Cartoon in the Flesh

Earlier this week, I wanted Hugh Macleod to draw a cartoon on my crutches, but he didn't have the right kind of pen for the rubbery handle. Instead, he drew one on my arm!

Since I last mentioned Hugh on this blog, he relocated from London to Alpine, Texas. Most recently, he has been spending more time in Miami for work. His craft has evolved from "cartoons on the back of business cards" to full-size canvases. They're really quite beautiful when you see them in person, printed on gorgeous paper. You can see them online at Gaping Void Gallery.

My arm drawing will wash off, of course -- including that copyright symbol on my skin! I still have another spur-of-the-moment cartoon he drew for me a couple of years ago on the back of an actual business card.

Of course, one of my favorite all time Hugh prints is this one, which I find quite funny:



In his words: "Believe it or not, there are normal people who live in South Beach, and this print is for them."

Book Review: Ignore Everybody by Hugh MacLeod

Today represents a career milestone for my friend Hugh MacLeod. June 11 is the official launch of his print book, Ignore Everybody and 39 Other Keys to Creativity. This 159-page hardback is classic Hugh -- words of wisdom and wit studded with his business card-sized cartoons.

The book is based on a series of blog posts Hugh published at Gaping Void, collectively titled How To Be Creative, which has been downloaded over a million times.

There's something to be said about seeing the old blog posts in the form of a book. It sure is nice to be able to hold these little nuggets of wisdom in your hand, which is a fitting product, considering that Hugh originally started out by drawing quirky cartoons on the back of business cards.

Rewind back to New York City, circa 1997. Hugh had a freelance copywriting gig that turned into a permanent job. In his early Manhattan euphoria, Hugh hung out in bars and drew on the back of business cards because it was a portable and practical art form: " ... there's a lot to be said for an art form that fits easily inside your coat pocket." He handed out his drawings freely, to anyone who was interested. And once back in the UK by 2001, he started blogging, sharing his art and writing with the world.

Hugh's book reads like a collection of sutras followed by an explication, often in the form of a personal anecdote. You can read this book from beginning to end, but you can also open up any random chapter, sit back and let the lovely thoughts linger, like a good scotch on your tongue. Return to the book, time and time again, for inspiration.

Hugh tackles the obvious subjects that shore up for many creative types: ignoring those negative voices (the ones inside your head and the ones coming from others), recognizing and honoring your creative passions, prosperity consciousness, loneliness, frustration, boundaries and most importantly -- sticking to your guns, being true to yourself, no matter what the obstacles or maybe precisely because of the obstacles.

Hugh encourages readers to develop their own "creative sovereignty," which is something I whole-heartedly believe in. If you are really driven to pursue your art, no matter what it is, you will find the way to do it and not dilly-dally with distractions: "If you're arranging your life in such a way that you need to make a lot of fuss between feeling the itch and getting to work, you're putting the cart before the horse."

But it does take time to figure it out: "The most important thing a creative person can learn professionally is where to draw the red line that separates what you are willing to do from what you are not."

I admit, it's easy for me to relate to everything Hugh says, because I'm in the same creative zip code, more or less. But that's besides the point -- what I love about this book is that it's refreshingly practical and accessible -- open up any chapter and you've got a nice little thought-provoking "aha!" moment, perhaps accompanied by a much needed "wake up!" slap on the wrist. Hugh's not coming from some lofty ivory tower, but from a real process of hard work and grit. He's not preachy; he's simply sharing what he has learned along his path.

It all boils down to being an efficient human, somewhere along the path of being creative and making a living. Hugh's book can be inspiring to many, even those who are not drawing or writing. The forty keys to creativity are applicable to many situations.

(By the way, Hugh continues to draw cartoons, but his work has evolved beautifully -- full size prints, some of which I've seen in person, are available for purchase online. My favorite so far is Fred 44. Oh, and he has also been known to draw cartoons on arms.)

Kudos to Hugh. We're looking forward to the next one!

Flat Manola

Self-portrait inspired by geek blogger dinner featuring Hugh Macleod et. al. at a pizza joint in Miami. Just in case you were wondering if my compulsion to draw was spurious, here is an actual specimen that has been crinkled up in my purse for nearly four weeks. I'm not guaranteeing that this will be the last cartoon I'll ever draw on a greasy paper tablecloth.

Hell, I'll draw on the truffle-oil stained embroidered napkin handed to me by the sommelier, thank you.

I'll even draw on your ass if it's firm enough!

