Miami Pirate Drops Anchor for a Bit

Me and a fellow pirate re-enactor clowning around at last year's festival. I finally had a couple of days of respite.

After sailing for many years, it's time to drop anchor and rest in a peaceful harbor for a bit.

I'm taking a break from writing here until I solve some issues related to caregiving for my father, his failing health and his estate. Caregiving for my dearly departed mother and now my very ill father has been a daunting, extremely difficult yet rewarding experience filled with unconditional love.

Get ready though because later this year I'll be celebrating 10 years of this blog's humble beginnings. A big party somewhere in the Miami area is most likely. Save the date for October.

But I'm still active elsewhere ... see links below. Catch me if you can.

This blog isn't over. I just have some very important things to take care of regarding my precious mother and father.

There's a whole lot of somethin' something' else going on: my career is shifting into some political activism regarding eldercare; I'm also getting involved a bit more in the foodie world (follow hashtag #vicequeenkitchen across the networks);  I'm working on a hilarious yet deeply spiritual illustrated book about religion and social media; and finally I have a few interesting work projects down the pipeline.

But don't fret. I'm still the goofball with a quirky sense of humor you all know and love.

LINKS

Weekly Online Radio Show, Tuesdays 1 - 2 PM at Social Chats, co-hosted with Tonya Scholz.

Vicequeenmaria on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and of course, this blog's own Facebook page, where I share a ballast's worth of funny and inspiring content quite frequently: I Like Sex and the Beach.

Thanks for so many years of reading my every word. Stay tuned for a new chapter of this blog when I'm ready. We shall unfurl our sails soon enough over here at Sex and the Beach. I may take the dinghy to shore and pop in every now and then. I just can't post as frequently as I'd like to right now.

May you all be blessed by grace and joy. I know I am ... despite the challenges.

XO

Maria

The 12 Step Become A Pirate Program

Trail of the Pirates is a travel series exploring maritime history, culture and lore between Key West and St. Augustine on the east coast of Florida.

If you don't want to read this epic post, just watch this video.

A funny thing happens when you start investigating and writing a lot about a particular topic -- you get sucked in. And if that topic happens to be pirates, that's a good thing.

Nine years ago, Michelle Murillo was a reporter in Florida doing exactly what I did earlier this month. She was on assignment covering Pirates in Paradise in Key West and got hooked. Today, she's still a journalist but also a professional reenacter who goes by the pirate name of Diosa (Goddess), teaching folks about pirate history through plays, demonstrations and lectures at events around the country.

It has taken me a year to follow in her footsteps, traveling around Florida exploring pirate history and events. Since my first trip to Key West and my subsequent time in St. Augustine where I interviewed Murillo about her role as famous female pirate Mary Read, she has become a mentor of sorts.

I shadowed her during the Pirates in Paradise and Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion weekend and got an insider's view of the pirate community.

Don't mess with my mentor when she's in character as Mary Read!

THE "AHA!" MOMENT

It all started when I was sailing aboard the schooner WOLF and Braze, a reenacter from Atlanta, let me pull the trigger on his blunderbuss. I had never fired a weapon of any kind before and here I was holding an antique gun with an authentic lock from 1724.

After the gun powder went BOOM! I yelled "Jesus! Oh God!"

And you know those things that you categorize as better than sex? Oh yeah. This was one of them.

Diosa, who had been singing sea shanties on the vessel, very calmly stated: "You've had your first gungasm. You are now just a few steps to becoming a true pirate."

"Is that like a 12 step program?" I replied.

Hmm ...

And so we thought about it and discussed the matter in earnest for the next two days. What are the 12 steps to becoming a pirate? Most 12 step programs are about losing an addiction. This is about gaining one unabashedly, with no regrets, apologies or adverse health effects!

One of the most bad ass moments of my life.

STEP 1 - SAILING

You have to hit the seas on a proper sailboat that is actually sailing (none of this outboard engine stuff). And if you're lucky like me, you get to do this on board the schooner WOLF, run by His Ugliness Finbar the Terrible, who is also the Admiral of the Conch Republic. And if you're really, really lucky you sail with pirates who sing sea shanties and fire guns and cannons.

The schooner WOLF as seen from Fort Zachary Taylor.

Fire in the hole!

STEP 2 - FIRING A GUNPOWDER WEAPON

Speaking of weapons, nothing says pirate like firing a weapon and doing it on a sailboat is definitely icing on the cake. Braze was kind enough to assist my first "gungasm" as he explained the structure of a gun (lock, stock and barrel) all of this while the boat was in full sail and wind blowing through my hair.

