Sunday, November 20, 2005

Wellfuckin 50mg

Wellbutrin commercial: all its characters look healthy and happy. Forty plus somethings driving across the Pacific Coast Highway, horseback riding ... ah ... just think of all that you'd be missing if you weren't on Wellbutrin! And I mean ALL that you'd be missing, because with the least sexual side effects, Wellbutrin is the viagra for the horniness impaired.

Anyway, what the fuck is a sexual side effect? Does that mean you get multiple orgasms or longer erections? Or that you get a side order of blow job with intercourse? No. On Wellbutrin, apparently, you experience being horny AND happy. And not just that -- you clearly have a loving, sexual partner with whom to quench your insatiable sexual thirst, which you'd be wasting otherwise, in your pathetic state of depression! What's wrong with you? You've got someone wanting to fuck you and you're just curled up on the couch being depressed? SHAME ON YOU!

What's more, if you take other anti-depressants, you will be cut off from your erogenous zones like a full-body epidural. Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft are the equivalent of a genital lobotomy. But caveat emptor: Wellbutrin may cause seizures. Heck, what's a little seizure now and then, if you can fuck your way to happiness?

Why don't they show the real face of depression? Sitting in your apartment. Dark circles under your eyes. You haven't washed your hair in days. Half a bottle of vodka sits next to angry letters to your ex. The voodoo doll is only half full of pins.

I wish my life was a Wellbutrin commercial. If I was in a mutually loving relationship and was getting laid, I wouldn't be so fucking depressed in the first place!

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