Monday, November 09, 2009

The Biggest and Tastiest Cock Evar!

My birthday is today, but I celebrated yesterday on the beach with many friends during a very windy evening.

I thought about writing something serious about being 42. You know, kvetching about how I'm still single, don't have kids, am a struggling creative type, still have some weight to lose bla bla bla ... but you know what? I'm just not feeling it!

I was surrounded by so many wonderful friends yesterday, that I can't complain about one fucking damn thing. Friends in person or friends from a distance -- it didn't matter. And thanks to social media, today has been just as warm and fuzzy.

My friend Pam Anderson (yes, that's her name, and she's indeed a sexy, well-endowed blond!) made me a colossal and delicious carrot cake, complete with a larger-than-life fondant penis. If this penile pastry doesn't scream "Sex and the Beach," I don't know what does!


After I blew out the candles, my friends requested that I take a big bite out of the dick tip as a ceremonial first slice. Then I put on a latex glove and sliced accordingly. Of course, Lorena Bobbitt jokes were flying around the table.

Interestingly, most of the men wanted a slice from the scrotum, while the women preferred the shaft. A "prostate massage" proved unfruitful, but most of the testicles were left over.

Pam also made some tasty cupcakes with little marzipan cocks.

I won't even tell you what some other friends got me as a gag gift, but let's just say that it requires two AA batteries and can put a smile on my face!

Unfortunately, I'm not quite sure whom I would fantasize about while using this fleshy, 6.5 inch vibrating dildo; while I am attracted to a few single and very handsome men in my circle, I'm not particularly inspired in a romantic way right now by anyone. My love life seems to be like the eye of a hurricane -- very still while every one else's seems to be blowing around right by me.

I did however meet a younger guy in South Beach this Friday who had me falling in love for like 10 minutes. He was not only good looking and pleasant, but smart ... imagine that! All we did was talk but I'm pretty sure our pheromones were having a party of their own. No word on a repeat performance. But as we all know, relationships in South Beach are usually shorter than the life cycle of a fruit fly. Sigh.

I really, really despise the word "cougar" but this wouldn't be the first time that a younger man held tightly on to the reigns of conversation. Hey look it, they come to me, ok? I'm not chasing any tail.

Anyway, cupid seems to have flown the coop, but love from friends is definitely in the air. The love I get from my friends is something I cherish deeply. There is only one word that comes to mind when I think of my friends and connections: abundance. Thanks to all of you for being in my life!

In related news, perhaps inspired by being a forty-something, I'm starting a musical duo with my friend @bachinaminuet, a very talented musician who makes people's lives better through that art. The duo will be called Peri and Meno, "music for all of life's pauses." Stay tuned for some very hysterical lyrics!

Note: special thanks to Carrabbas on 39th street and Collins Avenue for putting up with all our shenanigans!

6 comments:

Bunny Cummings said...

Hey look! You can see down the dress of the chick holding the cupcake pan! What a slut she is!

South Florida Lawyers said...

Those are hilarious!

Happy birthday, 42 is the new 31?

Sierra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ClassyGuitarGirl said...

Happy Belated Birthday! I love the cupcakes...can I get the recipe?

SexualFantasy said...

I just found your blog and I am so intrigued by your writings!!!! I am glad to hear you had a very phallic-like birthday!

SexualFantasy said...

hahaa this is so funny, hope you got all those cocks down sucessfully.