Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Sexcrunch: Holy Sex! Plus, Wanking Off For A Good Cause

All the news that's fit for bed, served between the sheets. Don't ever say you aren't getting any!

father alberto cutie god bless him

Oops! The handsome and dashing Father Alberto CutiƩ, a local "celebrity" priest, was caught by paparrazi in flagrante with an adult female lover. Why didn't anyone smell this coming a mile away? For Christ's sake, look at the man! Even my old Cuban mother lusts after him! What healthy woman wouldn't want to stick out her tongue to receive a wafer of grace and the promise of eternal life from this hunk? Talk about burning bush, man!

Seriously, I can't believe the Catholic Church would get its papal robes in a twist over this, what with all the sexual abuse cases of minors under its belt. I don't personally know Father Albert (or the Albert formerly known as Father), but I know people who know him, and I do know he is a well-respected spiritual leader in our community, plus he had a Spanish-language relationships advice column in El Nuevo Herald, which I've read. How groovy is that? The advice he gave was always sound, compassionate, modern and relevant -- never judgemental, never fire and brimstone.

I hope he will continue to serve as a spiritual leader, even if he has broken his vows of celibacy. I understand that a vow is a vow -- a discipline and a practice that you choose when you follow a certain path. Catholic priests are not the only religious people in the world who take such vows. The yogis call it bramacharya.

But we're all human, after all. I don't think we should judge this man for an earthly discipline he has broken (it's between himself and his conscience now); perhaps we should admire him for all the good work he has done, in spite of this. And perhaps, what with all the advice he has already offered, as a "regular" man he may make an even better and more trustworthy crusader for healthy relationships. Whatever happens, I just hope it isn't another Thorn Birds.

And as the bible says: Who shall cast the first thong?

Full story at Miami Herald. Discuss more at Miami Beach 411.


What is celibacy anyway? Does masturbation violate that vow? Masturbation is the safest, healthiest form of a sex a person can enjoy. Just think of it - it's like the pleasures of a one-night stand, with the benefits of a full-time committed, monogamous relationship. And you can't really cheat, can you? Has anyone ever said to themselves: "I'm going to break up with you. Our sex life is too boring."

The folks San Francisco's Center for Sex and Culture know this, which is why they organized the annual Masturbate-a-thon on May 2nd.

Apparently, some new records were set:
New World Record - Men's time record of 9:33 hrs broken by the previous record holder Mr. Masanobu Sato now set at 9 hours and 58 minutes.

New United States - Men's distance record held by (nom de plume) Mr. Flint Greasewood - 5 feet 4 inches.
Hey, why not wank-off for a good cause? Here's the mission statement: ". . . to provide judgment-free education, cultural events, a library/media archive, and other resources to audiences across the sexual and gender spectrum; and to research and disseminate factual information, framing and informing issues of public policy and public health."

"Judgement-free education," aint that the truth! Priest or otherwise -- the worst enemy is not sex, but the lack of education about sex. We could use an organization like this in Miami, too.

And speaking of ... if you're out there for good information, don't forget to check out Scarlateen, a website devoted to sex education for young adults and teens.


My blogger buddy and colleague Matt Meltzer wants to know what you men think about to avoid premature blast-off from mission control. Guys: What do You Think About so You Don’t “Finish” Too Fast? Go proffer you advice, which can be anonymous.


Yoli said...

I find this totally absurd. I met the man on many occassions and it is true, he is good looking and a good man who has done a lot of good. The Catholic church needs to let this go. They invented all this crap and the only thing it is causing is unhappiness and the downfall of people who could otherwise be good spiritual leaders with perks.

South Florida Lawyers said...

Personally, I think this will blow over and he'll be back fairly soon.

Good stuff on the wankfest. I'm always reminded of the old Woody Allen line --

don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love.

Anonymous said...

Father Cutie couldn't with stand the urge. Well, I guess that means he's a normal guy.