Celebrity Salami Breaks Bread with Dan Marino

Antonio Bandeja was thrilled to his cured core with the cheese pizza.

On Thursday, I was invited to the "friends and family preview" of a new Anthony's Coal-Fired Pizza in Coral Gables.  My sidekick, celebrity salami Antonio Bandeja, came along, as he was very eager to enjoy a bite of the cauliflower pizza.

As it turns out, some handsome, blue-eyed, tall, deep-voiced guy named Dan Marino, who is apparently a rather famous football athlete -- played with the Miami Dolphins, who knew? -- broke bread with us and Anthony Bruno, founder of the chain.

I confessed to Dan Marino that I didn't know much about football.  An ex-boyfriend of mine was a big fan of the Buffalo Bills, but all that taught me was an appreciation for chicken wings -- which fed me through graduate school, one stick of butter and bottle of hot sauce at a time, baby.

Well, this Dan Marino guy was quite nice and eager to share an incredible spread of salad, meatballs, pizza, succulent ribs and his namesake Eggplant Marino with Antonio and I.  Anthony Bruno was in the da house also, and we truly felt like la famiglia.

It took some convincing, but celebrity salami did warm up to Dan Marino.    You know, being stuck between two hunky, gorgeous Italian men before a big meal ... wait a minute, is this 50 Shades of Marinara?

The Eggplant Marino is baked not fried. {Insert bad sophomoric joke here.} 

I'm really glad there's a new Anthony's Coal-Fired Pizza in Coral Gables for two very important reasons.  One, I just moved nearby, and I absolutely adore their salad. I have said it before and I'll say it again, something so simple is impossible for me to replicate at home and I want to just bathe in the salad dressing -- the perfect tango of olive oil and vinegar.

Who said Italian food is all bad carbs?

Reason number two: they have a Meatballs and Martinis night, which is what every single woman should put on her agenda. Don't tell me you can't find balls in Miami!

More importantly, Antonio was pleased. But he got a little stuck up and didn't even give Dan Marino an autograph.  Bad salami! Who does he think he is, Kim Kardashian?

This dish is like 50 Shades of Italian Ribs.  "Lascivious" is putting it Catholic-nun modestly. Expect finger-lickin' buono!

Anthony's Coal-Fired Pizza in Coral Gables opened today to the public. I'm not kidding about the salad. And the ribs are seriously to die for, redolent of rosemary and smothered in red and green hot Italian men ... oops, I mean peppers.  Go some time and you might find Antonio Bandeja enjoying a bite or two of the vegetarian dishes -- he doesn't like to eat his pepperoni cousins.

Celebrity Salami Pigs Out at Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza

Antonio loved the cauliflower pizza.

Many of you will remember the world's most interesting salami, Antonio Bandeja, from the Chevy Pizza Crawl. Antonio never fails to crash a good party, so yesterday he joined a bunch of bloggers at Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza in Miami Lakes for the Well Done Tour.

Anthony Bruno, founder of his namesake chain of restaurants, recently welcomed bloggers in Central Florida so yesterday was Miami's turn. On the roll call were sexy lady bloggers Jewel's Fab Life, Midtown Chica, Grill Grrrl, Raising Child, Raising Self and of course, yours truly.

Macho blogger Mike La Monica (he's where the beef is) showed up with bromance buddy Social Media Puto. Fit as a fiddle The False Start also attended and barely broke his caveman Paleo diet.

But these stellar South Florida bloggers couldn't hog the spotlight like Antonio Bandeja, who floored us with some shocking news. He's coming out! Yeah, he's tired of hiding and lying about the truth: Antonio used to be a pepperoni before his transgender surgery.

Not that you can really tell ... he's still pretty oily on the bottom and smells just as salty as ever. And it doesn't matter, Antonio, everybody still loves you for your irresistible charisma.

Antonio also confessed that he's become vegetarian in an effort not to eat his own kind, which was just as well, since the salad was scrumptious and dressed perfectly with the right balance of oil and vinegar (a culinary skill he can never seem to master at home). The Eggplant Marino, named after that famous football guy, was delicious and filling and the perfect accompaniment to the rich cauliflower pizza, loaded with yummy cheese.

