's the event invite, which was copied and pasted to various websites and retweeted ad nauseum. I'm not sure who wrote this invitation, by the way.

"The Miami area Meet Up will start at 4:16 PM at Sugarcane Raw Bar & Grill. There will be a special $4.16 drink specials and a 4SQDAY certificate of official recognition from the city of Miami Beach. Stop by to celebrate before 8 PM for some one on one time with your foursquare friends."

Not only is the phrasing grammatically incorrect "a special $4.16 drink specials" but there is nothing to indicate what the specials are. As it turns out, $4.16 was only for specific drinks. What the invitation should have read is this:

"There will be $4.16 drink specials from [insert start end end time] on [drink names] for Foursquare Day."

Or, in the event that drink specials were TBA when the invitation went out: "Ask your bartender about particular drink specials."

This may sound like a really petty thing to focus on, but communication needs to be clear between the restaurant and the event organizer as well as the event organizer and guests. And guests, you too should not assume that the restaurant and the organizer have their shit together. As a rule, any time I go to any event, I always ask the server what the specials are anyway.

(My comments here aren't meant to criticize @alexdc and @sebrusk, who tried their best to put Social Media Day together at Sugarcane in a very short time. Not having drink specials really wasn't a big deal and nowhere on the invite did it say there would be drink specials, so there were no surprises.)

THE EXCEPTION, NOT THE NORM

While Sugarcane may have not been up to speed on drink specials this Social Media Day, it has been supportive of other gatherings in the past. And I want to add here that this particular event by no means overshadows the dozens upon dozens of restaurants and venues that have collaborated with social media, web tech and other related groups. Just look at the list of events that have taken place and you'll find everything from burger joints to five-star hotels in South Florida that have gotten involved sponsoring everything from food, drinks, staff, meeting space and more.

I'm not trying to single out Sugarcane as the one venue that doesn't care. What I am trying to say is that what happened on Social Media Day is not indicative of what happens at large.

APOLOGIA

Lastly, I want to apologize to Sugarcane for putting my face on Miller's video. When I walked into Jimmy'z, the chant was going on and I got sucked into it. I really thought it was a joke at first and I regretted it almost immediately. I didn't think Miller was really going to post it; he records a lot on his Flipcam but only a small percentage of it ends up online.

I also didn't think the article would be published on Miami Beach 411, a website that I've contributed to for about six years and which I believe does a great deal to build community in a constructive, diplomatic manner.

Miller had, I believe, a more appropriate outlet for a rant. Earlier this year, he created a funny, tongue-in-cheek website called Social Media Puto in which he writes in the third person with brazen sarcasm, making fun of everything that is laughable about social media.

For the record, Miller is a good friend of mine. Even though we disagree on some issues and our individual ways of handling them, we have shared many a beer and done some great projects together. He is entitled to his way of seeing the world and just because we may sometimes be polar opposites in our sensibilities doesn't mean I don't respect the great work he has done, especially in the photography and first amendment rights field.

But since I have been writing about the local social media scene for some time now, I felt it was necessary to widen public perception and offer the blogosphere a bigger picture.

And finally: I personally have worked with Sugarcane in the past and have no issues patronizing the restaurant in the future (try their chicken and waffles and beet mojitos and you'll see why). Yes, I did experience bad bartender service on Social Media Day but that won't keep me from patronizing the restaurant.

Miami's Aviation History

2011-07-07T16:52:00.009-04:00

An article about Cubana Airlines' "Tropicana Special" flight from Miami to Havana in Cabaret Magazine, 1957.

There was a time in Miami when the party wasn't in South Beach but in Havana. You certainly didn't have to wait until you landed in Cuba to get your drink on. The party started on the flight, with live music, a floor show and the appeal of the exotic when mojito wasn't a mainstream word on the U.S. mainland.

Things would change regarding flights to Cuba, of course, but Miami would continue to grow as a main airway hub for the Americas. Today, Miami International is the country's second largest airport by volume of international passengers.