Firing a weapon is serious business. There's actually gunpowder school and to be a reenacter in battle you need in-depth experience and training. Crews need permits. At the Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion, there were early morning weapons checks among pirates who wanted to participate in battle.

Braze's blunderbuss. A thing of beauty!

Braze and the lovely Liberté Sparrow.

Commodore Swab, based in Key Largo, takes reproduction guns and makes them reliable. Some of the parts on the guns are original.

STEP 3 - DRINK APPLE PIE INSTEAD OF GROG


Apple Pie versus grog.

Did you know rum and grog sucked back in the Golden Age of Piracy? Yeah, the polished, refined spirit we know today was still in its infancy, relatively speaking. Grog was nothing more than a seafarer's beverage -- rum mixed with water, moscovado sugar or molasses and some citrus -- the universal concoction that would later become a refreshing daiquiri.

(As an aside, check out this awesome interview with rum ambassador Ian Burrel on the subject.)

For pirates, the rum helped sanitize the stagnant and putrid water on ships, the sugar added sweetness and a bit of nutrition and the citrus aided in the prevention of scurvy.

If you want authentic grog, here's the recipe: 1 part sour (citrus), 2 part sweet, 3 part strong (the most God awful cheap-ass rum you can find) and 4 parts weak (water).

But modern pirates prefer the so-called Apple Pie, which is a secret blend of herbs, spices, apple juice and ehem, a strong 'water' of your choice. If you know a moonshiner, place your order now, wink wink. Every pirate family has its own specific recipe and if I reveal too much, they'll have to kill me.

Scarlett Jai was responsible for my first sip of Apple Pie. And that's the surgeon standing right behind her.

STEP 4 - PURCHASE A WEAPON

One of the things that I love about the pirate community is that even if you are a rookie, they welcome you and treat you like family. I got to participate in pirate events after hours that aren't open to the public. One such event was the dead man's chest auction, the proceeds of which benefit Friends of Fort Taylor. A raucous event led by rambunctious Cannibal Chrispy, the auction is a great place for pirates new and old to bid on donated items.

It was here I won a bid on a groovy necklace -- a skull and crossbones cross outfitted with a small, hidden dagger.

My first baby pirate weapon.

STEP 5 - PURCHASE GARB

Oh, the pirate garb! This is no ordinary retail costume shop stuff. It's serious quality, down to the stitching and buttons, which I have already discussed in previous stories on Trail of the Pirates.

Well, my first humble foray into this sartorial world was a lovely blue flouncy chemise, which I also won at auction for a modest $5. I can wear this item under whatever future bodice or corset I decide to buy. Someday I will no longer be a made-in-china polyester pirate and will hopefully wear real fabrics with authentic design.

Absolutely every professional pirate I have ever met sports the most incredible garb. I wish I could post photos of all of them but I'm just going to feature Caribbean Pearl here, a performer who wows me every time I see here with her tailored outfits. She had several costumes for each day.

Caribbean Pearl playing a character from Pirates of the Caribbean.

STEP 6 - PUB SING

Singing at Fort Taylor was special. Trust me, without camera flash it was dark in there.

Captain Crudbeard of the Dark Rose crew explained to me that there were four kinds of pirates: musical, walk arounds (people who walk around the festivals performing), cutlery (sword fighters and such) and boom-boom (small arms and cannons).

But I gotta tell ya, all pirates love to sing. One of the most amazing experiences I've ever had was hanging out at the improvised tavern right after a pig roast dinner. In the cavernous cannon holds of the fort, sound bounces beautifully off the domed brick ceiling. With only candle light to illuminate the surroundings, we were transported back in time in communal singing of traditional sea shanties and pirate tunes. If you've ever participated in a yoga kirtan, this was similar, except our mantras were songs of yore.

I'm terrible with lyrics though. I only caught the refrains and learning the lyrics will be part of my continuing pirate education. The contagious melodies still linger in my ears.

STEP 7 - CORPORAL PUNISHMENT (STOCKS AND SHACKLES)

Getting shackled. I hear some non-pirate folks do this at fetish clubs in Davie.

