Sunday, July 23, 2006

Vamos a Miami Contest

Vamos a Miami Contest

In the spirit of democracy and freedom of speech, Sex and the Beach is proud to announce its first writing contest ever! Let's tell our children what life is really like in Greater Miami and the Beaches!

Help us get this book banned before it even hits the shelves!


1. Entries must be brief -- no longer 50 words! If you send an entry as big or bigger than Colin Farrell's penis, it will automatically be disqualified!

2. Prose style must be naive, as if written for some young, impressionable pansy, but the underlying satire must be saw-toothed, with cojones. Most importantly, it must make readers laugh their asses off, so that we end up with a quick and easy butt-reduction exercise plan.

3. Topics range from government, politics, education, transportation, fashion, food and entertainment.

4. Please submit your entires in the comments section.


Runner-ups -- as chosen by an impartial panel of judges headed by the illustrious Dr. Annie Steelclit -- will be featured in final publication!

The grand prize winner will receive a mind-altering blow job from Manola a lifetime supply of deposit slips to Manola's checking account!


Contest open to all creatures great and small who either live in or are familiar with the South Florida area, regardless of political and or sexual orientation, except for employees of Manola, Inc. which rules out Colin Farrell, which is just as well, as we'd rather have him in the kitchen baking Shepard's wearing nothing more than an apron.

Although we prefer to focus on Miami Beach, we realize that we are still connected to the mainland by a slim thread of reality several causeways. So you folks from yonder in the tri-county area, don't be shy!


None E. Moose said...

Sure, why not...

"Miami is the “Gateway to Latin America.” The actual gateway is believed to be the Broward county line. A “county line” is an imaginary line. It means you are better than people on the other side. If enough people on the same side believe they are better, property values increase."

I count 50. Since Colin is the, ahem, yardstick, is this a hard or soft word limit?

Manola Blablablanik said...

Thank you! We are honored to have you, None E. Moose, as the first entry!

We are not sure how many words Colin Farrell's penis is, but our team is hard at work finding the answer.

The Anonymous Girl said...

What tourists they don't know is that the "fever" they experience when they visit Miami is actually an airborne disease that has stripped the general population of their sense of decency, shame, and intellectual capacities.You can always tell when a male has contracted this disease because he has mistaken grinding his groin into your thigh for a casual hello. The ill women are identified by their delusions of supermodel, which they think means they can squeeze their dimply asses or bulging guts into less cloth than it takes to bandage a small wound.

Vaccinations are available at your local doctor's office. Protect yourself before you wreck yourself.

(I know it's more than 50 words, but it probably matches Colin's penis more closely)

Boli-Nica said...

Is Frankie B, running for office in this one as well?

Boli-Nica said...

hot mami's at the beach, check out the cool club kids at South Beach, traffic sucks, everyone works in real estate, Venezuelans spend lots of money, my car payment is bigger than yours, the only book at most peoples reading level gets banned.

Manola Blablablanik said...

Boli, Anonymous and None ... thanks for your entries! Kids, keep 'em coming!