Antonio Bandeja Crashes Chevy Pizza Crawl!

Hey everybody! Meet my new boyfriend, Antonio Bandeja. I met him on eHarmony, because as you can see, it's painfully obvious he's scientifically proven to be the perfect fit for me! Antonio smells a bit pungent and tends to sweat; however, he's rock solid loyal. What's more, he doesn't talk and isn't medicated -- what two great qualities in a man! Ladies, I dare you to resist the seductive gaze and beaming smile of Antonio!

Yesterday, Antonio made his public debut at Chevy Pizza Crawl 3 in Miami-Dade, where we hung out with 2o other lucky bastards who got to drive Chevrolets and gorge on pizza all day long. After meeting at Tropical Chevrolet in Miami Shores, we stopped at Andiamo (Biscayne Corridor) Pizza Volante (Design District), Fratelli La Bufala (South Beach), The Big Cheese (South Miami) and Spris (Coral Gables).

Antonio loved the pizza at Andiamo, though he wasn't too happy to see where some of his cousins ended up.

Our favorite pizza was at Andiamo because it was the most flavorful with big chunks of sweet, delicious roasted tomato and fragrant, fresh basil. The goat cheese and portobella mushroom pizza with caramelized onions burst with perfectly blended flavors and made our tongues sing.

Pizza Volante didn't live up to its usual quality and the antipasti platter, while overflowing with prosciutto, olives, marinated artichokes, cherry tomatoes and mozzarella over crisp romaine, could've used some dressing.

Fratelli's signature dough was a bit too chewy (it's supposed to be that way), but the melt-in-your-mouth buffalo mozzarella was divine, especially on the Genuina pie. Platters of gorgeous seasonal vegetables on a deli counter window made us want to come back and sample more of Fratelli's menu. The staff aint bad to look at, either.

Two hot Italians at Fratelli La Bufala. Ladies, which one would you choose? The one on the left is evidently well hung, but the one on the right can cook.

We were too stuffed to even try Big Cheese, but managed to sample a few pieces of pie at Spris, which came in as our second favorite for its simple flavor and thin crust. That's saying a lot after a long day that ended with jaded palettes saturated with cheese, cured meats and dough.

It's just amazing how different pizza can taste from one place to another, which just goes to show what we've always known about men: no two salamis are ever the same.

I was so busy making out with Antonio in the back seat of the roomy Chevy SUVs, that I almost forgot to drive! The Chevy Traverse has personal TV screens for backseat passengers, which Antonio loved because he could watch some salami porn.

Luckily, I managed to get behind the steering wheel of the Malibu with Antonio next to me in the cup holder. I gave some folks the scenic tour through Coral Gables, passing by the Biltmore Hotel and Venetian pool. The ride was extremely smooth and comfortable -- which we all needed after popping a button or two on the way to our last stop at Spris.

Antonio so charmed everyone at the pizza crawl, even the guys couldn't resist giving him head! He also won the award for funniest tweet.