Sexcrunch: Fat People Booted From Dating Website

Big Brother is watching your waistline. Or at least the all-seeing community at Beautifulpeople.com, which recently banished 5,000 fatties to ugly land for posting pictures that revealed a bit too much of holiday pudge.

Even though it sounds like a publicity stunt from a would-be Eugenics Society, that's exactly what happened, according to various sources.

From Mashable:

Those holding the reins blame members’ holiday overindulgences for their harsh actions and have been notifying former members via e-mail of their expulsion. Of course, all is not lost; should those same members get fit again, they can reapply for membership.

And Techrunch:

The social network, which prides itself in not letting ‘ugly’ people enter the site, claims these users had it coming by putting pictures of themselves celebrating during the holiday season, revealing that they ‘may have let themselves go’. The company also says ‘vigilant members, who take pride in the standards demanded by the site, called for action’.

In an exclusive interview, Sexcrunch got the down-low from Beautifulpeople.com consulting relationships coach, Dr. Dandy Dickfrost.

"Fat and ugly people pose a serious threat to the tender sensibilities of beautiful, sexy people," said Dr. Dickfrost. "One of our members was hospitalized for a severe panic attack after he discovered his date had a tiny patch of cellulite on her left buttock. He's still in recovery from the shock."

In our endless search for fair and unbiased reporting, Sexcrunch asked its resident medical consultant, Dr. Suck Mygupta, for a second opinion.

"Apparently, Dr. Dickfrost is not aware that most of the civilized world is fat and ugly and yet most manage to hook up, get it on and live happily ever after," he explained. "The truth is, relationships based on pure narcissism never succeed."

But in vapid universe, the matter is grave -- criminal, even. More important than world hunger and homeless polar bears.

"These gluttonous slobs who put on a pound or two over Christmas for eating grandma's cookies deserve to wallow in a pit of loneliness and despair for the rest of their lives," Dr. Dickfrost admonished.

"Frankly, it should be a federal crime to offend the eyesight of our perfect clients. What little pride they have, they invest all of it in their looks. Some of them even step on the scale after shaving just to see if it makes a difference. Only these people deserve to go out on dates."