I've always labeled myself as an artisan of words AND images. It's a strange feeling to want to capture the moment both verbally and visually. I suppose the art of cartooning satisfies, but it relies heavily on le mot juste and the punctum. Brevity is key. A light bulb lit. A flash of something -- then all is gone.

OK, screw the big fucking words. It either works or it doesn't. And when you can laugh at yourself, you know it does.

Manola was born from a time in my life that wasn't particularly pretty or funny. Actually, it was depressing, inconsolable and ugly. All those laughs we've shared? They sometimes came to me because there was nowhere else to turn.

And so it is. A blessing, blessedly in disguise. Being funny isn't easy, but never laughing is so much harder.

Two years ago, I hadn't even hit rock bottom yet. Yet Manola knocked hard against the eggshell and I nurtured her fledgling existence. The support was mutual; she also nurtured me. Sometimes I don't know if I would've survived without Manola's obnoxious sense of humor. In some ways, the character I created saved me.

I've carried this woman with me for nearly two years (come October). It's just dawning upon me, the weight and responsibility of keeping Manola alive.

And you know what? It aint so bad, my friends. I'll be celebrating my fortieth birthday in November. I've never looked forward to a milestone in my life such as this -- proud, happy, hopefully healthier and above all, truly funny because it's coming from a place where both Manola and I can thrive.

humor, cartoon, blogger dinner

When Baristas Talk About Sex at Starbucks

Classic Sex and the Beach. Cartoon by Yours Truly, circa 2007.

"She does everything but vaginal when she has her period," said one Starbucks barista to his coffee colleague.

And so begins my tame evening in Miami Beach this Wednesday night with a creamy decaf to keep me company. After a few years of living on the mainland, I've returned to the scene of the crime. The heart of South Beach is my home for a spell.

I've come to the coffee shop to write and I overhear a conversation about sex during menstruation. So when baristas talk about sex, you have mundane epiphanies.

Ten years ago, I was amused by the fact that hunky Argentinians -- blessed with legs molded by soccer, limbs thicker than a juicy churrasco that would make any girl chimi her churri -- populated SoBe like so many cigarette butts in the sand. They were all named Alejandro. Seriously, all of them. Just ask the U.S. census. A massive cloud of chéromones clung to the atmosphere and blew our miniskirts like a warm, breezy douche spray on our stuffed empanadas.

Sex was in the air. Sex was everywhere. Sex and the Beach was born.

I worshipped at the altar of wanton.

Ten years later, it seems like the blog went from Lolita to Luddite over night. Where did the sex go? Did it really get 86'd at Lost Weekend? Did it end up in the bathroom stall at Club Deuce? Where is my futbol Adonis of yore? Having coffee at Manolo's with his wife and rug rats?

Ouch. Lights on, last call. Walk of shame toward this adulting thing. So very dull.

Maybe the sex got wiped out after a hurricane. Maybe it oozes out with the floodwaters in the storm drains. I told you South Beach was shallow. Literally. A barrier island afloat under the weight of luxury condos, silicon boobs and gold digger's pockets.

Cartoonist Hugh Macleod said it, too.

Ten years later, I write at Starbucks with a warm Americano instead of a sizzling Argentino. I worship at the altar of vagrant buddhas. I attend Town Hall meetings about the homeless and hang out with environmental activists who, like me, are witnesses to a paradise trashed. It's everything but shallow. Damn. People who live like they live here. People who care.

Don't let the hookah bars on Lincoln Road, the fishbowl drinks on Ocean Drive and the used condoms strewn on the beach fool you. Toss that glossy tourism brochure in the recycle bin. This is a real city --gritty and grimy, gaudy and glamorous -- all at once.

But yawn. How unbearably prosaic.

And then tonight, a glimmer of hope. The fucking barista is shouting in Spanish about the sexual proclivities of his girlfriend. A young woman walks in for a latte with boy shorts riding so far up her curvy butt cheeks, I'm reminded of the great South Beach sanitation crisis of 2006.

Thank God you didn't get all Kendall on me, South Beach, you crazy-ass island full of contradictions. Oh Beachhattan, I love you in all your decadent glory. Like me, you tell it like it is. You really do.

Except for one thing.

I lied. I know where the sex went ... I'm just not going to tell you.

Greetings from Mayami Beesh

Drink to me only with thine eyes. Life is good when nothing is taken for granted.

Hello everyone! Thank you for your kind inquiries with regards to the state of my health. Although Maria is still on hiatus from Sex and the Beach, correspondent Manola Finlandia has volunteered to report.

