Sunday, December 02, 2007

Beauty and the Bush

The reason why King Arthur worked for the Romans and defeated the Saxons is because Clive Owen is really hot and the ladies waxed their pussy hair! And you thought Magna Carta was all about democracy! Little did you know ...

"I believe that Condoleeza Rice does not shave, but I believe that Hillary will."

"Cleopatra slept with the entire Roman Legion but at least one of them looked like Russel Crowe!"

"My vagina is the size of a football field. Trim one hair at a time, honey."

OK, seriously, I am talking to my friend DearYvette on the phone right now about the virtues and vices of excessive (or as I would say -- "natural" --) pubic hair growth. Apparently, I am a total barbarian, because I believe in the beauty of the bush. And a handful of fellas whom have woken up this sleeping beauty through the thicket, may have agreed -- although no third parties are willing to corroborate.

Even though DearYvette says that the fur bikini is a thing of the past, I must say that when we come into the next ice age, this is what will keep my hoochie and progeny warm. You waxed up girl, yes you: you will be using the wax from that candle just to keep the water coming in from the damn. (Because we're all going to die from global warming, don't ya know?)

You see? Maybe the reason why the planet is warming is because all these hair-fearing women are creating excessive heat from burning wax to shave their pussies! Think about it: there are like hundreds of bazillion active pussies in the world right now!!! You are creating major carbon points just to keep the lawn trimmed!!! Al Gore, hello? This is clear as mud! Why don't you see the pussy from the bush?

Have you shaved the kitty lately? Have you cut the rug? Come on, admit it. I have always thought that a perfectly glammed-up vagina looks like a pre-pubescent plucked chicken. Troy and Christian from Nip/Tuck, what do you think about that?

It is well known in the universe of Manola's garden that a smooth green lawn in a lovely British cottage with tea is a nice, but however, an overgrown tropical rainforest is always out of control. I'm all for a life of moderation ... tucked away, but a little plush.

But plucked chicken and bleached butt?

Excessive, too much vanity my friends! Even though the sun don't shine in there, I don't want your genitals to shine brighter than the sun!

Could OMG there be possibly a little somethin' somethin' left to be desired? Which in sex talk translates to: "could your asshole please harbor a little obscurity?"

What do you think? How has social media influenced your personal groin grooming habits? How has "easy access" influenced your sense of what's erotic?

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Salome's Mom said...

Manola this is a topic that I had not given serious consideration. See what happens when you are married? I have always been ahead of the times and now I guess I am with the times. I knew, very early on that a completely plucked chicken would some day rule over the bush babies. However, this look is painful to maintain, a lot of wax has been sacrificed.

As always you are in the pulse of the community.

Verticus S. Erectus said...

Manola, from an aesthetic point-of-view, less is more. Your bush-- every bush-- can become more "arty" with just a little personal maintenance. Your "football field sized hootchie" on the other hand may take a little more effort. Perhaps, even, a trip to the doctor. I hear they can do wonders.

C.L. Jahn said...

Frankly, some of us appreciate the fur bikini. As much fun as the slickness of current aesthetic practices are, as a man I want to know that I'm dealing with the hoochie of a woman, and not pre-pubescent jailbait.

Besides, I suspect I probably have more hair on one clavicle than any woman could have on her entire hoochie. And I know what it takes to keep my shoulders from resembling the pelt of some game animal; if a woman's hoochie is more or less contained by her panties, I say it's well-trimmed.

Leave a man a little wilderness to explore; there are too few frontiers left in this world, and a real man shouldn't shy away from an opportunity to get lost in a minor jungle in the search for hidden treasure.

I now require a very, very, cold shower....

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