Pirates were not particularly popular, especially where governments were concerned (unless they hired them as privateers, Sir Francis Drake being the most famous). During my time at the Pyrate Invasion, I had the good fortune of being rescued from the stocks, where I would have otherwise been humiliated by townsfolk had I remained in that most uncomfortable position for any lengthy amount of time. I also got shackled by an officer, who, being British, was rather polite.




STEP 8 - GET LACED INTO A BODICE

After some huffing and puffing and rigorous "inspection," the Viceroy approved of my first bodice or "stay" as this one would be technically called.

OK, this step really won't apply to guys, but this was probably the most challenging. Just Jeff, a leather artisan who works in an authentic 18th century style, bound me in leather stays while explaining the origin of "loose women" and other clothing-related terms from colonial America.

The stays were very tight and at first I had trouble breathing. It actually precipitated a bit of an anxiety reaction as I'm uncomfortable when I can't breathe freely. However, the leather conformed to my plump center rather quickly and within minutes I was fine. Suddenly I had a deeper waistline and an hourglass figure! It felt like a very snug orthopedic girdle and back in the day, that would have been my sole undergarment.

The whole bodice, corset, underbust and stay thing really confused me at first. Come on, I'm a miracle bra kinda girl.

On the previous day, I had spent almost an hour discussing bodices, corsets, underbusts and stays with a few female pirates. Bodices were more working class women who performed manual labor and needed back support. Corsets were for the fancier society ladies who could afford such finery and were concerned with their figure.

For the nether regions, you wore pantaloons and underskirts and if you had to use the bathroom there was either nothing covering the naughty bits or some flap of fabric you could open and close easily. What an incredible pain in the ass it must have been to dress up and dress down before modern brassieres and panties.

Of course, we had to ask the Viceroy, one of the most intriguing characters at the Pyrate Invasion, if he approved of my stays. I have never seen my girls jiggle so much. (See the salacious video here.)

STEP 9 - FIRE A CANNON

Notice there are three babes here.

I didn't get to do this, but my pirate friends promised me they'll help make it happen. There is a great deal of education, maneuvers and protocol for cannon firing. Safety is of the first order. But speaking of cannons, check out the Viceroy's hot one. He's a real cannon maker based in Key Largo. The work is simply stunning.

Ornate and gorgeous detail here.

Pirates love their cannons! And when you fire one for the first time, your cannon loss of virginity is celebrated by a rather interesting swabbing ritual.

STEP 10 - SWORD FIGHT


Swordfighting 101.

Thanks to Drake of the Fort Lauderdale based crew, I got a lesson in basic sword fighting. This is a truly addictive aspect for me as I used to dance and love movement. It also doesn't help that my brother is a sensei and expert in weapons. I have one of his samurai swords lying around the house.

If I really want to become a sword fighting pirate, I'm going to have to take some regular lessons instead of going to tweetups and social media events at night. See what I mean? Clothes. Weapons. Songs. It can start to consume your life.

STEP 11 - PILLAGE AND ATTACK A MEMBER OF ROYALTY


What's better than firing a blunderbuss? Flogging the Viceroy!

I am one lucky bastard. Over the weekend, I had a chance to steal the Viceroy's cane and the flog him in return. According to Diosa, this is a rare treat for any pirate. I was truly blessed.

STEP 12 - SLEEP WITH A PIRATE

Alas, this is yet another step I have yet to do, like Step 9, firing a cannon. Although I am sure there would have been many volunteers, all the pirates I met were true gentlemen, even when flirty.

Actually, it's surprising how many of these pirates are married or attached couples. I was warned, however, to not fall in love with any pirate captains.

MY PIRATE FUTURE

One great big pirate family.

So am I following in Diosa's footsteps? I think it's obvious I might I have crossed over to the dark side! In fact, I've been invited to be a participant at the Fort Taylor invasion next year in addition to my role as a journalist.

And so thus concludes the 12 Step Become A Pirate Program. I'll let you know when I've completed steps 9 and 12. Well, I might be demure about step 12. Good pirates don't kiss and tell.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Trail of the Pirates is an on-going documentary series on Sex and the Beach and has benefited from businesses and organizations that see value in this fun way to educate readers on Caribbean and Florida history.

This segment of Trail of the Pirates was generously supported by GM Southeast (Chevy), Pat Croce and staff from The St. Augustine Pirate and Treasure Museum, Admiral Finbar of the schooner WOLF as well as the fine folks who run Pirates in Paradise and The Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion. Special props go to Michelle Murillo, my friend and mentor in all things pirates. She reenacts the the trial of Mary Read -- the subject of an interview from last year.

