Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Manola's Mango Snapper

sex and the beach mango season

July marks the beginning of the doldrums in South Florida, interrupted only by wild afternoon thunderstorms and the snoring of men who go into hibernation, because football, basketball and hockey are out of season, and baseball is as snooze-inducing as a rise in the barometer. And this year, with the World Cup frenzy just about to go flat like Miller Lite on a hot day, we can expect our lads to go into a two-week coma.

But July is also the most sensual of months, nay, a veritable blooming orgy of the most succulent fruit in the tropics: the mango. Ladies, why not entice your favorite ball-and-chain-turned-zombie out of his sweat-soaked hammock with this tasty delight? Remember: once they start playing with balls other than their own, the mangoes will be out of season ... and so will the sex!

And you know what that means: yet another year of thinking about Colin Farrell's penis!

Even if you're life doesn't involve the above sports widow scenario, Manola strongly encourages anyone with a love for the true fruit of paradise to try this simple, yet tasty dish!

(Yes, it's fattening, rich and that's the point: you don't eat it everyday. So what? You want low-fat sex? Here's the skinny: if that's what you like, I've got a recipe for cardboard and a case of club soda just for you, baby.)

Snapper in Spicy Mango Cream Sauce

2 thick fillets fresh snapper, preferably mutton
1 large ripe, fragrant mango, flesh puréed
whipping cream
unsalted butter
ground cayenne pepper
fresh lemon juice

First, dredge the fish: dip the fillets in lemon juice, then flour, pat off excess and set aside. Melt butter over low heat in a pan large enough to accommodate fillets. Once melted, place fillets in pan. Flip over after a few minutes and cook until done. Make sure butter never burns. Slow and warm is better than quick and hot, baby. How to tell? The flesh should go from translucent to white, without flaking off, slightly perky to the touch. Ooooh, perky, yes! We like that! Set aside and keep warm in oven on low.

At this point, your man may have awakened from his coma and will be trying to put a bun in YOUR oven. Discourage him. A shit, shower and shave is absolutely necessary or he will never be presentable for dinner.

Add mango purée, whipping cream, cayenne, salt to pan. Simmer on low until thickened, stirring slowly.

Plate fillet and pour sauce over fish. Garnish with chopped cilantro.


In a brandy snifter, add Barbancourt Rum, mango slices, fresh ground cinammon and nutmeg and let stand covered for at least one hour. Remove all clothing and feed mango slices into each other's mouths.

The rest is up to you ... Manola can only conjure so much!

Special thanks to an old friend for clarifying the specific dates of the man-zombie schedule.


You see Al? Cubanita cooking isn't so bad: you might even like this dessert with a cigar!


Mighty Dyckerson said...

The flesh should go from translucent to white, without flaking off, slightly perky to the touch.

Are you talking about my penis...or Colin's??

Steve Klotz said...

Four fishermen went out on a boat with a hot babe.
The four returned to port with nothing to show for the day,
but she came back with a red snapper.

Al Capone said...

I even would wear a Guayabera for that ...

Spill The Beans said...

omg, that sounds wonderful!