Spice Up the Holidays with Ron Jeremy Rum

I'm usually pretty unapologetic on this blog and when asked if I wanted to meet Ron Jeremy at a media tasting for his new spiced rum, I hesitated a little, since Sex and the Beach is not pornographic -- hell, I don't even like porn and American Apparel ads piss me off -- but I do, however, write about spirits.

And from a marketing perspective, it's interesting to see one of the most famous adult film stars in the world diversify his career.

So there we were, a group of local writers plus Robert Burr, founder of the fantastic Rum Renaissance Festival in Miami, sampling rum last Friday at the Irish Times in South Miami -- a great little family-owned bar on Sunset Drive. Mr. Jeremy, whom, ironically, is not a big drinker, was with us, as well as the founders of One Eyed Spirits, owners of the brand.

The story behind this rum is interesting. The founders -- two guys from Finland who specialize in advertising -- were in Amsterdam one day when one of them drew the idea of "Ron de Somebody" on the back of a bar receipt. Ron is the Spanish word for rum and they needed a famous Ron. Ron Howard and Ron Reagan didn't make the cut, so guess who won out?

After investigating distillers in the rum community, they came upon the legendary Don Pancho, a septuagenerian Cuban expat living in Panama and one of the best rum makers and blenders in the world -- he hails from the old school Cuban beverage industry.

The straight Ron Jeremy rum is aged 7 years and the spiced is blended with a 3 year-old rum. The latter version comes from an old Caribbean recipe that Don Pancho and his business partner, fellow master blender Carlos Esquivel, purchased from a rum family in the islands.

So there you go. Two guys from Finland come up with this idea in Amsterdam, an American adult film star gets involved, and you're sipping rum made in Panama from an old Caribbean recipe, probably aged in sherry barrels from Spain.

See? There really is no sex involved. But sugar and spice, yes. Plenty of it.

The rum is extremely smooth, with very woodsy and smoky notes, brimming with vanilla, nutmeg and cinnamon. It definitely transported me to some pirate ship in the Caribbean with balmy breezes pushing us out to sea from Grenada or the Grenadines. When a rum can make you fantasize about pirates and islands, you know it's good.

Try it neat over the rocks, but think of this as the kind of rum you'd also mix into your holiday hot toddies and egg nog. It's definitely a good candidate if you want to spike up your Starbucks Pumpkin Latte on cold, blistery days.

Yes, I went there. He signed his name backward so I could see it in the mirror. But that's as far as we got, trust me!

All kidding aside, I've interviewed hundreds of people in my life and Ron Jeremy was one of the most interesting characters I've ever put in front of a camera. This Jew from Queens whipped out a harmonica and played Amazing Grace for me since I was raised Catholic.

I also asked some questions from twitter friends @miamisnap, @elliem72 and @beahbunnie. Why did you get the name The Hedgehog? What's the proper piña colada to rum ratio? What's your favorite drink to get you in the mood?

For the answers, check out the video below.




Ron de Jeremy is available online and locally at Crown Liquors in Broward as well as The Little Liquor Store in Pompano Beach. Remember to always imbibe responsibly.

A Sexy Scottish Affair, Part 1

A very international experience in Miami, in which I attended a Scotch whisky tasting and a reading from a historical romance novel set in Scotland – all on the same night. Read Part 2 here.

The indefatigable Richard Paterson, master blender for Whyte and Mackay Distillers, Glasgow. We met at Fleming's in Coral Gables earlier this month.

SCOTCH IS DOWNRIGHT SEXY

As the author of Sex and the Beach, I have been to many spirit tastings and liquor events (yes, it’s a terrible job, but someone’s gotta do it), and none have impressed me as much as meeting master blender Richard Paterson from Whyte and Macay Distillers in person to sip glorious spirit from the Scottish highlands.

Blending Scotch whisky is no easy task, requiring a razor sharp, almost bionic sense of smell and a keen understanding of the land where it’s produced – a connection to every grain of barley, ever handful of earthy peat and every drop of fresh river water in Scottish terrain. It is, as I was to learn, a rather sensual profession. Another “tough job” someone has to do and God bless Paterson for that.

Scotch is definitely not a girl drink. Can you imagine Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City ordering a neat scotch instead of a Cosmo? Scotch was the kind of thing Mr. Big would drink. It’s a guy’s drink, your father’s drink, your grandpa's night cap, Mad Men ad exec closing a business deal drink, genteel men excusing themselves for cigars and post-prandials as the ladies go play cards in the parlor room drink.

