Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Crimes against womanity. My ex-boyfriend: guilty of commiting, HUH? Guilty of commiting WHAT? That man couldn't commit to anything!!! Except to his own wandering dick (read: that apparatus you use to detect metal objects on the sand, aka, wandering pussy detector) and farting while sleeping ... he used to put a lumbar pillow between our bodies and call it a "fart wall." Hey, the Berlin Wall was easier to topple down, but not the gas he used to put between us ... communist regimes aside, how pathetic is the memory of the former love of my life farting in my general direction? Could this be the title of the next popular love song? "The gas between us ... ?"
And here I was worried about love, life, children and all kinds of serious things that deeply spiritual people lose sleep over, and all I got was a product from his digestive tract that you could use to reinforce your hairspray if you were going for the stiff punk look!!! And, I kid you not, this man was a prestigious professional international journalist in his mid-forties, but (sigh) boys will be boys. Yes, even Manola B. has a bad heart day ... very beyond the curative powers of Zoloft!!!