By the grace of God, what am I supposed to do with this yumminess? Serve it up on a platter with a side of coleslaw?
It has been about two years since I moved from South Beach to South Miami. I don't miss the beach at all, but sometimes I have to go back to experience a dose of non-reality.
Yesterday, traffic was more backed up on the causeway than the bowels of a constipated goat. And forget about finding parking. Oh and I refuse to pay ass-rape prices for taxis.
As a result, I walked up and down Ocean Drive in wedge heels for a total of four miles just to take advantage of my super secret free parking spot. (You could kill me and I still wouldn't tell you where it is.)
And heck, all that walking burns vodka calories, right?
The main occasion was a pre Ultra Music Festival gathering for Cirque du Pool on March 26th, which promises to be a classic South Beach bash.
Yes, a party to celebrate another party a week before ... that's how we roll in the 305, which was completely acceptable to the friendly tourists I met from Iowa.
The Terrace Bar and Cigar Lounge affords an excellent view of 5th street and Lummus Park from a wrap-around terrace, where you can while away the hours watching bumper-to-bumper traffic below. The $25 all-you-can-drink-all-day bar featuring premium liquor was probably the best deal on the beach yesterday, and if they keep that up, this casual lounge could easily become a local's favorite.
But not so cool: how repugnantly touristy Ocean Drive has become north of 5th street. Is it just me, or has it gotten worse over the years? This is what I observed as I walked from 5th street all the way to The Delano.
Tourists, why are you ordering those mega cocktails the size of a football field? What a waste of booze and offense to the art of mixology!
And what's up with the tacky food displays? Didn't the City of Miami Beach outlaw them a few years ago?
The City of Miami Beach was certainly on duty yesterday when code enforcement showed up and forced us to take the music inside, which made me wonder: who in their right mind lives on Ocean Drive not expecting noise?
Seriously, if noise offends, so should those visual displays at restaurants.
In any case, the beach was buzzing yesterday in all its urban glory, and if you blinked, you might have missed the fact that it's a barrier island on the Atlantic Ocean. I had a blast. And today I need a foot massage.
Behold the photo dump below.
Lummus Park at South Beach's busiest intersection.
I don't know why, but I kept thinking strap-on dildo when I saw this babe drumming.
Dude, you can wear a hoodie, but you can't hide the fact that you are filling in that speedo quite well.
The human slinky was really cool. Travel Channel was in the house shooting B-roll for some show ... not sure which one.
The dancer on the left looks a lot like Amy Winehouse, doesn't she? Lovely girl, but someone please take her to La Carreta for dinner.
This redheaded cutie had been pouring cocktails in a bikini and heels earlier in the day. She went ultra beach preppy after a while.
Dancing and texting at the same time! And what's up with the school bus in the background? Kids going out on a Saturday?
Pals from Web City Girls stopped by for a bit.