Miami played an important role in aviation history as far back as 1911 when Miamians witnessed the first ever flight over its sunny skies. Future major Everest Sewell and aviator Howard Gill flew over golf courses on a Wright Brothers winged biplane, much to the amazement of those city dwellers who had never seen an aircraft. Over the decades, Miami would be home to aviation training and host to sky-bound celebrities.

The new exhibit at History Miami museum puts it all on display for you, chock full of interesting tidbits for Miami trivia fans.

Here are just a few that caught my eye:

Burdine's flew gowns to Miami from New York on the first air mail route connecting both cities. (For you spring chickens out there, Burdine's was the original Miami department store, brought out by Macy's.)
Amelia Earhart began one of her around-the-world flights in Miami so that Pan Am's mechanics, reputed to be some of the best in the world, could inspect her plane.
The Pan-American Field had the first modern passenger terminal in the United States.
Many female instructors took over Embry-Riddle's aviation classrooms during World War II.
Charles Lindbergh flew several inaugural flights between Miami and Latin America.

The exhibit dig deep into more history including the rash of hijacking incidents in the 70's related to strained relationships between the U.S. and Cuba -- a far cry from that pre-revolutionary "nightclub in the sky." What with flight restrictions to the island easing up this year, it's still doubtful flying to Cuba will ever be a party.

Flying just isn't as pleasurable as it used to be, no matter what the destination. An exhibit panel on Mohamed Atta, the 9/11 terrorist who trained in a Florida flight school, offers a grim reminder.

Aviation in Miami: The First 100 Years is on display until July 22, 2012 and features lectures and films. The exhibit is free on Wine Down Wednesdays (first Wednesdays of most months). For more details, visit History Miami.

Silicone Bitch: Birth Mother Connects with Adopted Son on Facebook

2011-07-06T16:18:00.008-04:00

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

Photo via Caseywest on Flickr.

Today we depart from our usual South Florida focus for a true story about a birth mother, an adopted son and how Facebook facilitated their meeting. Without the social network, the process would have been held back by the very same protocol designed to protect adopted children. Names have been changed to protect identities.

MEET JANE

Jane was your typical teenager, a good student, full of hopes and dreams for the future. But her senior year would turn her life around with challenges most of us never think to face until adulthood.

She fell in love. She got pregnant. Her father had a heart attack. She became a caregiver.

At 18, the girl with hopes and dreams was a single mom high school dropout.

This was South Carolina, 1983. This was before shows like MTV’s 16 and Pregnant, before high schools started accommodating young mothers and their babies, before people spoke as openly as they do today about teenage sex and pregnancy.

Jane’s father eventually succumbed to a second heart attack and passed away. Her mother couldn’t really help and her baby’s father stepped out of the picture, marrying someone else soon after baby boy Shaun was born.

Struggling to stay afloat, unable to provide for her baby, she found herself with no other choice but to give up the child to adoption.

Jane’s ordeal turned out to be blessing for the adoptive parents; they had been trying to conceive for 13 years, so Shaun couldn’t have appeared at a better moment.

Little did they know they’d all be blessed again nearly three decades later.

THE YEARS APART

Jane would eventually move on with her life. She got her GED, graduated from the University of South Carolina and married a wonderful man who already had children.

The thought of Shaun was always in Jane’s heart though she knew little about him. “My child was an abstract thought to me,” Jane said during a phone interview. “I knew his adopted parents were great people, but that’s as close as I got.”

Jane always kept her records up to date with the adoption agency, just in case Shaun ever wanted to find her; however, there was nothing she could do to contact him. Adoption agencies enforce a strict protocol to protect children, even when they’re all grown up.

Reunions don’t always guarantee happy endings. Some adoptees have contacted their birth parents, only to be derided and ostracized in what could only be a painful emotional experience.

But even with the best of intentions, when the parent and child express a mutual desire to meet, it could still takes months, if not longer, to make that happen.

REUNITED ON FACEBOOK

Last year, Shaun turned 26 and experienced some chest pains, which prompted him to unseal his birth records and learn more about his blood family’s medical history.

He always knew he was an adopted child and his parents were very supportive. “I was very lucky. My parents told me: ‘whenever you want to meet your birth parents, we’re right behind you,’ ” Shaun explained over the phone.

