HeartCamp 2013

One of my drawings, inspired by this event.

Sex and the Beach will be on a bit of a hiatus until February. Yours truly is organizing the second annual HeartCamp, which is keeping me quite busy, in between work, caregiving for my elderly parents and planning a move back to South Miami.  Sometime life takes priority over blogging. Actually, if you're a true writer, you're always "writing," even when your hands are far from quill and paper.

HeartCamp will gather speakers and participants from all walks of life to discuss all matters of the heart, from the physical to spiritual and creative aspects of what it means to be a heart-centered being.  We'll discuss all kinds of juicy topics -- sex, relationships, nutrition, breathing, heart health, following your heart's desires in your career and life, motherhood, pregnancy, heartbreak. communications, neuroscience and so much more.  Speakers include Tedx presenters, life coaches (one flying in from Chicago), literary authors, sex educators, pharmacists, doctors, relationships coaches, marketing professionals and folks with just a really good story to tell.  The audience is invited to participate as well. We'll have a plenary open-mic session at the end.

This splendid day will take place on February 2 at Hotel Urbano Brickell in Miami.  It isn't just a girly event.  Guys are welcome, too -- day before Superbowl! But guys, what a great gift to give to your football widow, eh?

Learn more at HeartCamp or register at Eventbrite.  Deadline for registration is January 25.

I hope to see you there!

Living in Love Even When You're Single

I drew this on the deck of a Windjammer sailboat in the Caribbean, oh so many years ago.

After a considerably long time in a state of celibacy, I met a great guy – very unexpectedly.

He literally walked into my life. I was perusing some artwork in a gallery I wasn’t even supposed to visit that evening. A friend brought me there on the way to a party. There I was, living in my own protective bubble – what I now call the “la la land of singlehood” -- and he just started talking to me like he had known me forever. It was as simple as that. So yes, ladies, love does happen when you least expect it.

At first, I panicked a little, because within ten minutes of our happy banter, he was twirling me around in a hilarious attempt to dance a tango, right there, on the spot, beautifully spontaneous. And the next day, we would dance more, looking into each other’s eyes, smiling brightly and shining in our souls, all of which led to an amazing first electric kiss.

I decided then and there to just let go of my fears and insecurities. No more protective bubble, no more la la land. I said yes to the universe. I took the risk. It was scary as hell. And wonderful as all that.

We would then continue this dance in the heart, body and soul space for three months. And like a true tango, there were moments of sheer elation as well as the inevitable tension of awkward push and pull. Although it seems that the man leads, he actually follows the woman, yet she must also be receptive to a lead that is generously given. And when the tango is perfectly balanced, ying and yang entwined, both hearts and bodies come to a space of mutual understanding and intimacy in the hectic and distracting pace of life.

We had that miracle … for a spell.

But sometimes, the dance takes a pause. The ballroom suddenly becomes resoundingly empty. Footsteps on the wooden floor become silent. Glasses no longer clink. Dance shoes come off, in exhaustion. The lights darken. Joy fades into memory.

Pain, past and ego gets in the way of love. It shouldn’t, love should conquer all, but there you have it. A very hard lesson for me to learn: a man and a woman can love each other and yet not be right for each other.

I'm grateful for what he taught me. I know I’m ready to love immensely. Not just in a tantric way for a sexual lover, but extending my passion to all aspects of my life, including charity. How can my heart be so full and expanded, even when it is hurt? Because love does that to you – it makes you grow in ways you never thought you could, even when he may not be the right guy for you.

Love isn’t just what he gives you, but the compassion, forgiveness and thoughtfulness that grows inside you. By avoiding love, I could never overcome what was holding me back from love. The ground was never fertile. And with him, I blossomed into the woman that was hiding behind a shield, the woman I always wanted to be, one capable of extraordinary love.

Love was always there, but I wasn’t open to it until I met him. It’s something bigger than me, but part of me.

This was the wonderful gift he gave me, for which I am very grateful.

Love is boundless, but sometimes you have to set boundaries. I’m human, after all, and I have to honor what is right for me in my particular circumstances. But damn it, I did give it a good go and I’m OK with that.

Being vulnerable to receiving and giving love is a huge risk, but one well worth it when you surrender to the idea that it’s your birthright.

No more celibacy for me. I’m ready for the one who is right for me.

So to all my single ladies out there, I say this to you: give yourself the gift of love, even if it means things might not work out the way you expected. We’re not all fated to have just one dance partner in life. So dance away that tango, even through the awkward push and pull. Give it a chance.

Don’t give up. And I don’t ever want to hear there are no men capable of loving, because the first one who has to be capable is you and you won’t know unless you try.

