Ya know, you're like ready to go to bed on a typical, hum drum (yawn!) school night, tired as shit, just tidying up a bit, wearing your feather boa, a see-through chiffon robe and those cheap Manolo Blahnik imitation Made-In-China plastic shoes you brought at that ho-bag $19.99 store on the corner of Washington Avenue and 16th street.
Yes, business as usual.
Not a gator is stirring but the dildo is warming up nicely bedside in its velvet case, batteries charging and -- SUDDENLY -- your fucking dishwasher decides to have a QUOTE UNQUOTE moment.
Yes, your fucking QUOTE UNQUOTE dishwasher -- for the second time EVER since you've been abusing it on a nearly bi-weekly basis -- decides to spew forth copious weird suds.
What are you trying to tell me, dishwasher? Yes, what is it exactly that you are trying to tell me, dishwasher?
First of all, I have fallen on my ass so many times by now trying to negotiate all this foam that the battle wounds may seriously jeopardize my career as PREMIER CUBAN ASS.
Laugh, dishwasher. Yes, laugh. I hear your cynical gaffaw echoing in the distance, like peals of thunder on a Miami summer afternoon. Ha! But I am going to stare you down! Yes, I am going to stare your slippery egg yolk washed meringue self down with Edward James Olmos eyes! Ha! What, you think I'm Possum Hilton, showing off ass goiter? I don't think so. This is one fine undefeatable, indefatigable Cuban ass! Masa limpia y de primera!
But what are you really trying to tell me, dishwasher? Why are you throwing slippery foam at me?
If this moment were a high school Beatles/Pink Floyd/Rocky Horror/Led Zeppelin/Ramones/Sex Pistols (whew, slow down, filly!) moment, would you be the sperm telling me my biological clock is ticking or the hypoallergenic can of spermicide/hairspray telling me I'm too old to have babies but that my hair could use a little spritz?
Alas, I've had enough foam to last me a lifetime. Anyone for a slice of Manola foam cake or -- worst case scenario -- a bit of Havana Ass?
celebrate anything you want
And you better celebrate whatever that is what you want!