Shaun contacted the adoption agency and soon thereafter exchanged some letters with Jane through proxy mailing addresses. The letters were censored; any information revealing potential contact data was blacked out, FBI style.

When it was becoming clear that they were getting along via correspondence and that were was nothing but love and support for Shaun in his desire to get to know his birth mother, Jane made a bold move: she friend requested him on Facebook, bypassing the adoption agency restrictions.

Shaun had mentioned his martial arts instructor in one of his letters. The former had three friends on Facebook with the same name as Shaun’s. Even though Jane had never laid eyes on Shaun, she instantly recognized his Facebook profile photo. He looked a lot like her, but was truly the spitting image of his birth father.

Shaun didn’t hesitate to friend her back.

Within two weeks, they met in person.

“It was very shocking,” Shaun explained, “But at the same time, I also had people who would help me get through it. Jane and I clicked from day one and we instantly jumped into a relationship. We ‘get’ each other.”

Jane’s life changed as well. The mother and son, who live only six hours apart between South Carolina and Virginia, meet regularly.

Jane did get a verbal scolding from the adoption agency, but had she stuck by the rules, their initial face-to-face contact may have dragged out far longer than they were willing to wait.

Jane and Shaun remain active on Facebook, posting on each other’s walls and sharing photos. Facebook keeps them connected socially.

HAPPY ENDING

This story doesn’t just end happily for the reunited mother and son. Even though Jane’s husband lost his own son in 2006, the connection is a blessing. “Shaun’s presence has helped heal his heart,” Jane said. “My husband loves Shaun.”

“I never had any other children,” Jane continued. “But we spend time together now and it has changed my life completely. I’m close to his adoptive parents. They’re wonderful. And he’s my mom’s only grandchild. Let’s just say Shaun had a really good Christmas last year.”

Celebrity Salami Pigs Out at Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza

2011-06-29T12:17:00.014-04:00

Antonio loved the cauliflower pizza.

Many of you will remember the world's most interesting salami, Antonio Bandeja, from the Chevy Pizza Crawl. Antonio never fails to crash a good party, so yesterday he joined a bunch of bloggers at Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza in Miami Lakes for the Well Done Tour.

Anthony Bruno, founder of his namesake chain of restaurants, recently welcomed bloggers in Central Florida so yesterday was Miami's turn. On the roll call were sexy lady bloggers Jewel's Fab Life, Midtown Chica, Grill Grrrl, Raising Child, Raising Self and of course, yours truly.

Macho blogger Mike La Monica (he's where the beef is) showed up with bromance buddy Social Media Puto. Fit as a fiddle The False Start also attended and barely broke his caveman Paleo diet.

But these stellar South Florida bloggers couldn't hog the spotlight like Antonio Bandeja, who floored us with some shocking news. He's coming out! Yeah, he's tired of hiding and lying about the truth: Antonio used to be a pepperoni before his transgender surgery.

Not that you can really tell ... he's still pretty oily on the bottom and smells just as salty as ever. And it doesn't matter, Antonio, everybody still loves you for your irresistible charisma.

Antonio also confessed that he's become vegetarian in an effort not to eat his own kind, which was just as well, since the salad was scrumptious and dressed perfectly with the right balance of oil and vinegar (a culinary skill he can never seem to master at home). The Eggplant Marino, named after that famous football guy, was delicious and filling and the perfect accompaniment to the rich cauliflower pizza, loaded with yummy cheese.

Veggie lover's delights.

Antonio wasn't too keen on getting close to that coal-fired oven, but that's what makes Anthony's food stand out above the rest. Everything is cooked in there, even the eggplant dish and the cauliflower pizza.

Donning a gorgeous white bandana, Antonio insisted on getting chummy with handsome Anthony Bruno, who told us about his first memories of Italian food ("my mother's meatballs and pasta fazul"), what he eats at home ("I never get tired of Italian, it's the food of love") and what he would do if he were a salami ("I'd hang out with a nice piece of provolone").

See more in our exclusive Antonio Bandeja interview featuring Anthony Bruno!

