Sunday, September 24, 2006

Exclusive! America's Hottest Mom Auditions!

miami beach hottest mom audition

Hot mom or ho on the street corner? You decide. Manola 180's stealthy paparazzi team captured this potential candidate leaving the Byron Carlyle Theater this afternoon.


We must applaud the sensitive creators of this reality TV series for bringing the forgotten plight of this special needs population to light. Recent studies by progressive, impartial think tank Girls Next Door, funded by a cabal of America's intelligentsia, have shown that for women to be considered physically beautiful and sexually desirable by mainstream media after doing what they are equipped to do -- mainly pushing a watermelon-sized human out of their vaginas -- is practically impossible.

Think tank leader Bridget Bleachbrain expresses concern about the widespread incidence of ugly mothers. "zOMG! For every like, 1 billion moms, like only one stays hot!"

A chilling statistic makes clear that in fact -- these women who make up most of the population, inside whom all of us have spent the first part of our lives and without whom we would not be alive -- are considered handicapped by fugliness.

"This is why we are praising America's hottest moms" explains reality tv show producer, James Jackass. "Those women who overcome this insurmountable limitation deserve very special treatment as MILFs."


byron carlyle miami beach hot mom audition

Manola asked James Jackass why the audition took place at the Byron Carlyle in North Beach instead of America's hottest playground, HoBe. But the erudite brainchild of such fine productions as Bulimia Boulevard and Alexia's Last Laxative appeared surpised.

"Manola, are you serious? There aren't any MILFs in South Beach. Shoving a gerbil up your ass or a baseball bat-sized vibrator up your cunt is NOT the same as pushing out ... you know ... what are they called ... babies? HELLO? HoBe doesn't even have a fucking maternity ward! The only hospital down here was torn down by a condo developer! Get your facts straight, bitch."

"By the way," concluded James Jackass, pointing and twirling his finger at my rack, "you're a little too fat for us, but would you like to ... ?"

Sensing his discomfort in being questioned by a woman with brains and a rack, Manola concluded the interview with one simple question: "America's Hottest Mom is a shoe-in reality TV hit. Being a broadcast visionary with a commitment to enriching humanity with culture, what's next?"

"Easy," replied James Jackass. "What could be better than America's Hottest Geezer? Just think about it. Carrying the cane, but still wearing a wife beater. We're interested in representing all of America's disadvantaged communities, including aging metrosexuals."

old geezer miami beach


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Jonathan said...

Hey! I told you not to photograph me with my cane. How am I supposed to hit on all the hot moms if you trash my public image?

BTW, check out my hot bead necklace. And that's a bespoke undershirt, I'll have you know.

Manola Blablablanik said...

Now Jonathan, how am I supposed to pick myself up off of the floor I just fell on laughing?

Stephanie Quilao said...

This is truly hysterical, YET AGAIN. I wrote about it:

Miami Transit Man said...

Why is she trying to dress like a schoolgirl?

J-J said...

I think she's a Ho and a mom...

erica said...

Manola, I can't believe I haven't looked at your blog before! No wonder SW loves you so. You have inspired me on a bleh wednesday, thank you!

(by the way - that girl totally stole my best outfit! You know, the one I wore in the Aerosmith video, and for halloween '97, and in every porno ever made)

Freckle Face Girl said...

Hot that is a tempting show. I am sure they'll be coming back to the SunShine State for auditions.

Manola Blablablanik said...

Welcome Erica!

FF ... yeah, sort of like pervy Golden Girls! :-)

Spill The Beans said...

On the other hand, if you've got it, flaunt it. Why is it that if a mom looks/dresses sexy, she's a slut, trying to act 18, or probably a bad mom?

Okay, well, maybe the folks you've linked are correct about the slut thing. ;) But is that such a bad thing? Why y'all always gotta be pickin' on the sluts?