Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Desperate Househussy

"Dear Manola 180,

Greetings from Tallahussy, Florida! I am a chubby married woman with two children and I don't even bother shaving my twat. Why is it that both my husband and lover tell me that they get more turned on thinking of me instead of looking at porn? Is this a compliment?"

Yours truly,

Mrs. LS Cool Babe"

Dear Mrs. LS Cool Babe,

Manola 180 is aghast. Girlfriend, if you were living in HoBe, law enforcement would fine you for not having a Brazilian Wax. Twat inspectors regularly stop pedestrians in mini-skirts to make sure that outer genitals look like plucked poultry. Just think about it: one dollar per stubble, two dollars for razor bumps and three dollars for each ingrown hair.

As well, if you lived in HoBe, your husband would've left you for your lover because you're some goddess, a rarity around here -- a chubby, hairy woman with celullite, amazing self-confidence and stratospheric self-esteem who doesn't give a shit if the rest of her species is walking around like plastic cunts on heels: botox lips, silicon tits and batteries included!

Not only is Manola 180 aghast, she resents the fact that you are married and are privy to the sexual attention of the only two unperverted men on the planet. How'd you manage this fait accompli?

Well, here at Manola 180 we only strive to provide the finest, most skewed, biased and unprofessional advice. As always, before proceeding to take counsel from a certified quack such as Manola, make sure you don't consult your physician.

For most married men, browsing porn is a solitary activity that usually takes place on the crapper. I'm not surprised that your husband and lover are excited about the prospect of touching a voluptuous hoochie mama such as Mrs. LS Cool Babe.

man reading on toilet

Our medical correspondent, Doctor Suck Mygupta, is somewhat concerned, however, about the fact that you are cheating on your husband. Does he know about your extra-marital curriculum? Marriage is a sacred contract between two individuals. Review the terms of your contract. Does it mention infidelity? Are you really that desperate or simply settling into a dysfunctional routine?

Good luck!

Manola 180

1 comment:

recovered comments said...

Trouble in Shangri La said...
You mean there is more than one hussy in my town? Who knew?
1:04 PM