Veggie lover's delights.

Antonio wasn't too keen on getting close to that coal-fired oven, but that's what makes Anthony's food stand out above the rest. Everything is cooked in there, even the eggplant dish and the cauliflower pizza.

Donning a gorgeous white bandana, Antonio insisted on getting chummy with handsome Anthony Bruno, who told us about his first memories of Italian food ("my mother's meatballs and pasta fazul"), what he eats at home ("I never get tired of Italian, it's the food of love") and what he would do if he were a salami ("I'd hang out with a nice piece of provolone").

See more in our exclusive Antonio Bandeja interview featuring Anthony Bruno!



We are grateful to Anthony Bruno for keeping his cool while holding a cured meat product in his hand and being subjected to grueling questions.

More photos on Flickr.

WIN A DATE WITH SEX AND THE BEACH

Tempted to try this food of love? Here's your chance to win a date with Sex and the Beach! You'll get a $25 gift certificate to Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza to use for lunch or dinner. To win, just leave a comment below on why you deserve such an honor. Antonio Bandeja will pick the best one and if you're really lucky, he might make a cameo appearance to break bread with you.

This isn't about romance, but about romancing the pie, so girlfriends, feel free to leave a comment too!

Contest ends July 15.

Antonio Bandeja Crashes Chevy Pizza Crawl!

Hey everybody! Meet my new boyfriend, Antonio Bandeja. I met him on eHarmony, because as you can see, it's painfully obvious he's scientifically proven to be the perfect fit for me! Antonio smells a bit pungent and tends to sweat; however, he's rock solid loyal. What's more, he doesn't talk and isn't medicated -- what two great qualities in a man! Ladies, I dare you to resist the seductive gaze and beaming smile of Antonio!

Yesterday, Antonio made his public debut at Chevy Pizza Crawl 3 in Miami-Dade, where we hung out with 2o other lucky bastards who got to drive Chevrolets and gorge on pizza all day long. After meeting at Tropical Chevrolet in Miami Shores, we stopped at Andiamo (Biscayne Corridor) Pizza Volante (Design District), Fratelli La Bufala (South Beach), The Big Cheese (South Miami) and Spris (Coral Gables).

Antonio loved the pizza at Andiamo, though he wasn't too happy to see where some of his cousins ended up.

Our favorite pizza was at Andiamo because it was the most flavorful with big chunks of sweet, delicious roasted tomato and fragrant, fresh basil. The goat cheese and portobella mushroom pizza with caramelized onions burst with perfectly blended flavors and made our tongues sing.

Pizza Volante didn't live up to its usual quality and the antipasti platter, while overflowing with prosciutto, olives, marinated artichokes, cherry tomatoes and mozzarella over crisp romaine, could've used some dressing.

Fratelli's signature dough was a bit too chewy (it's supposed to be that way), but the melt-in-your-mouth buffalo mozzarella was divine, especially on the Genuina pie. Platters of gorgeous seasonal vegetables on a deli counter window made us want to come back and sample more of Fratelli's menu. The staff aint bad to look at, either.

Two hot Italians at Fratelli La Bufala. Ladies, which one would you choose? The one on the left is evidently well hung, but the one on the right can cook.

We were too stuffed to even try Big Cheese, but managed to sample a few pieces of pie at Spris, which came in as our second favorite for its simple flavor and thin crust. That's saying a lot after a long day that ended with jaded palettes saturated with cheese, cured meats and dough.

It's just amazing how different pizza can taste from one place to another, which just goes to show what we've always known about men: no two salamis are ever the same.

I was so busy making out with Antonio in the back seat of the roomy Chevy SUVs, that I almost forgot to drive! The Chevy Traverse has personal TV screens for backseat passengers, which Antonio loved because he could watch some salami porn.

Luckily, I managed to get behind the steering wheel of the Malibu with Antonio next to me in the cup holder. I gave some folks the scenic tour through Coral Gables, passing by the Biltmore Hotel and Venetian pool. The ride was extremely smooth and comfortable -- which we all needed after popping a button or two on the way to our last stop at Spris.

Antonio so charmed everyone at the pizza crawl, even the guys couldn't resist giving him head! He also won the award for funniest tweet.