We are grateful to Anthony Bruno for keeping his cool while holding a cured meat product in his hand and being subjected to grueling questions.

More photos on Flickr.

WIN A DATE WITH SEX AND THE BEACH

Tempted to try this food of love? Here's your chance to win a date with Sex and the Beach! You'll get a $25 gift certificate to Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza to use for lunch or dinner. To win, just leave a comment below on why you deserve such an honor. Antonio Bandeja will pick the best one and if you're really lucky, he might make a cameo appearance to break bread with you.

This isn't about romance, but about romancing the pie, so girlfriends, feel free to leave a comment too!

Contest ends July 15.

Nature Girl: The Elusive Tarpon

2011-06-28T11:17:00.009-04:00

"Fishing is a sport that requires a lot of patience and persistence."

The last time I went fishing, if memory serves me right, was right after September 11, 2001. I was stuck in Spain, not able to return to the states, so an angler friend drove me to Galicia for sea bass.

Hard to believe that was 10 years ago, for so many reasons, obviously. And hard to believe that I went so long without fishing! I could go without sex for years, but fishing? No way!

It was an itch I couldn't scratch but finally relieved last weekend when I got my hands on a rod and tried to catch a tarpon. Thanks to Captain Phil, who happens to be married to one of my best friends from high school, I was treated to the best loss of fishing virginity a girl could desire.

Let's face it, I might as well have been a fishing virgin again.

The three of us set out from a private marina in Pine Island with Captain Greg, Phil's partner in fishing crime. After netting some live bait, we drifted out in Captiva Pass between North Captiva and Cayo Costa, Captain Phil deftly keeping the bait fish out of the floating weeds. Captain Greg stood next to him, letting his bait lie lower in the water.

What more could a girl want? I had two men fishing for me, with the promise of handing over whatever rod got hit first so I could set the hook.

The afternoon could not have been more perfect. We had textbook tarpon fishing conditions. The water was smooth. A few tarpon were rolling. Captain Phil thought most of them were lying in ambush on the deeper edge of the pass.

Tarpon are like a bad-ass gang. I could imagine them hanging out on their turf, grinning slyly, waiting to gulp some wary bait fish swimming out to the gulf.

The magnificent megalops atlanticus.

Oh and the sunset. Yes, your typical gulf coast sunset was ablaze in all its celestial glory.

And then that line of clouds menacing from the east got closer, blowing hard wind and cold rain, which of course was exactly the moment when Captain Greg's rod squealed. All of a sudden, the water was roiling and after two hours of perfect calm I finally had a fish.

But it wasn't a tarpon.

Instead, I landed a small black tip shark, which I wanted to release, but the captain wanted to eat. (Yeah, it's good eats.)

And then I remembered. I was so obsessed with tarpon that I had forgotten I had always wanted to catch a shark!

I wanted a tarpon, but ended up with a shark. Oh heck, I wanted a shark, too!

My first and only tarpon catch happened long before 2001. The sun was rising at Christian Point down in the Everglades when a school of juvenile tarpon surrounded the canoe. I caught one about 50 pounds on light tackle and golden spoon.

Last weekend, those damn bastards were there but just didn't want to bite. They taunted us by mouthing the bait and then swimming away. Fickle finny creatures ... the day before, Captain Phil's guests had hooked a big tarpon. I guess it just wasn't my day, nature conspiring against me with a storm that pounded my ass and soaked me to the bone on the way back to the marina.

After so many years of not fishing, I certainly earned some sea legs. I loved every minute of it.

And it's not really about the fish, of course. It's about connecting with nature, experiencing the water, the wind, the rain, the sun and the beauty of the gulf coast islands, all while hanging out with great friends.

I may not have a caught a tarpon, but hey, I can scratch shark off my bucket list.

And more importantly, I did catch me a some big happy.

More video: Captain Phil explaining fishing in the weeds.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This trip to the gulf coast was supported in part by GM Southeast. I got there and back on a Hybrid Chevy Tahoe. And of course, many thanks go to Captain Phil and my old friend for treating me to a great afternoon!

