Friday, February 10, 2006

Big Pink

"Dear Manola 180: My boyfriend complains about my extra-large, over-lubricated vagina. What should I do?


Ms. Too Big To Be Bothered"

Manola 180 has heard it all. Yes, ALL. To hell with this pusillanimous excuse of man who's complaining about the generous largesse of your hole.

Girlfriend, after you leave him, find yourself a man with a big dick. You're not the one with the SHORTCOMINGS ... your boyfriend is the one with the SHORT END OF THE STICK.

Find yourself a man to fulfill every inch of your juicy, wet and abundant jungle of womanhood. Get that tape measure. Size does matter, doesn't it? As in girth and width?

Sex needs to be tasty and nutritious. Instead of sleeping with this "meat oaf," go try the meatloaf at Big Pink in HoBe, after you've had a few cocktails at Ted's Hideaway around the corner.

As far as revenge, think dead horse, Godfather style. Send his next "aperture" challenged girlfriend a 20" PVC pipe stuffed with sweetbread.

Good luck.

Manola 180

1 comment:

recovered comments said...

n said...
Oh God... I've not laughed so hard in ages.

"Oh baby, you feel so wet... IM SO TURNED OFF. I'M LEAVING!"
2:18 PM

anonymous said...
actually, you're on to something here... for best results, a guy's organ has to be the rigth size relative to the girl's organ. Too big is just as much as a problem as too small; i've been on both sides of this problem, and it's very real (and sad when everything else in the relationship works).
11:18 AM

manola blablablanik said...
Oh, dear readers, now you're getting all serious on Manola!

Yes, it's sad, but true. At some point in life, we have to decide if we're willing to settle for less than perfect. The perfect "fit" does not always the perfect partner make. These challenges happen for a reason. Relationships are nothing more than opportunities to evolve and learn about ourselves.

The real story behind this post is actually quite disturbing, involving a man who couldn't see the forest from the trees. He also couldn't see the woman from the vagina. Using phrases like "fix the pussy" was practically abusive. Our egos are often wrapped up in our genitals, our sex appeal and self-esteem. Never, ever insult someone's genitals. Just leave gracefully and respectfully.
11:38 AM

anonymous said...
Hilarious! The post, not the story behind it. It's a good thing you brought this up because size does matter.

There have been times when I wanted to scream "You're just too small, motherfucker!" But, alas, I will follow Manola's wise advice and keep it respectful if it ever, er, comes up again.

(Yipes! Another anonymous. I'm still debating the name change for this very reason...)
12:27 PM