Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Crackass Crackdown

This weekend, not a PEEP from Crackass. On Sunday evening he pumped up the volume on his TV to surround sound status so that you could hear the actors saying 'fuck you' across the walls; however, who would've thought that loud TV was a blessing in disguise?

City of Miami Beach Answer Center
is very useful. I made an anonymous complaint and got a 24/7 weekend number for code compliance. First time, warning. Second time, slap a fine on the offender's ass.

Abrazos to Dubious Wonder for devoted support and information regarding MDPD. Ladies, we needn't feel helpless!

As well, thanks to Mr. Manners, our local eyewitness etiquette observer, for bringing attention to the issue.

I've asked myself why I've been challenged ... and perhaps the answer is a wake-up call to be more empowered as a single woman.

NOISES MANOLA LOVES (BESIDES A MAN MOANING IN BARITONE): Samba Jalapeño, a mini-macaw who hatched from the egg one year ago (happy hatchday!) -- from a reputable breeder, of course -- aka the notorious model behind Parrot Hilton, said her first words this weekend. (First words other than 'hello.') This little tender 'velociraptor,' the 'owner' of Manola, said "OK" (sort of like the teacher in South Park) and "alright," which she must've picked up from overhearing one-sided phone conversations.

Click here for an instant cutenessgasm. (Note: Samba Jalapeño is the 'clever' green one with gorgeous pin feathers.)

EERILY SIMILAR, NOT SO FUNNY AND YET A GOOD LAUGH ANECDOTE: a friend of Manola's who resides near a mere spit away -- Pine Tree and Sheridan -- also had a 'mistaken door identity' incident this weekend. Not on her door, mind you, but on her neighbor's. As she peered through the peep hole, she noticed a man across the landing frantically knocking, pounding and finally kicking the door wide open. Turns out, the man was desperately trying to reach a friend who had been depressed and somewhat suicidal, but aforementioned sad pathetic case lives ON ANOTHER SIDE OF THE BUILDING ALTOGETHER. Talk about embarrasing faux pas! Eventually, Ms. Prozac was found, alive and well. Kick-the-door-down man apologized to the cops, landlord, neighbors and also paid for the damage. A good intention that could've been -- and was -- initially misinterpreted. All's well that ends well ... but FOLKS, PLEASE ... next time you knock on a door, PLEASE get the address, ok?


• Prada for 40 at almost 40. Love that number. Not only my slowly encroaching decade, but also the street price for a baby blue REAL leather handbag. Yes, even smells like hide. Need I say more? Yes, TOTALLY politically and environmentally NOT correct. Oh, shut up. Look, I haven't had sex in an almost a year, so I am entitled by default and according to some esoteric documents in the Geneva Convention to make a completely impulsive fashionable purchase in the form of knock off purse, OK? Miami Girl, call me. Got the hook up, chica. I'm the crazy bag lady on the corner of Alton and 41st Street dealing fake Prada and Manolo Blahniks. Hagglers welcome.

• Planning the following itinerary from Barcelona to Asturias:

Barcelona to Asturias

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