Thursday, May 14, 2009
Coitus Interruptus on the Beach
Just another lovely morning on South Beach, folks. The kind of postcard image you send home to grandma in Minnesota! This young couple was caught slumbering deeply in a passionate embrace, after not having made it past mid-fuck, it seems. I'm so sure this is what Carl Fisher had in mind when he developed Miami Beach. Who needs a bed when you have sand?
According to the photographer, Maxwelld -- who graciously allowed me to publish the photo here -- the image was captured at 11 am on a Friday sometime earlier this month. I just love the seeming non-chalance of the beach-goers nearby, the carefully placed bra, his sunglasses and the wayward gaze of the lifeguard.
Oh! To have been a fly in the cocoa butter! Good grief, I can understand being passed out on the beach, but this late? Past prime cancer hours? That's seriously fucked up, even by my standards. Hopefully these two slumped back to Club Douche, where happy hour starts in the morning, for some hair of the dog, or at the very least, had some coffee and eggs at News Café, where walk-of-shame breakfasts are made to order. That is to say, if a bum didn't steal their wallets while they were zonked.
Actually, their embrace does look quite loving, in a Romeo and Juliet sort of way, doesn't it? Like they're holding on for dear life or something -- I even feel kind of bad getting all sarcastic about it ... but couples, be warned!
This is a public service announcement: if you choose to even attempt sex on the beach, rest assured that even the most well-meaning and demure photographer, let alone a pervy peeping tom, will not resist the temptation to capture your unconscious ass in morning light. If you don't want your junk and naughty business to end up on the innernets, put your knickers back on and go home before you pass out. And drive safely, of course. Oh, and make sure to toss your condoms in the trash bins.
Or, you know ... you could always get a freakin' room! Actually, that's really what Carl Fisher (and the Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau) would've wanted.
We've seen this before, of course. NSFW.