Saturday, June 19, 2010

South Florida's Wildest Bachelor Celebrates Sixtieth Birthday

I recently paid a visit to Lion Country Safari, courtesy of Dunkin Donuts, to meet a very special guy ...

lancelot giant tortoise at lion country safari
Lancelot, named after the princely seducer of the Arthurian legend, turns 60 on June 26th. The hard-shelled tortoise weighs in at a whopping 750 pounds, but that doesn't stop him from having three girlfriends for a good romp every now and then when he's in the mood and conditions are just right -- just like in a Cialis commercial!

Lancelot has had little luck in making baby tortoises but he still has a few good years ahead of him to do the wild thing. He and an old flame once fertilized some eggs, but they were stolen by raccoons.

Nonetheless, life is good for Lancelot. He's just like Hugh Hefner, an old fart who lives with three babes and still gets laid. Don't laugh! Tortoise sex is serious business!

Not only does Lancelot have "three solid girlfriends," he has a private shed where he keeps cool when it gets too hot. He's cold-blooded, you see, not because he's an insensitive jerk but because his body temperature is the same as the outside. And even though he has a hard shell around him, he's pretty approachable and always listens.

Lancelot eats produce, hay and gets the occasional banana treat, which he loves. Oh and he also loves to have his long, leathery neck rubbed! He can stick that thing out quite far before it retreats and all this without even taking a cold shower!

Lancelot may be a little slow and his swagger may be hardly that of a hare, but remember ladies, it's the long-lasting studs like him that always capture our hearts!

Lion Country Safari wildlife director Terry Wolf has more to say about Lancelot in the video below:

If you think Lion Country Safari is just fun for kids, think twice! Read more about the preserve by yours truly at Miami Beach 411. And check out another post about Lancelot over at Jewel's Fab Life.


Lancelot celebrates his birthday on June 26th at Lion Country Safari. This year is also Dunkin Donuts' 60th anniversary of being in business, so Lancelot will get a special donut at 11 am. Following the celebration, Dunkin Donuts will provide donut decorating for kids beginning at noon (while supplies last).

Between now and June 30, pick up coupons in participating Dunkin Donuts around Palm Beach, Martin, St. Lucie and Indian River counties to receive six free donuts with the purchase of six donuts at the regular half-dozen price. Dunkin Donuts will have coupons in-store for $6 off each person in a vehicle at Lion Country Safari. For more information follow @ddsofla on Twitter.

1 comment:

Three Sexketeers said...

Tortoise sex is like Superman sex...

- Disco