Friday, June 23, 2006

Breaking News! Love Hurts!

Manola News, Miami Beach, June 23, 2006 - IT'S OFFICIAL: THE HEART BEATS FOR LOVE! Manola 180, ever the short-sighted, uninvestigative and misinformed reporter, tuned into CNN this morning to see if the Sears Tower located just a stone's throw from her headquarters on Miami Beach had been blown to smithereens by suspected terrorists.

But ladies and gentleman, instead, Manola 180 received a friendly reminder from Dr. Suck Mygupta -- as originally reported on Panderson Pooper 360 -- that love hurts.

doctor holding xray


In recent years, medical researchers, doctors and scientists seem to have come to the uranimous conclusion that grief over lost love, either by death or jilting, can cause "acute stress cardiomyopathy," even though French troubadors discovered "mon coeur est ouch" centuries ago.

The condition mimics a heart attack; symptoms include chest pain and breathlessness. In the case of jilting, additional symptoms include the desire to throw all his clothes out the balcony in the manner of Italian movies, which is easy in Italy, as clothes are hung out to dry on the balcony anyway.

Some experts disagree about the reversability of broken heart syndrome. Joey Ramone, an expert observer in the field of rock and roll, has often reminded us that "love kills."

be still my heart

For those of you who have yet to have your heart broken, here's Joey.

Do take care of your heart. A Hearty Life covers the latest news related to that most precious of organs.


mkh said...

Could there actually be people old enough to read this site with intact hearts? At this point, my own pump is held together with duct tape and industrial staples, and still leaks and stutters.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

A broken heart, eh?? Funny, lost love usually just gives me explosive diarrhea.

Hsien-Hsien Lei, PhD said...

Manola, you crack me up! Featured you at A Hearty Life.

Heart-to-Heart #13

Manola Blablablanik said...

Thank you, Hsien-Hsien! Laughter is, after all the best medicine!