Hot mom or ho on the street corner? You decide. Manola 180's stealthy paparazzi team captured this potential candidate leaving the Byron Carlyle Theater this afternoon.
MOTHERHOOD: A FUGDEMIC
We must applaud the sensitive creators of this reality TV series for bringing the forgotten plight of this special needs population to light. Recent studies by progressive, impartial think tank Girls Next Door, funded by a cabal of America's intelligentsia, have shown that for women to be considered physically beautiful and sexually desirable by mainstream media after doing what they are equipped to do -- mainly pushing a watermelon-sized human out of their vaginas -- is practically impossible.
Think tank leader Bridget Bleachbrain expresses concern about the widespread incidence of ugly mothers. "zOMG! For every like, 1 billion moms, like only one stays hot!"
A chilling statistic makes clear that in fact -- these women who make up most of the population, inside whom all of us have spent the first part of our lives and without whom we would not be alive -- are considered handicapped by fugliness.
"This is why we are praising America's hottest moms" explains reality tv show producer, James Jackass. "Those women who overcome this insurmountable limitation deserve very special treatment as MILFs."
BREAKING NEWS! SATURATED SOUTH BEACH LUXURY CONDO MARKET A FAILURE! INVEST IN BIRTHING VAGINAS!
Manola asked James Jackass why the audition took place at the Byron Carlyle in North Beach instead of America's hottest playground, HoBe. But the erudite brainchild of such fine productions as Bulimia Boulevard and Alexia's Last Laxative appeared surpised.
"Manola, are you serious? There aren't any MILFs in South Beach. Shoving a gerbil up your ass or a baseball bat-sized vibrator up your cunt is NOT the same as pushing out ... you know ... what are they called ... babies? HELLO? HoBe doesn't even have a fucking maternity ward! The only hospital down here was torn down by a condo developer! Get your facts straight, bitch."
"By the way," concluded James Jackass, pointing and twirling his finger
Sensing his discomfort in being questioned by a woman with brains
"Easy," replied James Jackass. "What could be better than America's Hottest Geezer? Just think about it. Carrying the cane, but still wearing a wife beater. We're interested in representing all of America's disadvantaged communities, including aging metrosexuals."
MO' BETTER OUTRAGE
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tags: america's hottest mom, miami beach, reality tv, exclusive, parody, milf