Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Famous Miami Bloggers

Famous Miami Bloggers
Is there a blog in there?

Last month, five of us cool cats (yes, I said it) got together at Morada Bay in Islamorada for the first ever South Florida tweetup, a gathering of folks who are on Twitter, including Devbear, Douge, Fanless and Dearyvette. We're hoping to do more planned and/or spontaneous get-togethers, so stay tuned. We had a grand old time and I hope you can join us in the future.

I was just thinking about this the other day -- 99% of my LOCAL real world friends are people I met online. It's simply amazing, perhaps stating the obvious for some of you, but it's not something I take for granted. Since I started blogging two years ago (October 10th was this blog's birthday), I have met many wonderful people who have given a damn about me in real life and I've had the honor to give a damn about them.

I'm not talking about "friends" in a Robert Scoble facebook 5,000 "contacts" sort of way -- which is totally cool and serves its purpose, that's all fine and well -- but people who make a real difference in my life, which is a blessing, because I've been a reclusive writer for the last two years and all of my "old school" friends have left Miami. (Why have my friends left Miami? That's another matter to discuss entirely.)

In my favorite movie, Casablanca, Rick may have told Ilsa "it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world," but imagine how that screenplay would've been written today? Yes, the problems of three little people still don't amount to a hill of beans, but the difference is that with technology, three little people can move mountains.

Results in meatspace is the true power of social media and it's something I definitely don't take for granted. Old friends are still very much so in my life and new friends have taken root in this topsy-turvy world.

Quite recently, my brother announced to the family that he and his wife are moving to Hawaii. This upset my father because the traditional Cuban family physical center was already detached enough with my brother's setting up life in Los Angeles. I can understand why my parents would feel bereft, "losing" a son to the city of angels, since they had to give up everything they ever knew to exile from that little island off the Caribbean Sea. You see, there hasn't really been any grounding in my family; we always came from somewhere else and have been rather nomadic for several generations.

But on the other hand, I'm very lucky to live in a generation that knows no boundaries. What does it mean to not have a proper home? What do we really "own" anyway? I'll tell ya, the beating heart is the best mortgage you'll ever invest in. Besides, there is no such thing as distance anymore and there are certainly no more excuses.

Imagine just for a moment what it would've been like to live without cheap long distance, email, instant messaging and of course, twitter. Yes, it used to be called book learning, but not many people, let alone women, had access to education.

The distance between two hearts is a fiction we create within ourselves, which is why I've always assumed the internet was modeled after God (my sense of God, admittedly) and compassion. "Connect, always connect" is my favorite quote (E.M. Forster) and applies in mysterious ways. Broadband is a blood vessel, a life line, an umbilical chord. The heart beats, the body moves and spirit is called to action.

Don't twitter? Here is a primer I wrote for Simplr. My friend Stephanie is using twitter to chart her weight loss journey. If you like, you can follow me here (Manola is a separate but inactive account).

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Saturday, October 20, 2007

Sexcrunch: Cash Cows, Wealthy Lechers and Hot Geezers

All the news that's fit for bed, served between the sheets. Don't ever say you aren't getting any!

sex on the beach pussy thong Get a room! This classic sex on the beach moment brought to you courtesy of Key Largo Diver, one of my favorite local photographers. Yes, the girl is pulling a Britney, but that wayward thong is too low even for Manola's taste. Click here to see the nsfw full monty.

Speaking of exposing your pussy to the world, Scientific American reports on a study conducted by some dudes who proved that strippers make more bucks when they're ovulating. Yeah, seriously. Pole dancers on the pill served as a control group and went home with nothing extra to report to the IRS. The results of this experiment suggest that human estrus still lurks beneath our civilized codes of social conduct, as opposed to baboons, who don't think twice about displaying their engorged rumps to potential mates.

What genius! I'm tellin' ya, who would've thought that showing your pussy to a bunch of horny guys when you're most likely to make a baby results in such financial generosity? I love science.

Speaking of guys who pay for pussy, Isaiah Thompson at New Times Miami reports on the South Florida sugar daddy scene. There's a local company that makes it easy for fellas with disposable moolah to support their darlings -- or, if you choose to look at it another way -- the company offers an online job board for sugar babies. The definition of "sex worker" is quite loose and certainly, the economy of cash and sexual currency has always been grayer than Oscar Wilde's imagination. Me? I'll stick to dinner and a movie, thank you. That'll be all.

Jill Bauer at The Miami Herald writes a fascinating article that introduces Judie Manulkin, a local septuagenarian sexologist. Bauer also focuses on the trials and tribulations of sex life over fifty -- an age that's not looking so old to me right now, egads! Surely, viagra has made many older peckers quite chipper, but there's more to it than erections. I remember when my sister was actively dating in the 50 + scene. Same drama you hear spring chickens yap about, just chased with a shot Geritol. (Cache this article quickly before the paper throws it into archive oblivion!)

Is it a penis or an easter egg? Gizmodo questions Motorola. Hmm, maybe I should trade in my old Nokia!

