Friday, March 21, 2008

Sexcrunch: If These Holes Could Talk

All the news that's fit for bed, served between the sheets. Don't ever say you aren't getting any!

club madonna miami photo by ade peeverYay! Miami has sexist clubs! To see some real hardcore pussy, scroll down. Photo by Ade Peever.

These Butts Were Made for Walkin' ...

... well, sort of. A pensioner in Germany went in for leg surgery and got a refurbished bunghole instead. Clearly, someone at that hospital wasn't anal retentive enough about surgery scheduling, so our medical correspondent Dr. Suckmy Gupta just had to get to the bottom of this case. In an exclusive interview, he asked surgeon Herr Doktor Feindass if he knew the difference between chronic incontinence and incompetence. "Well, the old woman's sphincter was loose and a little worn around the edges," said Herr Doktor Feindass. "Face-to-face with a fresh, tight anus, I would've known right away that she was the wrong patient."

Apparently, Herr Doktor Feindass hasn't looked in a mirror lately! With that kind of medical care, I suppose we should be grateful there are only so many orifices on the human body!

As for the patient, she was feeling very uptight. "I'd just like to get my leg fixed, " she told Dr. Gupta. "I want to leave it all behind me."

Interestingly, on South Beach getting a tight new sphincter might be called a fortuitous event, followed (of course) by a fresh application of anal bleach. [Via Fox News]

Miami Mental Cases Get Purrfect Help

Speaking of medics, Miami New Times' sex and relationships advice blogger Magic City Kitty has been meowing some sense into the addled brains of our local lovelorn. Dr. Annie Steelclit, Sex and the Beach's own resident sex and relationships expert -- whose lifelong mission has been to get Bill Gates laid -- recently reviewed Kitty's refreshing, no-nonsense posts. "Kitty's choice words and sharp wit could make a sailor cry," explained the eminent therapist. "What's more, read the hilarious questions; this alone is extremely therapeutic. Once you realize how emotionally fucked up and sexually depraved your fellow Miamians really are, you feel a lot better about your own humble hang ups."

To Clit or Not to Clit

And speaking of pussies ...

"Women who experience vaginal orgasms may have thicker tissue between their urethra and vagina, which could be the G-Spot.", I told you you'd find hardcore pussy if you scrolled down!

We like technology -- especially technology the sole purpose of which is to help us women get our freak on. An interesting article at New Scientist covers a study that examined the presence or lack of a G-Spot in women's urethrovaginal space. The holy grail of vaginal orgasms is apparently hard to find with or without some proto-British king pounding his Excalibur into you!

Imagine the day when you can take a simple OTC home test to find out if you're down one clit, one g-spot to go. Results negative? Then imagine the ensuing conversation: "Well, honey, (sob) now you don't have to try so hard (sob) ... I'm missing a G-Spot."

I don't know about you, but I think I'd rather keep 'em guessing!

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Anonymous said...

"Women who experience vaginal orgasms may have thicker tissue between their urethra and vagina, which could be the G-Spot."

Once I was at the gynecologist cause I was feeling small pain under the abdominal area. The doctor three or four times mentioned something like "ok, here is the is Greta". Then I understood that Greta and G were synonyms for the G spot. It is not hard for me to find it ever since:)

M.C. Kitty said...

Hiiii Manola! Thanks for the love...and thanks for reading! I'm hoping that you don't solve all of Miami's sex problems...then who'll have questions for me?!?!