Saturday, May 19, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: SEX SELLS!



Attention perverts! YOU WIN! Some genius folks who study the obvious have made it official: there are a bunch of fucking sickos out there who really use teh innernets! Woo-hoo! That's a brilliant, earth-shattering, paradigm-shifting realization: SEX SELLS BECAUSE PEOPLE LOVE SEX! ORLLY?

Maybe President Hairy Twat is right! 89% of all pornography is produced in the US, so there really is more than one "internets," if you think about it! OURS and THEIRS! God Bless HOmerica: the only hypocritically Puritanical nation that expresses moral outrage about the word HO and yet produces more porn and insulting lyrics than any other country on the planet!

These are amazing statistics, considering that Miami is home to Bang Brothers and other successful pornographers! Geez and I thought Miami is a totally back-assward Third World Country! My, how do we even think about sex in Miami when we are all a bunch of yahoos who fry bananas and talk funny compared to our highly intelligent, cultured and clearly superior purebred countrymen in Colorado? Oh, the humanity! It brings me to tears!

Oh and that reminds me, since porn is banned in Saudi Arabia, that explains why free sex videos staring a fat lazy mexican with bad skin jacked up teef and messy hair! is the most popular blog post EVAR! WARNING: SLOW LOAD. Fanless has 1,370 comments to date!

I don't even want to discuss how ironic it is that we are bringing democracy and not porn to the Middle East! WTF? Porn is our natural resource. Oil is theirs. Give the people what they want! PORN FOR OIL!

OK, enough about politics. Sex 101 Quiz: if you swallow after giving the Jolly Green Giant a blowjob, do you get your daily recommended serving of vegetables? Is skirt steak vagina a low-carb meal? Can an iron dildo also be used to mash potatoes? Is "Hunk in a Loincloth" the same as pigs-in-a-blanket?



-- Internet study video via Brian Breslin's Twitter via Techcrunch. Hey, pimp-out Twitbin!

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2 comments:

Yvette said...

LOL! Porn for oil! I might have to have some tee shirts made...

Stephanie Q said...

What on earth would so many people be looking up "monster clitoris?" Yikes! ...Actually, thinking deeper, we can just keep that a mystery.