It's easy to be dirty-minded when you see this cartoonist in action!

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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Eau de Scrotum

I'm sorry, I'm sort of a matter of fact person, and whenever you do an ad campaign with a perfume bottle on top of a skeletal model's vagina, I'm going to think wow, you want guys to start acting like horny dogs who sniff out hoochie!

Real classy, huh?

Ya know, I'm just kind of literal that way. But what if we turned the tables around? What if Tom Ford had to design a perfume campaign for women? Would gladiator-supersize-OMG peni be served so candidly and with such fervor? Hmm ... the cautious, compassionate critic in me says "I don't think so."

Here's the bottom line, folks. Pussy sells, dick does not.

And I would love to see scrotum served so cold, like a tuna platter, know what I mean?

And by the way, if I did have a for real boyfriend, I would NEVER buy him this cologne, unless of course, he had to figure out how to find it ... :-)

Please, please, please ... contemplate this the next time you give a guy a blow job, alright?

What more is there to say?

Do you or don't you want to your cologne to smell like hoochie? Sexual smells are wonderful, but not like this ...

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Gringo Woo Your Spanish Fly

This tender chonga video is dedicated to my fellow writer pal, Matt Meltzer, formerly aka White Dade. Come to think of it, perhaps many transplanted Miamians may also enjoy this song ...

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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

A Death Prayer and Some Laughs

maria drawing heart flatline

Well, before you start thinking the author of this blog has major mood swings ... something funny happens to you after you've flatlined. It's hard to explain, but boy does this change you forever. I was talking to an old grad school buddy about this and ya know, it seems like all in a day's work, but not really. It's possible to be all bumpity-bump and yet perfectly content ... the heart is a VERY fickle organ, but you still look at that electronic monitor like it defines you somehow. And well, that thing called death, it's like I walk hand-in-hand with her every day, eating a snow-cone or having a grand old time, all good stuff.

In any case, I was inspired by my friend over at Gaping Void for some profound thoughts on a death prayer, but even perhaps more so on just the thought of what if? based on my own lived experience. Well, more cartoons and inanity tomorrow, for certain ... no one ever said the laughs came easily. But they do come, don't they?

PS ... if it helps you to know, as I thought I was at death's door, I was cracking jokes with the cute ER staff in green scrubs, would you expect any less? Soon I will tell you about the hilarious experience at the hospital, no less than 4 EMTs as my witness!

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Friday, October 05, 2007

South Beach On $5,000 A Day

"It's dick. You GOTTA have dick."

"What's the point of living if you can't be a stupid, fucking lush?"

"This little restaurant/bar/mafia den is in the middle of this Jewish hassid neighborhood, so you never know if you're talking to the rabbi or the drug dealer. Talk about spiritual food."

"I feel like Tony Montana is going to walk into the room with a machine gun."

Rachael Ray vampired Manola's body, zOMG! But ever wonder how to do South Beach on a budget? Well, wonder no more ... my client miamibeach411.com has all the answers. Wanna schmooze your way into a nightclub? And afterwords, how 'bout some cheap, good eats?

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Thursday, October 04, 2007

Modern Love: An Indecent Proposal

Cartoon drawn up quickly over the phone while talking to a friend. We take social media VERY seriously!

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Sexcrunch: Penile Art, Neoclitori and Repentant Pornographers

All the news that's fit for bed, served between the sheets. Don't ever say you aren't getting any!

Just your average tax collector on South Beach. Does this phenomenon have a neoclitoris?

As a rogue cartoonist, I do appreciate innovative approaches to art. But this one I could've never imagined!

Learn more about Pricasso here.

Proof once more that sex and gender are not bedfellows: some people buy pussy, but not for porn. Reuters Health reports that "most people who undergo male-to-female sex change surgery are satisfied with the results." In the process of transexual metamorphosis, feminizing genitoplasty often involves the recreation of a neoclitoris. I really like this word: neoclitoris. It's refreshing. Not just any old clitoris, but a neoclitoris ... ah! Neoclitoris ... strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Speaking of dudes who are pussies, Joe Francis is behind bars but wants you to know he's a really nice guy -- the kind you can take home to mother. The Girls Gone Wild creator has launched a website complete with baby pictures in the hope you'd want to pinch his cheeks, even if the long arm of the law wants to slap his ass hard. You be the judge: go meet Joe Francis.

"All you need to know about lightning and the mysterious male organ" over at the inimitable Steve Klotz.

Babygirl gives men nine simple tips on how to impress women. My favorite? "Be funny without making burp and fart jokes."

Ariel at Shake Well Before Use critiques a stupid-ass gender-bending experiment at GM. "We dressed him in a garbage bag to simulate a tight skirt. . . ." Because you know, a garbage bag is just like a tight skirt!

Thomas Laquer, whose book Making SEX I'm currently re-reading, wrote an article about the history of the whip for Slate's sex issue. Read more at The Long and Curious History of Arousal.

Photo by the fabulous Miami Fever.

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