Maria is working on her tang and spending time with frengs ...

manola, hugh macleod, stormhoek, wine, blog, audio

TedX Miami Showcases the Best of the Magic City

You want this lanyard, trust me.

TedX Miami outdid itself from last year’s already extraordinary first attempt. Held at the New World Symphony’s new campus, the event brought together nine outstanding speakers from all walks of life who are based in or vested in Miami.

The theme was Between the Lines, which is often where so many dynamic ideas begin.

Every speaker hit a raw chord -- literally, as in the case of the musical presentations – but also figuratively, giving us opportunities to think hard about the potential we all have to come up with positive, life-changing ideas. Every talk moved, inspired and provoked. Sometimes, the audience laughed and I'm fairly certain that in a few cases, there probably wasn't a dry eye in the full house, either.

This is one of the sentences I jotted down last night in my notebook: “The only way I can describe this TedX event is ‘breathtaking’ and it leaves me without words.”

So, I’m just going to give you a brief recap of each talk. But honestly? That can't even begin to do justice to all the profound thoughts that were shared. When you’re done reading, you’ll see why this was so kick-ass awesome and why there's so much more to Miami than meets the eye.

Attendees waiting for doors to open at the Frank Gehry building, the best thing to happen to Miami Beach since Columbus discovered America.

• Bestselling novelist Brad Meltzer begged the question of writing one’s own obituary. You don’t get to write your own obituary, but you do get to have a lasting impact. Your legacy isn’t just about children but about the people you influence in your life. Meltzer brought up the example of Jumbo’s restaurant in Liberty City. Founded in 1955, the restaurant hired black employees during segregation.

• Mathematics, computer and engineering super geek Scott Rickard asked if it was mathematically possible to write music without repetition and patterns. (Repetition is "key" to enjoyment. Think about it: you enjoy music because you know what's coming next.) A short piano piece called the Perfect Ping was performed and though it had no repetition, I dare say I think it’s impossible for the human ear not to seek it out. We are so wired that way.

• The absolutely lovely former fashion designer and now jewelry maker Barbara Devries spoke of Plastic is Forever. One day, she started picking up pieces of plastic debris on Eleuthera’s beaches -- random objects washed out by the hot sun and salty sea. Out of this hobby came not only beautiful jewelry, but also an entrepreneurial program for children in the Bahamas. Ironically, the kids actually sell jewelry to cruise ship guests – the cruise industry being one of the greatest polluters of Caribbean waters. De Vries wants her idea to be copied as there is enough plastic jetsam out there in the world for many more mini-entrepreneurial empires. Something to ponder: how many times a day do you come in contact with plastic?

• Dennis Scholl, Vice President of Arts at the Knight Foundation, spoke of Random Acts of Culture. This is a hell of a fun program. Imagine sitting at a food court in a mall minding your own business when suddenly Joe Schmoe sitting next you gets up and starts belting out opera. Actually, something similar happened last night in the audience as well, catching us by surprise with a rousing performance of Toreador from Bizet's Carmen, full female chorus included.

• My friend and brilliant artist Hugh Macleod exhibited some of his work in the hallway upstairs. The drawings were from the main TED Global conference at Edinburg earlier this year, part of a Dewar's scotch whisky series. (Very smart of Dewar's to sponsor TedxMia by the way. Scotch is sexy and smart.)

• TedX is a forward thinking event and the venue was perfect; the philosophy at New World is aligned. Talk about an idea worth spreading -- it's all about technology and universal access to music and music education. Bill Williams, Dean of Musicians at the New World Symphony, spoke on the subject. I’m just going to quote him: “We are sitting at the intersection of music, architectural beauty, technology and design, connecting musicians from around the world.”

(A personal note here: I used to write art and technology grants for the symphony and I saw this idea grow from seed to its current manifestation. I can’t even begin to tell you how thrilled I was to be in this hall.)

• I fell in love Felecia Hatcher from Feverish Ice Cream. She and her husband make gourmet popsicles from local fruit but it’s her kid’s entrepreneurial program (not unlike the one mentioned above) that really stood out. They have taught 20 kids in South Florida how to create and manage a popsicle truck business –- everything from picking strawberries to marketing in their own communities. That’s something very tasty -- ice cream with a cause.

• Colin Foord of Coral Morphologic discussed two hybrid corals growing, nay, thriving, at the mouth of Government Cut – two true South Beach beauties. An imminent dredging program is threatening the organisms. This is serious science stuff, folks. The corals are exceedingly rare, proving that adaptation is possible is an urban waterway and further study could help revive dead coral colonies in different bodies of water. Find a great article on the subject at Beached Miami.

