If your erection last for more than four minutes, consider yourself lucky. But if it lasts a lifetime, as in these ads posted in a local rag -- abridged and edited for modesty, trust me -- seek some help! Your sexual proclivities may be kinky, but your writing skills are fodder for Manola B!
1. FOUL PLAY
"Hey ladies I am a a** obsessed guy that all I want to do is masturbate while smelling your a**. If you are into this please respond"
Manola says: Who is into this? WHAT is this called? Is this the new safe sex?
2. THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CIRCUMCISED
"cannibal - wanted ... a man or woman to eat my foreskin off of me . women nows your chance to get evan if you like fresh meat hollar back"
Manola says: Oy vay, Harvey! What? Did the rabbi not perform a bris when you were a child already?
3. BLACK BEANS AND HOOCHIE MAMA
"Young Cuban who Loves to Eat!!!!"
Manola says: Duh ... so redundant!
4. WHERE'S THE BEEF?
"Horse hung men look no further ... discreet real man here into girth and thickness. . . . Beefy type here and not into skinny types"
Manola says: Talk about rawhide, lonesome cowboy! Move to Texas, state of big ass steaks!
5. BLOWING BUBBLES
"WET HOLE 4 Divorced or Horny Man ... Im ** yrs . . . beautiful bubble butt."
Manola asks: What is a bubble butt?
6. DICK OF DARKNESS
"Black is not just a job It's an ADventure... Is the slogan If I were a wine I would be a Cabernet Savignon, I need to be drank by a fine lady who appreciates and loves a darker body I am a ... tall dark and depending on the beholder moderately to charmingly handsome"
Manola says: Now THAT is a good one!
7. THE PERFECT MAN
"Ladies, Are Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places?
Tired of all the BS men say to get you to bed? I have to admit we do say some terrible unromantic things. I am a romantic at heart and a softie. I don't rush and my only goal is to see a woman satisfied. I am a ** year old, mature, patient male who seeks only a woman's satisfaction. . . . I am here to listen to your needs, physical or emotional, with no strings attached.... great sense of humor, soft hands, college grad, and able to converse on many subjects. I will not bore you; in or out of bed. Take a chance. Life's too short."
Manola says: Of course, he's married!