Or so I thought.

Paterson presented scotch in a way that never occurred to me. We’re used to words like “body” in tastings but I’d never heard “long in the mouth” or “art of swallowing” or “multiple orgasm” anywhere outside of a tantric sex lecture.

Paterson, whose ebullient personality betrays his passion for Scotch, encouraged us to slow down much like a yoga teacher would in this style of drinking.

“Hold it in the mouth for at least 15 seconds,” he recommended. “Taste it a second time as you swallow. We’re all in a hurry. Take time to sip and savor.”

When I asked if Scotch was always enjoyed in such a sensual oral ritual, he replied without hesitation. “No, people used to knock it back like cowboys.”

There’s a legitimate, scientific reason why Scotch shouldn’t be consumed like wham-bam-thank-you-m’am.

In this case, the spirit on our tongues was from The Dalmore, an exclusive single malt produced in a distillery north of Inverness at sea level on the shores of the Firth of Cromarty. This whisky had been sitting in different casks for years, bespoke barrels that in turn, probably held sherry from Spain or bourbon from America for many years prior. A lot of time -- and a very patient, biochemical process -- passed between that grain of barley sprouting from the ground and that golden liquid slinking down my throat.

I wasn't just downing booze. I was taking in history.

Why rush through it?

The metaphors continued in a philosophy that I genuinely liked, because it was so damn sensible. There's something very organic and yummy about it. Just as in life and with people, so with Scotch -- you never want to rush into a relationship.

“I treat whisky just like I would a person,” Paterson said. “I get to know them. I say hello, listen and communicate with them.”

There are sensual receptors in our heads – the mouth, the tongue, the nose and the eyes – all in service of the spirit you’re about to swallow. “The Scotch has an inner world,” he said. “Let it open up.”

When asked if women would make better Scotch drinkers than men, Paterson answered with a decisive yes. “It’s the same as buying perfume. You don’t just accept it right away,” he replied. “You let it sit and get to know it.”

“Women are more apt to listen and pay attention,” he continued. “In fact, women will add less water to Scotch. A man is a pussy compared to a woman.”

This impeccably dressed Scottish gentleman, with such elegant aplomb, had me in stitches when he dropped the "p" word! Good Lord, he’s serious about his Scotch and doesn’t mince his words.

But most of all, it was fun. Paterson suggests you try Scotch as a flavor adventure for the palate, pairing it with chocolate, coffee and crème brûlée for that “multiple orgasm” experience, which he explains rather jovially in the two videos below.



Sorry the video was cut off ... more here.



I don’t know … I think I’d rather drink my dram of Scotch with just a wee drop or two of pure water, but that’s because even food seems like a distraction from something so fine. Anything that tastes so good and simulates a long, drawn out foreplay works well for me.

ABOUT DALMORE

Dalmore is a single malt, which means that it is only blended with other single malts from the same distillery in the Highlands producing Scotch since 1839. Dalmore has stocked some of the rarest Scotch in Scotland, making it high couture of liquor. The Dalmore Trinitas sold for approximately $150,000 including VAT at Harrods in London in 2010.

But you can buy other Dalmore bottles at Total Wine in Fort Lauderdale for far less ranging from $49 to $149 for the 12 year old, Grand Reserva and 18 year old expressions. Other outlets include major South Florida liquor stores and many cool Miami cocktail spots that get a thumbs up from Sex and the Beach: Fleming’s, The Local, Van Dyke, Tobacco Road, Transit Lounge, Soyka, Brickell Irish Pub, Segafredo South Miami, to name a few.

To learn more about Scotch history, pick up a copy of Paterson’s book, Goodness Nose, co-authored with Gavin D. Smith. Paterson is a third-generation Scotch whisky professional, so part of the book focuses on many of the tedious ups and downs of the business over the years. But the book is also a travel memoir; especially seductive are Paterson’s travels through remote Campbeltown in Kintyre and the Isle of Jura. I wanted to book a flight as soon as I closed the back cover of the book.

Next up: read A Sexy Scottish Affair, Part 2. And by the way, Jason Korman over at Gaping Void has some interesting thoughts on Scotch and the marketing industry. Read more at The Market For a Scotch to Believe in Is Infinite.