• Did I say I was in love already? I was absolutely smitten with Shelly Baer, a luminous beauty who grew up with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. Her condition is visible in her hands and in her limping walk, but honestly, if you see her real beauty, you can’t tell. My heart sank when she said: “I never looked into a full-length mirror until I was in my early 30s.” Baer was part of a show called Raw Beauty that exhibited in Miami a while back and featured women with disabilities. It was all about breaking stereotypes. “Beauty is in the flaws,” Baer told us with refreshing candor. In a city where plastic surgery is a lifestyle for some, hearing those words was like a breath of fresh air.

• Last but not least, Barrington Irving regaled us on how he broke a world record by flying around the world in an airplane he put together -- not just with mechanical parts -- but with some seriously gutsy grit. He's the youngest person and first black pilot ever to accomplish the amazing feat. Barrington then founded Experience Aviation in Miami, which brings math and science education to kids through a flying simulation classroom, among other programs.

WHAT IS TED?

Well, it's exactly what you just read. An evening of great ideas and inspiration and the best fifty bucks you'll ever spend in this town. But fyi: TED is a non-profit organization devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It all started in California 25 years ago. There are global conferences but the “x” offshoots are local, self-organized events designed to get people thinking about great ideas and how they impact community. TedXMia is a high-caliber grassroots effort, requiring devotion and hard work from many curators and volunteers.

Want more? TedXYouthCushman takes place on November 20 with kids sharing their own great ideas. The next TEDxMIA event is December 16 at Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden. Tickets go on sale next week. I suggest you nab one right away; Between the Lines event sold out a month ahead of time. Videos from last night's event will be available to view on YouTube in the coming weeks. Find details about it all at the TedxMiami website.

Sexcrunch: Raging Men, Horny Ladies and Condom Bragging

All the news that's fit for bed, served between the sheets. Don't ever say you aren't getting any!

Kids, pants below the ass is ok on Miami's stylish beaches, but not in school. Photo by yours truly.

GIVE HIM THE FINGER
Boy, we could sure use some more creative "emasculating gestures" against asshole drivers in Miami. People of my city, start wiggling your pinkies like our friends down under! Some wanker in Australia flew into road rage after a woman showed him the little finger. Insecure about size much? Read the full story at News.com.au.



Here's another curious report from down under, courtesy of the 2007 Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey: "In almost every country, men have had more partners than women - the only exception is New Zealand where the women's average of 20 lovers is three more than the men's."

I don't know what's up with those Kiwi ladies, but I do know this: in a world full of lousy drivers, we might as well be getting some mileage in the bedroom!

SAFESAX
There's nothing that says "I'm a loose tramp" more than carrying around a transparent bag lined with condoms! But heck, at least I'm a smart, health-conscious slut who doesn't want to catch anything nasty from my lover and get preggers. Personally, I'd rather carry all things that go near my genitals (ie, tampons, condoms, vibrators, etc;) in a private, enclosed clutch, but any product that gets people talking about safe sex is a good thing.

The condoms are sealed-in and available for emergency use only, which ladies, as we well know, is much better than Plan B.

CARTOON OF THE WEEK

The indefatigable Hugh Macleod does it again! Lord knows what he had in mind when he drew this last week. Could it have been inspired by Apple's release of Leopard, the latest pussy on the block? Of course, this cartoon can be interpreted in other ways. After all, the world's oldest profession has been using pussy 1.0 since the beginning of time, no upgrade required.

On a side note, I can't wait until Apple gets to Liger.

tags: safesax, pussy, road rage, safe sex, durex survey, apple, leopard, miami

The Dissolusionment of Love

Is it love that I'm feeling? Or incontinence? Every woman ought to know the difference!

Yes, that's a new word I coined: dissoluble + disillusioned = dissolusionment. I think I can retire now, thank you. What woman shall cast the first tampon? What woman cannot relate to this? Drawn at The Abbey, Miami Beach.

Disclaimer: this cartoon in no way whatsoever pays homage to Hugh Macleod. I've been drawing for donkey's ages, long before I met this man. I can't help it if he likes to draw on business cards and Lord knows I can't control myself if a legal pad, tablecloth, firm ass or other surface amenable to my scrawls just happens to leap at me when I have a pen in my hand.

cartoon, vagina, relationships

Manola is Forever Enigmatic

I'd walk three blocks and whore out a bunch o' links for this man. Crap, I did!

Pour Me Some Whine

But it's true! Have you ever tried swimming in the North Pacific?

shameless plug

The Pinot Grigio is good!