Trail of the Pirates: Pirates Invade Key West

Trail of the Pirates is a travel series exploring maritime history, culture and lore between Key West and St. Augustine on the east coast of Florida.

Skeleton and Caribbean Pearl strike a pose for Trail of the Pirates.

Trail of the Pirates came full circle this month when I covered the Pirates in Paradise Festival and the Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion on the first weekend of December. I couldn’t attend last year as the Key West event runs back to back to the St. Augustine Pirate Gathering and I had already been on the road for days interviewing, researching and learning as much as I could about pirate and maritime history on the east coast of Florida.

PIRATES HIT BONE ISLAND AKA "CAYO HUESO"

It doesn't get better than this. Sailing in Key West with pirates singing sea shanties and firing weapons with gun powder!

Pirates in Paradise is a week-long festival with costume contests, storytelling competitions, musical performances, pirate sailing trips, walk-the-plank competitions, a pirate pub, pirate tours of Key West and more. The main festival grounds are at the Truman Waterfont Annex.

Next door at Fort Zachary Taylor you’ll find the Pyrate Invasion, which features a more traditional encampment recreating the Golden Age of Piracy (1675-1825). Over three days, the fortress becomes an English stronghold where British Red Coats battle against pirates with real cannons and gun powder. Living history demonstrations allow visitors to meet well-established captains and crews.

When you arrive at the encampment, you'll see reenacters, sword fighters, antique weapons experts, musicians, a blacksmith and even a surgeon living in authentic tents. These performers take their roles very seriously for your edification on maritime history and lore. And they look stunning!

Guests can watch this battle from high above in the fort, which is surrounded by a moat. That's Lily Alexander duking it out with the guys.

The encampment as seen from the second story of the fort.

These pirates didn't shop at IKEA. No electricity or Coleman lanterns here. Everything is authentic looking.

Commodore Cutter from the gulf coast has articles of piracy for little ones to sign. Both events are kid-friendly.

You can also observe the battle from ground level, but heed park ranger warnings about where it's safe to sit.

You never know who's going to win. British or pirates? Miss Felicity of the Dark Rose crew with Spike Pierce from Key West.

Captain Budd is also a fishing guide and has been sailing all his life. He was demonstrating rope and knot works. That morning, he told me, he had caught grunts from shore for an authentic Key West grits and grunts breakfast.

Left to right: Pirates of the Treasure Coast, Cannibal Chrispy, Skeleton and Pirate Louie participated in the Key West Holiday Parade.

You've seen this incredible artist's work before if you like Captain Morgan rum. Don Maitz was painting watercolors and oils on site.

The Viceroy, a member of royalty, is also a real cannon maker based out of Key Largo. I can't remember the last time I saw such an impressive "gun" from a man.

Red Beard caused quite a stir with his furry pets.

Cascabel preparing for "fire in the hole" aboard the schooner WOLF.

Hot dogs and burgers cooked over wood, pirate style. If you nosh here, order the delicious, tangy coleslaw on the side.

Captain Crudbeard of the Dark Rose crew with a beautiful African raven that says "arrrrrgh" like a pirate.

This pirate chose to swan dive off the plank.

Michelle Murillo and her performing partner Joe Catalano taught the audience what it was like to live on a pirate ship in an interactive presentation just before the battle.

More photos on Flickr



Trail of the Pirates doesn’t really end here. I made many new pirate friends and will be exploring the gulf coast of Florida next year and hopefully the east coast of the United States north of Florida – the Beaufort invasion in North Carolina beckons!

IF YOU GO

Pirates in Paradise and the Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion typically take place the first weekend of December. Reserve your hotel early.

As if I needed to give you yet another reason to visit the beautiful Florida Keys, I can’t think of a better time to explore Key West than when the pirates are in town. You can enjoy all the wanton and lazy pleasures of this southernmost city and learn a thing or two about pirates.

Make a day of it. Explore both festivals. Sail on the flagship schooner WOLF with Admiral Finbar of the Conch Republic and musical, gunpowder-firing pirates. Bring a picnic to enjoy after the battle at gorgeous Fort Zachary beach, a state park where you can swim in turquoise blue Caribbean waters.

Oh and did you know? The fort is said to be haunted by a ghost named Wendell. Learn more about preserving this precious heritage at Friends of Fort Taylor.

And don't forget to stop at the Rum Barrel on Front Street for some great pirate-y rum drinks.

