Today is Independence Day and citizen Manola wishes to examine why a bunch of powder-wigs in the 18th century gathered 'round a cramped, candle-lit room to sign their John Handcocks in the name of something known as liberty and -- unknown to them at the time -- the right to fuckin' order a fuckin' Philly Cheesesteak sandwich in the language of your choice, or let them fuckin' eat fuckin' Spam, God fuckin' damn it!
WE THE PEOPLE of the republic of Manola do hereby declare that all humans with sexual organs and half a brain have the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of sexiness, because [insert deity here] only knows that the ownership of property AND the practice of propriety are simply out of the question on Miami Beach!
In the spirit of our founding fathers and their hand-to-cock nation-building, Manola proposes the following amendments to the constitution:
The right to wear sexy sandals OR sensible shoes. It's not the shoes -- it's the woman who wears them.
The right to speak your mind, even when no one is minding what you speak.
The right to break your diet because your personal flab club is better than a fan club of strangers.
The right to cry yourself for real rather than cry wolf for someone else.
The right to follow your heart's desire even when you can't put your finger on it.
The right to know life can't be airbrushed and still love it, stretch marks and all.
The right to always be out of step with fashion and ahead of your time.
The right to dream on sleepless nights and sleep on dreamless days.
The right to feel your sexiest just at the moment when you wipe the makeup off and kick those sling-backs off your dog-tired feet.
The right to say no and the right to say yes.
Celebrate your threatened personal freedoms while they last! And most importantly, make some fireworks in the bedroom! It's not just the birth of this grand nation you'll be celebrating but the liberation of Manola!
of thee I rock on!
It was twenty years ago today, that Manola went out to play, she's been going in out of style, but she's guaranteed to raise a smile, so let may I introduce you to the one and only day that she lost her God damn virginity!
What would you do if sang out of tune?