Casey Key: No Bullshit Beach Retreat on the Gulf for Weary Miamians

2011-06-26T17:18:00.031-04:00

Improvised waterfront seating by the tiki bar at Skeeterville: the good life is pretty simple out on the gulf coast.

If you love the road as much as I do, you know there's nothing better than having time to kill. Last weekend, on my way to Cape Coral from Orlando, I found myself in that happy place, behind the wheel of a sweet ride, not having to rush anywhere.

A friend recommended I stop by Casey Key, where I ended up spending three hours doing a whole lot of amazing nothing.

All I wanted was to see the gulf, and that I did, but I also found two tucked away spots to kick back with a cold one and meet some locals.

SKEETERVILLE

Skeeter and co-bartender Sully at Skeeterville. They were both sweet as pie.

Casey Key is just south of Sarasota and accessible from Blackburn Road, about ten minutes from I-75. Right off a swing bridge is Skeeterville, a three-year old tiki bar named after Skeeter, a slim, soft-spoken blonde originally from Ohio. Over the years, Skeeter worked as an actress as well as a bartender and restaurant owner. She served quite a few celebrities in her heyday and if she hadn't been tending to other customers that afternoon, I would've begged her for more time to chat.

Skeeter, so named because she buzzes around busy (I guess mosquitoes are more appropriate than bees for Florida), didn't want me to know her real name, but she did insist on showing me a framed official proclamation declaring her Mayor of Skeeterville. The title is well-deserved: locals recognize her good works in the community since she moved to Florida 35 years ago.

Skeeterville attracts some nice hogs. These two Harleys belonged to women riders.

Waterfront grill next to Skeeterville.

This unassuming, laid-back tiki bar doesn't exactly match the neighborhood's opulent mansions, visible in the distance among mangroves along the Intracoastal Waterway. "Rich but down to earth people live here," said Skeeter. "Really good people who care."

Skeeterville is technically in Nokomis, a census-designated place on the mainland. Pass another bridge and you're on exclusive Casey Key, a sliver of barrier island much longer than it is wide. A narrow, winding road passes luxury homes to the east with beachfront access to the west. Don't even think of swimming here: "private beach" signs are as abundant as sea oats swaying in the breeze.

It's beautiful, nonetheless, and worth a lazy afternoon drive.

Casey Key aint exactly a shanty town. Talk about skinny real estate: you can spit from that portico to the beach.

FISH CAMP AND NORTH JETTY PARK

It could get better than this on a hot summer Florida day, but not by much.

At the sound end of Casey Key, us mere middle and lower class plebeians will find quaint motels and plenty of beach access ending at North Jetty Park, a gorgeous beach flanked by tall trees and dunes. A cut offers boat access and a rock jetty is shore casting heaven.

North Jetty Fish Camp is quite possibly the most casual hangout you'll ever find, where loitering ("to idle with no apparent purpose") should be an art form or at least a kind of zen meditation. There's not much here but a few tables and benches under shady trees, and a rickety old bait shop offering beer, wine and snacks.

Perfect for winding down, if you ask me.

Locals were hanging out, their butts stuck to the benches after many long conversations there, surely. A May-December couple was sitting looking out at the water, holding hands. Some swarthy guy was fishing from the back of his truck and blasting rock and roll. The sound annoyed me because it drowned out the swish of the surf, but then I consoled myself: at least it wasn't reggaeton.

No frills de-stressing, gulf coast style.

A no bullshit zone? You'd never find a sign like that on South Beach!

Part bait shop, library, beer stand, snack purveyor and lounge. Dress code: bare feet encouraged.

Any Miamian would be easily shocked by these beer prices.

North Jetty Park beach has everything you need: dunes, sea oats, a jetty, picnic tables, restrooms, showers and free parking. Completely free of bullshit, too.

IF YOU GO

Make sure to check out the official website for the Sarasota Convention & Visitors Bureau. More information: Casey Key Fish House and North Jetty Park.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

My delightful afternoon on the gulf coast was supported in part by GM Southeast. I explored the area in a Hybrid Chevy Tahoe.