Visit the updated Trail of the Pirates itinerary for a full list of experiences.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Trail of the Pirates is an on-going documentary series on Sex and the Beach and has benefited from businesses and organizations that see value in this fun way to educate readers on Caribbean and Florida history.

This segment of Trail of the Pirates was generously supported by GM Southeast (Chevy), Pat Croce and staff from The St. Augustine Pirate and Treasure Museum, Admiral Finbar of the schooner WOLF as well as the fine folks who run Pirates in Paradise and The Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion. Special props go to Michelle Murillo, my friend and mentor in all things pirates. She reenacts the the trial of Mary Read -- the subject of an interview from last year.

Pirates: Interview with Pirate DJ Bilgemunky

Ahoy, maties! I haven't written about pirates in a while, but I'm gearing up for Pirades in Paradise in Key West later this year, which will add to my Trail of the Pirates Florida documentary travel series.

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so in honor of all pirates far and wide, I'm treating you to an exclusive interview with Bilgemunky, a pirate DJ who runs an arrr-tastic radio show and website full of pirate-y goodness.

I spoke with Bilgemunky while he was on vacation here in Miami. And yes, I walked unabashedly through the lobby of the Delano Hotel wearing my buccaneer's hat.

Bilgemunky writes about pirate stuff more so from a pop culture perspective than a historical one and his site offers great information. Learn more by watching the video.

Gasparilla Pirate Festival

Ahoy! Pirates invading Tampa Bay!

In my endless pursuit of Florida pirates, I drove up to Tampa in January to check out the annual Gasparilla Pirate Festival, which features a pirate "invasion" and a parade.

The event dates back to 1904 when a group of the city's social and civic leaders adopted the legendary pirate's name for a city-wide celebration involving a royal court and parade. The "Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla" was formed and invaded the city on land until the commission of an authentic pirate ship replica in 1954 made the krewe seaworthy.

José Gaspar's existence is doubtful. According to legend, Gasparilla the Spanish pirate may have called Charlotte Harbour and surrounding islands home in the 18th century, but there's no definitive documentation. And if there's one thing the Spanish were really good at, it was keeping records of everything that happened in the New World, especially when they were running the show in Florida.

So Tampa took over the story of a certain Spanish rogue, one who allegedly had ties to royalty and the military, and romanticized the legend. But whether or not this pirate existed really doesn't matter -- the fanciful story with an equally fanciful name translates today to a wild event in Tampa, a city with a rich history often overshadowed by its east coast counterparts. Everyone talks about Henry Flagler; no one ever talks about Henry Plant, another railroad tycoon who helped build Tampa, but that's another story.

MY GASPARILLA ADVENTURE STARTED WITH DRINKS BEFORE BRUNCH

I arrived at the Tampa Convention Center for a $10 parking spot around 8:30 AM. I stayed at the Sheraton Suites, a great hotel only ten minutes away by car, but I had been warned about traffic later in the day, what with the throngs of folks attending the event. Getting around downtown would be impossible and this was no surprise -- by 8:30 AM all the parking spots were full on the lower level.

By 9 AM, different krewes were on their boats firing gunpowder weapons either docked by the convention center or tooling around the bay. The outdoor café was serving reasonably priced beer and Bloody Mary's (excellent call, City of Tampa). It was all good, except that I had to wait another couple of hours to enjoy the official Gasparilla brunch. The wait was worthwhile, but it would have been more fun with travel companions. Nevertheless, the air was filled with not only the sound of gun shots, but also with an intangible, buzzing anticipation. I had no idea what I was in for; it was interesting to be a Gasparilla virgin!

By 1 PM or so (yes, at this point I was ready for a nap after a Bloody Mary and couple of vodka tonics), the pirates arrived in Gaspar's ship. The invasion was nothing short of eye-popping spectacular. The vessel, laden with pirates, docked at the convention center followed by an entourage of smaller ships, all of which were firing gunpowder. Hundreds of members of the Mystic Krewe disembarked and then a mass of humanity walked over to the parade, which went for miles, much of it on Tampa's gorgeous Bayshore Drive.

Wow. Just wow. They were dressed to the nines hours before the parade. It's all about the beads.

A friendly Tampa bartender, serving drinks in the morning.

This fella was greeting everyone at the door for brunch.

A beautiful ship. The gun shots were actually quite loud.

A boat load of pirates invading Tampa at the convention center.

