Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Girl Code
It's bad enough when a guy dumps you, but even worse when a girlfriend breaks your heart. You see, if there's something that men do well, it's to fuck up friendships among women. Actually, correction: if there's something that women do well, it's to let men fuck up their friendships.
When I was in high school, my best friend got upset with me after I fell in love for the first time. I stopped paying attention to her because suddenly I was in the throes of young love, acting like a fool, kissing my boyfriend in the back seat of the car, skipping out on roller skating and the movies to be with him, not giving a shit about the rest of the world. She told me as much. She called me on it. I acknowledged her hurt and I balanced my new found love life with a friendship that was every bit as important to me. For the first time in my life, I was challenged by the girl code. Discovering eros, I also discovered the value of agape.
The relationship with my high school sweetheart lasted seven years, well into college. But the friendship is still going strong, 28 years solid, even though she moved to the northeast. She's in my heart; she's part of my life -- a faithful and silent companion even though we don't speak everyday.
Men will come and go but true friendships really do last until death do you part. It makes me wonder: we think nothing of festooning romantic attachments with silver and gold symbols yet we would never wear a ring in honor of loyal friends.
After all, just like married men and women, friends get divorced too. And just like marriage, it starts out right -- two idiots trust each other, open themselves up, make themselves vulnerable -- only to be deeply disappointed when the honeymoon is over and someone decides it's inconvenient. And just like divorce, the friend who betrays does the other one a favor, opening the door to more deserving relationships.
Marriage relies on a code of honor that is often broken and friendships are no different. I broke the girl code with my friend many years ago, but I learned my lesson then. For me, there's nothing higher than the love of faithful friends, except perhaps for the love of family, and even then, I consider my friends to be family, because being single and childless, they fill the gaps in my life and we love and trust each other implicitly. When I've finally met a worthy man who can honor me the same way, I'll know I've hit jackpot.
So now, at the tender age of 42, I'm thinking about the meaning of friendship again.
What does it mean to break the girl code now, when we're all jaded with closets full of skeletons, marriages, divorces, maybe kids, career changes, deaths and illnesses? Ladies, how do we trust friends we give our hearts to, thinking they are safe just because they aren't men?
Well, I'll tell you what I've learned and it's simple. Two words: integrity and honesty. If men and women can take vows, why not friends?
I will never toss you aside like worthless jetsam even if I am horny and desperate. I'll make time to hang out with my gaggle of vaginas even if I haven't had dick forever. I won't give up on special events with girlfriends just because penis has asked me out and will pay for everything. Friends come first and if I want to succumb to my baser instincts, at least I'll be honest about it and you'll respect me for that.
I will never, ever mess with your man. I'd rather have a pussy wax with molten steel than mess with your man. Even if he's your ex, I'll never go out with him without your blessing. Heck, it would never even cross my mind while the body was still warm. Your heart will always be more important to me, no matter how much I want to fuck him. And even if it's not about the sex, I will never go there until I know for sure you've moved on. The heart of a friend is sacred.
If I ever do break the girl code, I'll look you in the face and just own it, and you'll forgive me, because that's what friends do. It aint a pity party, it's a friendship.
Ladies, that's my girl code. What's yours and have you ever broken it? What would you be willing to pledge to a friend?