Thursday, June 29, 2006

Looking for Love With Many Strange Keywords

Businesses -- like Microshaft and Hassle -- pay thousands of dollars to optimize the search engine rankings of their websites and yet little humble demure innocent Sex and the Beach -- not even a year old, sucking on a lollipop -- has achieved consistently high erectile placement for some very -- gasp, ooh and ahh -- eyebrow-raising requests!

Ah, isn't the age of information lofty and liberating? You can take the gutter out of the mind but not the mind out of the gutter!

Disclaimer: to those of you searching for smut under a mattress ridden with bed lice, Manola apologizes for not being the object of your depravity! And to those of you who appreciate a little fun and hanky panky -- rest assured -- the mattress is sanitized for your pleasure each and every time Manola opens her big mouth!

"anal with two men & a woman"

This is actually the beginning of many a great Russian novel, like Dr. Zhivago and Anna Karenina. As well, the riveting narrative of a quadratic equation from a high school algebra textbook. Gives Manola a headache -- too much math involved.

"strictly ass"

As opposed to what, Ziggy Stardust? You want ass without dick? You want ass without pussy? You want ass floating in outer space without being attached to a body? 'Splain, please!

"butt floss bimbo"

Because you know, the Oxford Dictionary defines bimbo as "one who wears butt floss" [sic].

"cock blocking example"

Clearly, a scholarly investigation on a wrestling maneuver practiced by bitches worldwide.

"men love penis"

They do?

"men chicken legs"

They have?

"he is huge"

Really? Are we talking about God all mighty or Colin Farrell's penis?

Come again?

"what attracts a man to a woman's vaginal scent"

In the great words of Billy Idol: "Nose without a face ..."

"singles women South Beach Miami hot looking"

Clearly Manola and pussy ... oops, no I meant posse.

"hot mamma's"

Mothers I'd Like to Flambée (MILF) is just acclaimed French chef Pepe Le Pew's pervy interpretation of a classic dessert.

"size of colin farrell's penis"

And your point is ... so utterly redundant! "Can you fuckin' please fuckin' bring me a fuckin' Philly Cheesesteak? I've had enough of that fuckin' Irish dick, please stuff my fuckin' mouth with fuckin' beef, already!"

You know, you are a fuckin' idiot ...

"porn sex pixs"

Utterly pathetic. No wonder the search revealed photos of Mother Teresa instead of Jenna Jameson. "Pixs" is a common misspelling of "pics" (portraits of international catholic saints), you dim wit.

"vaginal anatomy"

Hey Einstein, look it: it's a freakin' Sears brand garage-door -- press that little button the right way and it will LIFT and OPEN.

"panty sex in the beach"

As opposed to what? Must you have panties? You're asking too much. Sharp sand grains up the ass isn't enough?

"i am poor i want marry woman how can i get a woman"

I thought DESPERATION had a name?

you gotta shake it, baby ... please


Senor Cheeseburger said...

haha oh man, how do you see what searches are leading people to your blog??? Although in it's infancy, I'd have to imagine I'd get some interesting ones too

stop on by. I SWEAR TO GOD ITS NOT PORN! :)

Wide Lawns said...

Good Lord. It will never cease to amaze me what craziness people look for on the internet. Today alone I had someone search the words "she peed all over the floor" and find my blog. Then the wierdest of all was "Subservient person goes from Toad to another pomeranian." What the hell does that mean??? Last week I had someone from Germany looking for a violent blowjob. What is wrong with people???

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Why must every post contain a reference to Colin Ferrell's miniscule wang? I guarantee I'm twice the man he is!

Maria de los Angeles said...

Mighty, how can you treat me this way? I offer to clean the floors of your plantation estate and wipe my mouth with your dollar bills?

Senor Cheeseburger said...

sooo seriously, how do you check how people are finding your site?

Maria de los Angeles said...

Scroll down and at the end of the sidebar you will find a variety of blog utilities. My favorite so far is statcounter.

Have you considered getting a grid for your lovely dental work? :-)

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You know you love me Manola. Everybody knows women love guys who treat them like crap.

Maria de los Angeles said...

What? Manola take no crap from no man!