Sunday, August 01, 2010

Broward Woman Goes on Dating Spree

I first heard about Claudia's dating project when an acquaintance told me I should do the same. "Hey, you should do 30 dates in 30 days in Miami," he chatted on Facebook. I replied: "Are you out your mind? That's crazy! What the fuck are you talking about?"

It turns out that 30 Dates in 30 Days is the brainchild of Broward-based Claudia, a Texas via New York transplant who wants to explore the treacherous waters of dating on the eve of her thirtieth birthday. Yeah, you heard it right: the goal is to cram thirty dates into the month of August, starting today, on the 1st. She's not necessarily looking to bang out thirty dates with thirty different men, mind you, but it's still a whopper of a social experiment! Speed dating on steroids. Boot camp with a chance of booty.

claudia of see claudia date I knew I just had to meet the woman behind this project. It's Claudia, a lovely, friendly and easy-going gal I had the pleasure of sharing a couple of pints with in Fort Lauderdale last week. As with so many women I know, her looks and personality beg the universal question: "How can someone so pretty and nice not have a date?"

Claudia's stance on relationships is not that of a desperate, needy chick. Some ladies are serial daters because they're very insecure; heaven forbid they should spend a moment alone. Claudia didn't come across like that. And before you say she's doing this because she's an attention whore, think again! I've even met married women who are the biggest drama queens -- consummate cock blockers with no consideration for us single sisters. Claudia didn't come across like that either. She seemed content, like someone reaching a milestone who probably just wants to push the envelope of fate a little. And I do feel for her: when you're a confident woman with a conscience that extends beyond your vagina, it's even harder to find a good man in South Florida. It's the bimbos who easily score dates and Claudia is no bimbo.

Being a jaded South Floridian, I thought I'd give Claudia twelve tips for dating in the nation's dicktip.

1) One of Claudia's challenges is even scheduling thirty dates. Why not try checking in to Foursquare and seeing who's hanging out at all the bail bond shops on Andrews Avenue?

2) If he says he's taking you to the Everglades on a first date, run. Or bring bottled water, a compass and machete.

3) For extra protection, stop by a botanica in Hialeah for holy water and a Horatio Cane amulet.

4) Don't say you're a transplant; he might be after your kidney.

5) In Florida, an Ed Hardy shirt automatically means douchebag. When in doubt, shake his hand and check for tanning spray residue.

6) Make sure the only white powder on the table is salt.

7) And speaking of white powder, only meet in public places. This does not include the bathroom stalls at Yolo's.

8) South Florida is full of nursing homes, but they're not just for the elderly! Make sure he's not a pansy who needs nursing and frequent manicures.

9) Don't meet up at the same place on Las Olas every day. Cops will start to think you're a hooker.

10) Don't confuse "rum runner" with "drug runner" ... the former is a drink and the latter comes with a speedboat bigger than his house but only slightly smaller than his ego.

11) Broward County Clerk of Courts case search is your best friend! "So you have fifty speeding tickets" makes for a great ice breaker at the dinner table.

12) If he complains about you sharing your dating adventures in the public eye, tell him that "personal branding" is a fetish club in Dania.

Soon enough, Claudia will learn what it means to date South Florida style. It's just like hurricane season: hope for the best, but expect the worse.

Claudia is boldly going where few South Florida women have gone before! It would probably be easier to navigate all 300 miles of Fort Lauderdale's waterways on a paddleboard ... without a paddle. Sex and the Beach admires her courage and chutzpah!

Follow her adventure on See Claudia Date or on Twitter @seeclaudiadate. Sex and the Beach will do a follow up interview after date number thirty.


Blanca Stella said...

Omg..Maria, you are hilarious! Can't wait to see if there is at least 1 diamond in those 30 dates.

Three Sexketeers said...

If only you had a Toronto version of this list...

- Disco

Maria de los Angeles said...

I forgot to post this bonus tip!

"The Florida panther is endangered. The Florida cougar is not. Watch out for the latter, it purrs before spraying your date."

Nessy said...

lol, you are too much :)

You forgot to mention Blue Martini Viejo-Infatuation stories ...and nonetheless Say NO to Queefups!