Live in a state of grace and love already, even before you meet the guy. If love is what you want, get out of la la land.

And when you do meet him, muster up that courage.


PS … I’m doing HeartCamp again next year. Save the date for February 2, 2013. I’m looking forward to Heart’s Desire being part of the event next year.

Silicone Bitch: February is Bangin' in Miami!

News and notes about the South Florida social media and blogging scene, with a little tech thrown in for good measure. And maybe some other random events, too.

Photo by Rosaura Ochoa on Flickr.

Sex and the Beach is slowly coming out of a brief hiatus and is happy to report that the social media and tech season is starting out with a huge bang this month.

HeartCamp (organized by yours truly) was a smash success this past weekend in Fort Lauderdale and set the tone for a month of great events. Visit HeartCamp on Facebook for follow-up coverage.

OK, so here we go!

Social Media Club South Florida follows TONIGHT February 7 with a surely controversial session featuring recently-arrested photojournalist Carlos Miller of Photography Is Not a Crime. Social Media, Protests and Citizen Journalism takes place at 7 PM at The Stage in the Design District with additional panelists Janie Campbell of The Huffington Post, Jared Goyette, Online Producer at The Miami Herald and Founder and Producer of Open Media Miami, as well as Muhammed Malik, Co-Producer, Let’s Talk About It Radio (880 AM).

Next week presents a trifecta, traditionally known as Tech Week Miami.

Social Media Week Miami starts on Monday February 13 as part of a week-long global movement. Sessions featuring many local social media thought leaders will be at the Arsht Center and other venues all week. Best of all -- most events are free, but make sure to register.

Members of the Miami Rat Pack will be presenting on Thursday, February 16 at 2:30 PM on Keeping Social Media Real and Organic, followed by a free tweetup later that day organized by Soul of Miami. (Details to follow on the tweetup.)

WordCamp Miami is even better this year with not one, but two days of informative topics on everything WordPress at the University of Miami. Friday, February 17 is dedicated to beginners while Saturday, February 18 is for all -- newbies to developers. Get your ticket soon.

The weekend continues with BarCamp Miami on Sunday, February 19 at the beautiful new Little Haiti Cultural Center. Who should be there?

Anyone working on a new startup that wants to get some great feedback.

Anyone looking for talent. Anyone talented looking for work.

Anyone looking to invest in brilliant new ideas.

Anyone looking to find partners for their brilliant new ideas.

Anyone who wants to practice a presentation s/he is working on.

Anyone who has a passion for blogging, wikis, design, coding and the web in general.

Everyone is welcome. Everyone is encouraged to present.

BarCamp is totally free and an excellent source of what is hot, new and upcoming.

Tickets are free but registration is suggested. Sponsorships are kindly appreciated as well.

Geeky goodness continues February 24-25 when Superconf comes to the Miami Beach Convention Center. SuperConf 2012 is where web development and entrepreneurship converges with 9 startups and 8 speakers over 2 days.

It doesn't stop after this month of geek love. Save the dates: Hispanicize, a conference for Latino trendsetters, April 11-13 in Miami; Foursquare Day Miami on April 16 (details to follow); and SheCon, a Florida-founded blogger's conference in Orlando, May 25-27.

By the way, yours truly is presenting at Social Media Week, WordCamp, BarCamp, Hispanicize and SheCon. Whew ... hope to see you there!

Did I miss any events? Feel free to list them in the comments section.

Listening to My Heart: Rethinking Celibacy

I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

First of all, this whole Kim Kardashian divorce crap, which is an insult to humanity and a prime example of why you should never follow celebrity lives as a role model. Here I am potentially avoiding marriage and others are making a mockery of this institution.

And then, I have a very refreshing personal conversation with Laura Doyle, a best-selling author and relationship coach, whom I will be interviewing twice next week, once during my co-hosted radio show Social Chats and the other in person at the Women's Success Summit, where I will also be a panelist on the first day. Laura is the author of two books, Surrendered Wife and Surrendered Single; she also creates workshops for single women who find dating a challenge.

In her most recent Surrendered Single e-newsletter, Laura says that love is our birthright and that we really shouldn't put off or delay on dating. In general, she basically believes in good old fashion courtship, love, honor and respect. Women need to act like ladies and men need to act like, well, men.

I first learned of Laura's work when I was a tango aficionado many years ago, dancing several days a week in the local Miami milonga scene. A woman on a tango bulletin board introduced me to Laura's concepts in the book Surrendered Wife, the tips from which she was following meticulously in her marriage to a man who also happened to be her dance partner.

