Sexcrunch: Looking for Sex in All the Right Spaces

All the news that's fit for bed, served between the sheets. Don't ever say you aren't getting any!

Photo by the fabulous Miami Fever

MORE THAN JUST A PITY FUCK

Sexual Healing, an article by Michael J. Mooney at Broward/Palm Beach New Times touches on the emotional side of sexuality. If you really think about it, how many of us aren't in need of the right healing touch? It's no wonder there is only one certified sexual surrogate in the state of Florida. Most people think of sex as something that's supposed to happen a priori, naturally -- a given. But the truth is, we get degrees in all kinds of vocations and yet very few of us actually practice the art of sex, which should be so deeply integrated into our lives as spiritual beings. Caught up in our daily, stressed out, internet lives, many of us have lost touch. Yes, simply touch. And that's why a full grown man can break down in the most innocuous of circumstances:

He extended his hands to her body. First to her hands and arms, then her shoulders and stomach, and soon her breasts. As his hands moved over Catherine's soapy body, he gulped. His eyes turned glassy. His hands shook. He felt a twisting deep in his chest.

Soon it was too much for him. The merchant marine was overwhelmed by the experience. He began sobbing.

While part of me thinks this would be a really fucked up career choice, I can't help but think this woman is doing a few people a healthy favor.

SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER

Oh yeah, just when you thought getting laid in gravity-laden earth was a challenge, some scientists are worried about astronauts who may be forsaking sex while in orbit. Oh, give me a break! If I'm traveling to Mars, sex is just not going to be a basic human need like water, food and waste disposal. Nevertheless, I applaud the dudes for thinking about the naughty stuff. After all, floating around in closed quarters may make you horny. And I'm sure that someone has done the nasty up in space. Russians? Americans? Anyone?

FOREPLAY IS FOREMOST!

Well, whether you are bound to the planet or flying in the 100-mile club, I do hope you'll make the best of your God-given ability to kiss. Dr. Marty Klein at Empowher talks about the art of kissing. And ya know, he's gotta point! As my favorite sex therapist/philosopher once said: "Women are like crock pots. Go slow."

So, there is something about kissing that is really, really intimate and I think what it is that kissing takes place up here where we think we live as opposed to intercourse taking place down there which we can have some sort of psychological distance from.

Even though Dr. Klein ended his run-on sentence with a preposition (granted, it's a transcription), I must agree, kissing is pretty much a real litmus test of someone's ability to focus on sex. If a guy can't stop and smell the roses for a few minutes -- er, I mean, stop and let his tongue linger in your mouth (or elsewhere) -- without concentrating his mental energy on so many other things, well then, you've got an intimacy issue. Actually, it's true for everyone. The bottom line is that kissing is a good test for ADD. Multitasking in bed only works if you're multitasking for your partner's pleasure. I say, in this case, a kiss isn't just a kiss, but a foretelling of things to come -- or not.

Next time you kiss someone, pay attention to the energy behind the kiss. Is that person really present and kissing you? Don't you just know if they're faking it?

Wii SEX

Maybe the next level substitute for a real human being surrogate is an electronic one. Hey, don't knock it. It might help a few people work through their challenges.