THE PARADE

Because I had a press pass, I was allowed to hang outside police lines on the street. I found a friendly officer and staked out my position, but only to wait another two hours standing on my feet for the first floats to go by. The wait was tedious for me and unfortunately the officer, though handsome and single, was quite busy. Note to self: next time, do this with a bunch of friends and not as a reporter.

By 5 PM, I had seen five arrests from drunk and disorderly revelers. The police man told me that the paramedics had already done the round of the drunk frat kids by 11 AM, who set up kegs illegally further down the parade route. (It's illegal, but somehow it's tolerated.)

I saw one of those kids coughing up blood on the way to the live music show after the parade.

But it wasn't all mayhem. In fact, considering the number of people flocking to Tampa Bay that day (up to half a million or more, I was told), the crowd was quite tame and under control.

Behind me were families standing with their kids, all eager to pick up beads, which parade participants were flinging from their floats. I thoroughly enjoyed interacting with those kids, especially since I was the only idiot who went to the parade in costume. Several drunken fools also asked to pose in photos with me and I played good sport, wishing, at this point, that I was just as drunk. (I stopped imbibing when I knew that my only relief was a port-a-potty shared with several thousand people.) Festival attendees don't do costumes on the invasion day though, so lesson learned.

Also, I loved the live music at sunset on Tampa's Curtis Hixon Waterfront Park -- a gorgeous expanse of public space on the river, right smack in urban downtown -- where I was able to finally sit down and relax.

At this point, you've probably noticed I haven't talked much about pirates. That's because even though there were pirate krewes, floats and participants in costume, this was not a traditional pirate festival like the one in St. Augustine -- it's more flashy a la Hollywood -- without the painstaking reverence to historic authenticity. In fact, I met Gasparilla pirates in St. Augustine who told me "yeah, we're all about the bling." As gaudy as it seemed compared to the event in the nation's oldest city, Gasparilla does get major points for street party though, and if that's something you love, you'll be in heaven here.

Just about every float was as colorful in character.

Gotta pay tribute to Anne Bonney and Mary Read!

I can't stop laughing about the I <3 Publix button under the Jolly Roger.

This pirate was scary!

I only kept two bead necklaces, one with roses and the other with skull and crossbones, which were handed to me personally by two different gentlemen. My pride and joy, of course, was the skull and crossbones tattoo stamp I got from a member of the Mystic Krewe when I flashed just a tiny bit of cleavage from under my buccaneer coat.

The closest I'll ever get to a tramp stamp!

IF YOU GO

If you attend the Gasparilla invasion, it's definitely worth staying walking distance to the events either downtown Tampa or Harbour Island, so book a hotel room early. If you book on the outskirts of the bay, plan ahead to use public transportation or downtown parking.

The parade itself is free, but I recommend paying for the brunch as you'll have the best seat in the house for the actual invasion. Then pay for a bleacher seat at the parade, as it will be too crowded by then to stake out a spot. Coolers are allowed and so is alcohol but don't bring glass bottles or cups.

If you've got little ones, a kid friendly version of the festival takes place around the same time. But there were plenty of kids in the invasion parade as well; just make sure they can deal with crowds.

Make a whole weekend out of it. Tampa gets back to normal rather quickly after the festival and there's much more to do in the area. To name a few: shopping at International Plaza, touring historic Ybor City, dinner at Columbia (try the salad, you'll thank me) and Charley's Steakhouse (mouthwatering), sunsets on Clearwater Beach (the causeway drive is beautiful), and a visit to Tampa Bay History Center to learn about the Gulf Coast's role in Florida's history.

MORE PHOTOS ON FLICKR



ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Many thanks to Tampa Bay and Company, GM in the Southeast (they provided my ride -- a sweet Chevy Cruze) and Sheraton Suites Tampa for supporting Sex and the Beach's pirate expeditions!

Pirates: Florida Renaissance Festival

OK, she's not a pirate, but pirates and wenches go hand in hand. And nothing gets attention like a busty babe serving beer!

Trail of the Pirates, the road trip from Key West to St. Augustine, is expanding in a new series of stories about pirate groups, activities and history in general. I'll focus on Florida first but will eventually move beyond wherever fair winds may take me!

PIRATES OF THE TREASURE COAST

In this installment, I didn't have to travel far -- only 40 miles north to Deerfield Beach where pirates roamed the ground of the Florida Renaissance Festival two weekends ago. Much to my delight, I bumped into two pirates I met in St. Augustine who hail from Palm Beach County and are members of Pirates of the Treasure Coast. They manage a small scale replica of Blackbeard's flagship, The Queen Anne's Revenge, which you can see at the fair. The vessel is fully rigged.