Tango is a beautiful metaphor for relationships.

It's all about give and take, energy exchange, understanding masculine and feminine and the dynamic involved between the two. For a woman, it's all about letting go, without being a doormat. It's about having power without having to wear the pants all the time. Opening yourself up to receive is very powerful on the dance floor, but also in life.

It intrigued me.

There is a part of me that wants to fly off the planet and scoff at Laura's advice -- the independent, happy part of me. My life is rich without a man or intimacy.

But there is that other part, the one that is missing some goodness that we all deserve. Love is part of life's bounty. Want to get to me? Make me listen to a cello score or talk to me about planning a beach wedding. I am the hardest cynic and yet still the softest romantic.

Walking alone at dusk in the rain today, with the easterly wind blasting my face and the herons flying by on Biscayne Bay, I really, truly seriously had to ask myself: "What the hell are you waiting for, you idiot? Why are you delaying love? You are about to turn 44! For Christ's sake, woman!"

Laura is absolutely right. Why the hell am I postponing love? Heartbeats are on borrowed time for all of us. We are only leasing our bodies. Days are getting shorter this time of year but life is slipping away even if I should have many years ahead of me.

Her advice also terrifies me, because honestly, in spite of the dozens of networking and social events I attend practically every day, I am not meeting *the* man.

Even though I go out and have no issue experiencing things or need a lover to enjoy them -- I seriously take childish wild grateful pleasure in every breath I inhale -- that man hasn't manifested himself.

Is it a Miami thing? A *me* thing? Every fucking interesting guy on the planet seems to be attached or has been attached and is wearing some sofa king size baggage; I just keep chalking it up to "well, this just means some better chap is wending his way to me."

But I also have to be honest with myself. What message am I sending out? I must be wearing some incredibly supersonic shield to be keeping so many would-be lovers away from this devoted affection I could offer. I guess if I don't publish a fucking ad on the proverbial Craiglist of life, no one is going to answer.

Obviously, if I say the shop is closed, no one is going to want my incredible mind-blowing services.

So maybe I need to rethink this whole celibacy thing. Maybe there's something inside of me that's afraid or resisting and I wouldn't be surprised. Previous relationships involved a person who had a serious mental condition and the other one had me subject to physical violation.

Laura made me think of a place I'm not comfortable visiting, even though I am a travel writer. There are continents, rifts, deep oceans and airy caverns in my heart that would require a passport and a major TSA x-ray. I simply shouldn't hesitate to visit me, be in me and live me all the time, right?

Why don't I go there?

Because it hurts.

And in my mid-40s, I'm fucking exhausted. Just tired of it all. Can't a guy just show up and be real?

And that's what it has been like for me this last week, contemplating all of this. I'm thinking Laura and the tropical deluge that kept me from my long walks outdoors were in 'angel' cahoots to provide me with some insight. And when I finally stepped outside, I could see things through a glass darkly.

I have to deal with that inside part of me that is easy to ignore when you practice yoga poses. This is controversial: can contentment lead to ignorance? Being happy in your body but ignoring your soul? Yoga is about connecting mind, body and spirit. Can you be too happy for your own good?

Sometimes you have to dig deeper, forget about having the tight ass and look at what you're doing emotionally. Sometimes this involves going to happy hour and drinking a couple of martinis instead of doing asana. You just have to say 'fuck it' -- my soul is calling me. Yes, even physical 'yoga' can be a distraction from your ultimate spiritual purpose, if it keeps you from connecting to that part of yourself that still needs nurturing, development and evolving. Bramacharya is perhaps holding me back. All that 'feel good' granola stuff might be sugar-coating ugly shit I need to face.

I need to take a good look in the mirror.

What does a woman have to do to make herself open to love without risking all her dignity and sanity?

I think this is a question I'm still asking ...

Oh, let me repeat the question:

What does a woman have to do to make herself open to love without risking all her dignity and sanity IN SOUTH FLORIDA?

And I know this isn't just a single woman thing. Divorcées out there know what I'm talking about, too.

Don't get me wrong. My life is rich in deeply spiritual, meaningful connections. My heart bursts with agape love all the time like it's baby lemurs playing in romper room for sheer joy. (And you know I've gone there.) But I'm longing for a deeper intimacy that doesn't come from such connections. I'm listening to my heart.

What else can I say? Even though I'm questioning my heart's current method and being perfectly honest with you here, I know I'm still following my heart. Dear readers, get in touch with that. It's the only thing you can truly hold on to, no matter what phase of life you happen to be experiencing. Be true to yourself, even if that truth is raw and uncomfortable.

We'll see what happens ...