Sexcrunch: Good Positions, Bad Boys

All the news that's fit for bed, served between the sheets. Don't ever say you aren't getting any!

AMERICA, STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER
Techmeme notes a recent study by advertising agency JWT that examines just how antsy Americans feel when separated from their cellphones and computers. As a matter of fact, some of them would rather finger a keyboard instead of their partners. America, listen up: if you're more interested in Twittering than achieving deep emotional intimacy, then at least get off your fat ass and go fuck somebody! (Consensually, of course.) Haven't you ever heard the phrase: use it or lose it? Otherwise, guys, your penis is going to shrink to the size of a raisin and ladies, your vagina will shut down faster than a bilge pump on a sinking boat. [Gaping Void on Twitter]

SEXUAL POSITIONS FOR DUMMIES
Is it any wonder then that a computer application can help us sexually impaired, tech-addicted Americans find bump and grind bliss? After all, it's hard enough to find sexual compatibility -- even on a deserted island without cellphones, computers and (gasp!) wifi. But what if that "island" is a lonely bed in Manhattan? Ah. Imagine that your text-messaging fanatic of a lover barges into the bedroom, looking like he could bounce a quarter off his penis, but you, you're so premenstrual, you just want to lie under him like a bloated whale before raiding the fridge for chocolate. Well, let iVillage's Perfect Position Selector tell you what position to assume. No one has time to read the Kama Sutra nowadays -- it's longer than 140 characters! Note to iVillage: how about a masturbation guide for us single gals? [Truemors]

THE FUCK BOAT
In local news, it's hard to tell who deserves the Darwin award in the following scenario: is it the nightlife entrepreneur pimp who throws a look-but-don't-touch party for drunk, horny dudes? Or the bimbo who uses xanax as a booze-modifying drug? There's nothing funny about sexual assault aboard the Ultimate Party Cruise. Hey, big spender, no means NO, even if she's three sheets to the wind. Read Ashley Harrell's article Wet T-Shirts, Titty Fights and Ugliness at Sea at Miami New Times.

FACEBOOK POSSIBLE PREDATOR HOTBED
Just when you thought it was safe for tweeners to get their social media on ... surprise! Seems like some of the perverts who got the boot from Myspace found a new home at Facebook. Yinka Adegoke at Reuters reports that New York State Attorney Andrew Cuomo's office has subpoenaed Facebook for not doing enough to keep the social networking site sicko-free.

Facebook, get your shit together. How can you complain about breastfeeding mothers when you've got convicted or potential sex offenders prowling about teeny-bopper profiles? For more on the breastfeeding scandal, start with Tere.

tags: facebook, ultimate party cruise, sexual position, ivillage, JWT, sexual dysfunction