Pirates of the Treasure Coast on the Queen Anne's Revenge.

My pirate friends, whom I originally met in St. Augustine, crack me up every time.

EAST COAST PRIVATEERS

I also became acquainted with the East Coast Privateers, who are based in Broward. Drake, the Master of Arms, welcomed me to the encampment where I enjoyed home made grog, a behind-the-scenes look at black powder firing, conversations about weaponry and sword fighting and most importantly, great company from Drake and other pirates in the krewe. The East Coast Privateers pride themselves in being the only local krewe with a license to fire black powder at public events and are certified by National Park standards. All members who fire weapons are trained in the art. As well, Drake himself is an accomplished swordsman.

A lovely lass from the East Coast Privateers.

Drake in front of his tent, which he shared with his lovely pirate girlfriend. Ladies, the shirt came off because it was a hot day ... a very HOT day, as can clearly be seen in this photo.

Impressive weaponry!

Cleaning and prepping the black powder weapons at the encampment, where some of the pirates spend the night during the festival.

Captain Blackwolfe of the East Coast Privateers.

This privateer is known as Misfire, but he was certainly adept at firing the cannon.

Thinking of pirates in the Renaissance is somewhat anachronistic though sea-faring cultures have been plundering vessels for a long time. But it was easy to suspend my disbelief as the Golden Age of Piracy went back in time to mingle with jousters, falconers and knights.

THE FAIR AT LARGE

Spending time at the Renaissance Fair was the most wholesome fun I've had in a long time even though it wasn't all kiddie stuff. (I actually played a scullery maid at a Renaissance Fair in Crandon Park when in high school and haven't been to such a fair since the late '80s.)

Now in its 19th year, this particular production is worth every penny of the $20 adult admission. Get in, grab a cold brew and walk the grounds to see fantastic costumes, craft work, authentic encampments, reenactments, street performers and amusing acts.

The Duelists, a pair of sexy swashbucklers combining their sword play with raunchy humor, were my favorite act besides the pirates, of course. The closing Pub Sing, where members of courts and musical acts gather with the public to sing and dance, was also great fun. I particularly enjoyed bawdy singers Iris and Rose and The Limey Birds trio.

Some of it was educational, too. I learned how the English made ink in the 16th century and saw some beautiful leather-bound blank journals with paper made from cotton -- the original blogging tools, if you will. Both ink and paper were for sale, in case anyone was inclined to pick up a quill and write like a centuries old scribe.

The Duelists doing their thing. There was a group of young children in the audience so they had to tame their act. Nonetheless, the kids couldn't stop laughing and had a wonderful time heckling the performers.

The turkey leg is a popular food item at the fair. I had a 12" grilled sausage on a stick though. Surprised?

What's not to love about good, clean fun with wet, dirty women? The act is called Washing Well Wenches and involves audience participation.

You know Sex and the Beach couldn't help but notice the impressive codpiece worn by this axe thrower.

An illuminated manuscript copied from a 1596 century recipe for ink made with oak galls, wine, gum arabic, vitriol and iron sulfate. The calligraphy took about eight hours to complete.

Getting smiles from the street characters alone is worth the visit.

Iris and Rose, who describe themselves as "wild and thorny," were part of the Pub Sing.

You won't find this kind of gear at Walmart.

IF YOU GO

You have two more weekends to enjoy the Florida Renaissance Festival, located at Quiet Waters Park in Deerfield Beach. The theme for March 5-6 is is "Bodacious Bodices" (ladies, you will simply swoon at the corsets, skirts and other clothing items available for sale here). The following weekend, March 12-13, goes Celtic with a "Kiss the Blarney Stone" theme. Although I went two days in a row, I recommend visiting at least noon till closing time -- there's much to see. Give yourself an extra 30 minutes or so to negotiate parking, which is organized and features a shuttle to the main entrance. Wear closed-toe comfortable shoes.

Although I enjoyed special access to the pirates in order to write this post, you too can stop by and say hello while you're at the fair. You'll find the resident pirates toward the west end of the park by the lake. The Queen Anne's Revenge is on display and The East Coast Privateers fire canons and guns with a reenactment show for kids and adults 12:30 and 3 PM each day.

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