Thursday, April 26, 2007

Planet Manola: Jealous Bitch!

Random news, commentary and photographs. Updated at least once every menstrual cycle, if not more frequently.

33139 is a culturally sophisticated neighborhood, look it: little red riding ho and bladder bro piss the night away in mojitoville!


zOMG! I got my first hate comment! So exciting! You know, you're not famous until someone hates you, so I guess Manola is honest-to-goodness famous now. And you know what? Since Manola is the semi-fictional fabricated voice of a persona created by the author of this blog with the intention of producing humorous yet thoughtful content, it really doesn't matter a rodent's rump what anyone who hasn't bothered to read all 207 posts thinks.

Ah ha! How exciting is it to be labeled as a vapid celebrity-mongering bimbo when your author is a professional wily wordsmith who doesn't give a shit about Miami?

Yeah, buildings, schmildings! Why would an award-winning published poet and rogue cartoonist who practices yoga give a shit about her community? Well, as Paris Hilton would say, "that's so hot!"

zOMG but wait, somebody's paying Manola to blog about crap! Yeah, that's right! She couldn't possibly be serious, could she? She gets paid to write!


And what's more, who cares about anyone's sour grapes when you hold top Googlegasms for monster clitoris? That's 1OOK page loads for the most random search engine requests like "ay papi" and "shit stain thong" in less than six months!

Because you know, returning visitors don't nearly excite my IP as much as you random sicko psycho fuckheads who land here as a result of your pornographic proclivities. Seriously, I write for no reason at all! Let the great bunghole vacuum of inane literature live long and persist! Let me never publish a serious word that could possibly be redeeming to another human being again! I shall wallow in my B CUP BOOBS and lusty vocabulary for all time! Oh my! Oh my!

(Seriously, Coconut Grove Grapevine is my favorite blog about one of my favorite places on earth. Rock on, CGG! Also on the neighborhood watchdog radar: Verticus, Transit, Boom or Bust and of course, SToP as well as CM. Oh and let me not forget that special someone who gives a shit and talks it too. Ay papi! I wish I could channel Charo right now. Que rico all those Miami blogs and many others not mentioned here besides!)


The fabulous Commission On The Status of Women (PDF) held a peaceful march on Lincoln Road this past Tuesday. Manola -- who clearly only cares about celebrities kissing on the beach -- sported a fugly red blouse, marched on and conversed with commissioner Matti Herrera-Bower. Did you know competent, intelligent women are still being jilted out of fair salaries? What's more: Latinas and black women get slashed just because! Pissed off enough yet? I am and I don't even work at a rock pile!


zOMG! Move over Manolo Blahniks, Twitter is the new twat, trust me. Look it, if you're reading this, you're already sucked into web 2.0, so take it to the next level! Get Twitter'd NOW!

Piss photograph courtesy of the fantastic Chuck meister photographer of my dreams! Commissioner Matti captured by locarbhiflavor.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Let's get together. email me at